That is a thought I have had also.It is a major struggle. In fact, last night my dd had a major meltdown and wouldn't go to bed and instead of getting any support from my dh, HE had a temper tantrum too. He started yelling and slamming things and I asked what the heck was the matter w/him?? he started going on about how he hated himself and it's all his fault "that we have a kid like this". WHAAAT??? I was INFURIATED. Not only because he manages to make this all about him, but because he would say that about jess. I can't win. Maybe I wan't to believe that some good will come out of this because it IS so hard. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" right???I think that my sons autism has made me focus more of whats important.
It made me get rid of the clutter in my life.( Friends that required too
much effort, things I didnt need, social events that I hated going to
anyway) I try to enjoy the moment more. I give him hugs and kisses all
the time. He gives me so much joy and so much heartache. I thought I
was a pretty experienced Mom before I had him, I had to relearn
everything-pretty humbling. I dont know if there is higher purpose but I
have grown as a person.
I love to travel, and that is what I truely want to do in the summer with
the kids. I was born in Japan and would go back once in a while to visit. I
have always been open to different cultures. The culture of Autism was
harder than most to learn. I definitely share a kinship with other families
affected by autism. They journey so far has been hard but more positive
than negative. The journey has also made me appreciate my Mother and
my Sister more. I never knew that they would be so supportive. My
mother who is 68 and still teaching Yoga (her third career)
is a great example to me. She is constantly evolving and that is what I am
trying to do.
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I agree with the 'getting the focus abway from me' to something far more significant...
I stopped praying.........I started feeling bad abt that so maybe in some ways I am beginning to see that there may be more to this than meets the eye - maybe I will feel revelation/nirvana whatever blissful feeling there is but I need to get thru feeling OK with the DAILY struggle first.... It's so hard....painful.
Well it has been a revelation to ME.
I have already weighed in on the fateful thing of adoption ... But, it gets odder and odder -- at the time of adopting T I supervised someone whom I now thing was ASD. AND I also think my Father was Aspie, and I too, but less than he, and DH is mildly Autie. So ... just how DID we get this kid???
Man, I am not sure about this one. To what higher purpose could it be to be isolated, to be hit and kicked, to be crying and trying to stop your sons tantrums, to be depressed and not have any kind of a marriage unless it is Respite day, to have no one really care or help unless they are professionals - to think that maybe GOD did this, well in my opinion that is insulting! Does God dislike people so much he would give them a 24/7 child that they would not have ANY life of their own anymore? The Bible says God is NO respector of person, so to think that God is in control of this - no way. I fully believe in God - but to think HE would do THIS - nahhhhh. Guess I feel strongly about this!
I really don't feel that God gave me something hard to deal with. I have a perfect son. Yea he is autistic. Does that make our lives more difficult? More difficult than what? Than the single mom trying to make ends meet with two kids? I feel blessed. I have been around 12 yr old non- autistic kids. I would not do well! Yes we have those moments. And I know that my son's autism is not as severe as others. I have heard from parents on this forum dealing with the extremes. And for those of you with younger kids, a lot of things will change. That is not to say get better but change is a definate. I just look at life like a roller coaster. Jump in, strap down, throw your arms in the air and yell and laugh till it's over!
This is an AWESOME AWESOME thread, please keep posting...............Autumn, I am really in search mode right now. I hope I am not being preachy because I am the last person who should be preaching to anyone. I am questioning really. In my heart I feel like I am being called up to the plate. I have been through very difficult situations before, something is different with this. My husband was very oppositional to this "maybe there is a purpose we dont understand" question. I have been too...and something is changing with me. Thanks for letting me explore it and for all who have or will respond.
[Anyone have a theory on the lesson or message? It is so prevalent it seems to indicate a change to our current society lifestyle- how we work, who raises our kids and how, how they eat, the environment, our priorities...[/QUOTE]
My theory is that it's a message that our society is getting too big for it's britches - too industrial, too into money, too into politcs and big business, too into technology, etc. and that we need to return to a more simple way of living and be more intune with nature, cherish our families and children more and not be so caught up in careers, fancy cars, big houses, etc. that are all material. And especially, be more careful with the environment and take heed of how it impacts us personally, because our industrialized nation is polluting the earth and our children are paying the price for it, with their health.
Boy, I sound like a hippie! But that's okay
Beth
One thing I feel sure of - this is not supposed to be easy. We all marvel and congratulate each other on the small accomplishments our children make- we are so grateful. I bet God likes that.I don't feel God gave me an ASD child so I would be a better person. To me, it sounds like a egotistical perspective. Frig up someone else's life so I can suffer and deal with hardship and be a better person or because I am such a good person I'm entitled to this "higher" life.
