You are a very observant aunt and hopefully he will get the right evaluation soon so he can get help..I recommend a developmental pediatrician~they are experts at seeing the signs of autism and are not afraid to say so:)
I think you probably got the ball rolling even if they are not activily doing much about it right now it is surely in their minds..
I never thought autism with my daughter..had no clue what the heck autism was... after 8 mos. with ECI for speech they casually mentioned the "A" word and then made a big deal that they were not referring to my child but that she had some sx that made them think of autism...it made me start to think..to research and finally got her into a dev. pediatriacian pretty fast:) We got the diagnoses and full ABA program within a few months after they mentioned the "A" word!
Be supportive and help point her in the right direction gently....no emotions or guilt attached to it..she will be more open to your suggestions if you give her "just the facts"..print out the links posted above and mail them to her:)
I made excuses for Sarah too but no one ever mentioned autism till she was almost 3 years old.afterwards I heard the replies "Oh I am not surprised or I thought she was at her first b/day but didnt want to say anything" No one spoke these thoughts to me! I would of loved in hindsight that they did because I could of been helping her instead of making excuses.
It is so hard as a parent to see your child as having a disability especially when they dont look disabled or it is so mild that you are used to them that way and percieve them to be perfect:) Best of luck..
They may be upset with you now but later on they will be so eternally grateful that you had their child's best interest at heart.
Please keep us posted:)
It sounds like the parents are hugely in denial. But, it is my suspicion that they suspect something - because they never let anyone else watch him. I had a VERY hard time letting anyone else watch my son because I thought that no one would be able to understand him and meet his needs like I could. I was right - I knew my son very well and I could interpret what he was saying/doing and usually get it right - most others didn't when he was your nephew's age. However, right at 18 months, I had to let others watch him - my sil had to watch him for 3 days as I had to go to the hospital to deliver my stillborn baby. My dh went home and helped put ds to bed and with a few other things. But, it was so incredibly hard to know he was at home without me.
I also wonder about depression for the mom. If she is leaving him in the crib for long periods of time - it sounds like she needs a break and perhaps she is exhausted from trying to do things with him and she may be deathly worried as well. Just because she is probably in denial doesn't mean she may not think about it a lot - but that is exhausting as well. If you keep thinking about things your child is doing/not doing that aren't typical, then you expend a lot of mental energy trying to justify to yourself why that is okay and that he is fine. You can probably tell that I speak from experience here?
A lot of doctors do not recognize the signs, are uneducated about autism and/or won't diagnose at this age. Someone suggested calling social services - I guess that's an option, but I hope you don't get there. I worked in foster care for years, and if the child isn't placed in a "specialized" foster home that takes care of children with disabilities (which he probably would not be since he doesn't have a diagnosis) - well, he may suffer even worse. Most foster families are really good - but they don't have the training to take care of a child with autism. Obviously, we don't know if this child has autism or not. It could be neglect, but it does sound a lot like autism to me (but I haven't seen your son, nor am I qualified to diagnose!).
Now, your nephew would most likely not be placed in foster care right away, but that is an eventual possibility once you place that call. I just know how traumatizing that could be for a child with issues. Right now, he is at least in a familiar environment. You said he seems happy and smiles/cuddles. That is GOOD! Obviously though, if this gets much worse, you may need to call. At first they (social services) will probably just come out and do an assessment (this depends on where you live and how large a city you are in - the bigger cities who don't have many resources aren't as likely to do this, at least not in a timely fashion) to see how the family is functioning. If they have concerns, they will make up a plan. If it is clear the parents aren't following the plan, there may be a foster placement made then and the parents will have to follow the plan in order to get him back. This is assuming that there isn't serious neglect involved. Neglect is hard to prove - especially emotional neglect. If he wasn't being fed, or wasn't being provided a decent place to sleep, his diapers weren't being changed - that is much easier to document and is not so subjective. However, being left in a crib for hours at a time isn't good - I don't know how much of the day that is. I know there were days with both my kids that they were in the crib more than I would like, but I would never have them in there for more than a half hour or so (awake) before I would go get them out. Both my kids would play very happily in the crib with toys after they would wake up from their nap, so I never rushed in to get them. They always needed time to themselves - if I went in immediately they would be very grumpy!
Please keep us posted - this is a heartbreaking situation and very frustrating to you, I'm sure. You see this little boy slipping away and you can't seem to do anything about it. I hope that somehow you can convince others to talk to them and that they will look into this further. Do you go over there often? Maybe trying to do some "floortime" type activities (do a search for this here - there are LOTS of posts on floortime) and model things that they could do with him. They may be at a total loss as to WHAT to do with him during the day. I really hope for all of your sakes that this little boy gets help soon. I'll send some good thoughts and hugs your way!
This is really a difficult situation for everyone involved. I also wondered (like another poster) if there is anyone else in the family who is concerned and could also approach them? I think they aren't going to listen to you at this point - they are tuning you out. But, if more than one person starts telling them similar things - they may have to start listening.
Many doctors don't pick up on the "red flags" of autism because many behaviours are common in young children and dismissed away. It is entirely possible the doctor didn't recognize a larger problem and is doing a "wait &see". I don't think you should gather up the clan and barrage them with force. I also think SS is a very very last resort. No one should bring up the "A" word. Most children are caught by 3 yo because the terrible 2's no longer excuses the behaviours. Also don't approach them as if this is their fault many parents who have delayed kids feel responsible even if it's just in the genes.
There are some good tips about sharing concerns parent to parent please read it may get you what you're looking for without severing the realationship. http://www.firstsigns.org/concerns/parent_parent.htm
This is from http://www.firstsigns.org/healthydev/milestones.htm and you may want to share with them. There may be something there that makes go "hmmm"
At 12 Months:
At 15 Months:
At 18 Months:
At 24 Months:
Coalition kids gave you some really good advice. The list is great .
I just want to add to always express your concern for this child about his developement to his parents . This is what happened to me . I had two individuals who cared for my son and my mother all express concern about my son not making some of his milestones and some of his behaviors . These individuals did not know each other and each approached me in the period of one months time. It caused me to wake up out of my denial stage and get him the help that he needed. I am so thankful that they had the courage to stand up and say something to me about thier concerns.
hmm. it's quite possible that it IS neglect. . .that's exactly how my little cousin was- we thought she was autistic, but it was lack of interaction/stimulation. they left her in her crib a lot (or my aunt's dh did while she was at work). . .didn't play with her, give her toys. . .etc. when we DID get help for her, she finally came out of her shell and is now a normal healthy teenager. . . whatever the case, he should def have a more thorough eval, cause if it is an asd, he'll need help asap. good luck!
Are there any other family members that are supportive of your view? I wish I had some good advice for you. I know it must be heartbreaking. If there were other family members maybe an "intervention" would be appropriate???
Your in a hard position ,If it was me I couldn't stand buy and do nothing, I would call the rest of the Family and see if they could get through to them,If not i would Consider calling SS.
Good Luck,Keep us posted,Linda
Ok, I've been having a think about this. The sleeping tablets abuse could well be indicative of a deeper rooted problems, possibly post natal depression (which doesn't just strike in the first few months post birth) or long term depression. She's probably struggling to cope and desperately needs some practical support. That's why it's imperative she gets the help she needs, for her sake as well as her son's. Contact the relevant services so that the right support and help can be given. Her child may or may not be on the spectrum, but regardless the family needs help.Well drug abuse and neglect pretty much cancels out my previous advice.
Just to make you aware there is federal Child Find program part of the IDEA mandate where you should be able to make a request for assessment. They will then assess the child. This is from birth to 21yo. You may wish to contact someone in your area about this service to get more fact based info.
IDEA requires all states to have a "comprehensive Child Find system" to assure that all children who are in need of early intervention or special education services are located, identified, and referred. The lead agency for Part C of IDEA Early Intervention Program and for Part B/619 (serving preschoolers with special educational needs) in each state is responsible for planning and implement a comprehensive child find system. In some states, the lead agency for these two programs is one and the same, while in others, different agencies oversee the two programs.
If your nephew is really being neglected due to drug use, it is important to get involved. If she is using drugs, then her judgement is impaired, which will have a huge effect on how she is raising her son. Maybe intervention is what she needs to help her be a good mother to her son.That is totally different. If she is abusing drugs, then social services SHOULD be involved. It will not be as difficult to prove neglect if you can prove that. This little boy needs help! Depending on your state regs, the social workers should look at family first in terms of placement. If I were you, I might ask to get some foster parent training on the side so that if it comes time, you are prepared. In addition, you don't necessarily need the training if it is a relative (unless your state regs are different) but it wouldn't hurt. My concern is what will the dad do? Maybe this would be a good wake-up call for him to get out and start focusing on the child.
Yikes! I'm so sorry for what you and this little boy are going through. But it makes the whole situation completely different to know that she is abusing drugs or prescription medication. Is the father listed on the birth certificate and are you absolutely positive he is the father (DNA test)? Because if it somehow turned out that he wasn't, well your chances of taking the child in aren't very good unless you already had him and also had a foster parent license. Which you can do even if you already have him in your care (again, depending on your state regs).
Good luck to you and keep us posted!
The horror stories you hear about foster care are actually rare cases. Most foster parents are good people. Unless they severely abuse the system (again, rare) they don't get paid much - not near enough for what they do! Their job is 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. They not only have to buy clothes and food for the child, but toys, furniture, pay for added utilities and gasoline (LOTS of trips to therapists, visitations, etc.). I think one of my foster parents figured out that she got paid less than .50 per hour to take care of one child (this was 10 years ago, but STILL!). Most don't do it solely for money - there are much better and easier ways to get a paycheck, let me tell you! They do it because they care about kids and they feel this would be a way to earn some money and also do something they love - taking care of kids. It is NOT an easy job.
Anyway, just thought I would put that in - but most foster parents are not trained to take care of kids with special needs. They are trained to take care of kids who are abused (physically, emotionally and/or sexually) and neglected. Yes, those kids come with a ton of issues - but they are usually different from autism. We all know how challenging kids on the spectrum can be - and it is a much different challenge than most foster kids.
But, that doesn't mean that you shouldn't make the call. This child IS being neglected (at least from what you have told me) and it warrants a call. Trust me, it isn't easy to make that call (especially when you have seen what happens on the other side) but for this child, you need to.
Anyway, this needs to be reported. Do it when you KNOW she is either passed out or you know the child has been in his crib for hours. I don't know if you can know that, but if they actually can come when she is in this state - it will definitely help. And call to get some training as well.
Good luck and keep us posted!
That is a hard situation to be in. I don't know what would be the best way to handle it. People are so defensive about their children. I know I am.
But our situation was a lot like Shelley's. ECI worked with our son for over a year and never mentioned autism. They never did. I just happened to see an article about autism and decided to do a search on the net for the symptoms. I had NO idea before that that he could have autism.
When I finally saw the lists of warning signs, I was so upset that no one ever said anything to me. A whole year was wasted. So I definitely wish someone would have said something to me.
Even though your nephew's parents say he doesn't have it, at least since you've mentioned it they're probably more aware of his development and I would think they'd eventually realize something is wrong.
Also, in relation to what Snoopywoman said about foster care--we're foster parents and my son is a foster child (but we've had him since he was born). Thank God his adoption is nearly final, but I am so afraid that something could happen to me and he could be placed in another foster home. I can tell you from experience being a foster parent that if our agency had placed him with us today at his age I would have had a very difficult time being able to deal with him. I think for an autistic child, only his parents can provide what he needs because they have the love for him that enables them to deal with the hardships. If I didn't love my son so completely and utterly, he would be very frustrating.
Also, foster parents are just people. They aren't super-parents who can just tolerate all children. At least we aren't! And CPS isn't that picky about whether you can handle the children or not. Mostly, they seem to just place the kids with whatever family is willing to take them. So, all that to say, I'm leary of calling CPS unless you're pretty sure of neglect.
Marilyn
hi, im new to this forum, but I found it in desperation. My 23 month old nephew shows many signs of autism, but when ever it is brought up to his parents they say there is nothing wrong with their child. We once were able to convence his dad to take him to the doctor, and if he even did he claims the doctor said he was not autistic. Either they did not take him(which is most likely) or they were very dishonest to the doctor. I began to notice a problem when he was 7 months old and he was still unable to sit up and had no interest in doing it. He still did not sit up until around 9 months, didnt crawl until about 10 months and started walking around 15 months. At 18 months he still preferred crawling. He vionlently rocks back and forth or side to side. He doesnt talk, he rarely cries. and he does not socially interact with others. He doesnt react to his name and he doesnt make any eye contact. He does seem to be a very happy little boy, because he does smile a lot and when you pick him up he hugs and snuggles you. He doesnt know how to use utensils including hold a glass of water. I honestly do not know if he is autistic or is suffering from neglect. His mother doesn't seem to really care about him and I know he is left in his crib a lot, and not interacted with. I tried to offer to take him on the weekends to play with my 3 year but she turned me down saying she doesnt let anyone watch him. I dont know what to do, and im afraid each day that goes by my nephew is loosing hope to ever live a "normal" life. If I could I would take him myself but it is not possible for me to do that, and I dont think I will ever get it through his parents head(or at least his mothers) that he needs help.
frusterated auntie