I think God gives us the strength to cope with adversity if we seek His guidance and power. I don't think God is responsible for the pollution, environmental and perceived moral decay. I don't think it's Him that is sending the mesage through hardship; it is natural consequence of our own human doing and the ripple effect of poor decisions generation after generation.
Adversity is a apart of life not on God's part but on our own. God afterall relinquinshes all of our ailments and hardships in death.
I believe when we are in true pain, children are sick, or ppl are starving God cries . The question is, who is listening and taking action. To me, that's what God does.
I have been profoundly changed since autism came in our lives just as all of you..some of it has been like watching miracles come true and some of it has been wailing sobs of dispair...but the course is steady now without all the high waves and deep canyons like in the beginning. Worry remains[QUOTE=3flowers1fish]I don't feel God gave me an ASD child so I would be a better person. To me, it sounds like a egotistical perspective. or because I am such a good person I'm entitled to this "higher" life.
[/QUOTE]
I don't think that either. I think ASD makes me think less often of myself and more often about of my child, someone else's child. I was way more ego-centered before dealing with this. I had the opportunity to be that way! I think God uses what comes into our lives, even if it seems bad to us, for good- if we direct our wills towards it. Because it is a choice- a hard one- to drop everything and work on interventions for your kid. I think I could possibly be developing better qualities in my relationships because of this difficult situation, I dont think that is the reason for this- only an outcome.
I kind of feel that way. I've never lived up to my potential in anything career-wise, and sometimes I wonder if this is my way of reaching a higher purpose. I've said before that one of the best compliments I've ever gotten is that God gave me Jessie because he knew I had the capacity to give her everything she needed. I hope that's true....My son has changed my life. He is the only child i have and my husband cant give me another child due to his disability. He went through 4 surgery's and it changed his life. He has a permanent ileostomy and for being 3 years old its very tough and changed his life forever. So we cherish our son to the max!I know whithout a shadow of a doubt that the best person in the world to raise my two kids is me. Sometimes I get discouraged, but then I remind myself that God must think that I (we all) are very special and VERY strong to give us the challenges that we have. I feel blessed that I have found all of you, and I really mean that.
.
This is the only way I can get through this- by reminding myself that this has made me a much better mother than I could have ever been had Ryan not come into my life. However, sometimes I feel like yelling to the heavens: "Ok, I get it! I learned my lesson, now please fix my son".
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By the way- this idea infuriates (somewhat) my husband.
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[QUOTE=Faithishope]
Hebrew 11:1 Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
[/QUOTE]
Sometimes faith as small as a mustard seed is all we need...
to see us through what we fear and do not see...
I believe that I was meant to be Andrew's Mommy. I believe in God. I believe that we learn from our life experiences, whatever they may be, and if we do not learn from them, then we chose not to, or refused to look for the positive, or blamed others for our lives, etc., etc. Now here's an idea that is a little bit "out there"...I think that it's possible that the timing of this very large wave of children being born on earth who need a different kind of raising is letting us, humankind, know that we have lost sight of many of the most important things in life. I don't know whether I'd phrase it as "too big for our britches", but that's a version of what I'm thinking. These children are not only incredibly challenging and in need of constant care to the point of exhaustion and beyond for us as parents, but they are also extremely gifted spirits with a fire inside of them, who are trying their very best to communicate and show us the way... I do not believe in predestination. I do not believe that any of us are being punished. I do believe that our children with autism have the ability to make us the best possible people we can be...People we may never have known without having them... Just another thought on the matter. Let's seperate things a little if we can...knowing your child, knowing your love for them, knowing who they really are...who would you pick TODAY to be their parent??? I have a hard time believing that most of you would say without hesitation that it is you. Sure, there are days or moments when we have our doubts, but in the quiet momets, the cuddle moments and when you look at the big picture, what is your answer??? Hebrew 11:1 1Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Jesus was asked in John 9:1 about a man blind from birth, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" Jesus replied, "NEITHER... but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his (the blind man's) life." To Cin0516's original question, "Does this disorder affecting so many of our lives have a higher purpose, like God having a plan we don't fully understand ?" I say, YES. Then the next question would be... "Why us??" And as Faithishope put it... I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt... because we would be the BEST PERSON in the world to raise our kids. Now isn't that true!!?? I can imagine a lot of couples in our church congregation who would have mental breakdowns dealing with an autistic kid !! Like the anguish that autumn shares with us...we ALL went through it and are STILL going thorugh it...in differing degrees... YET, we are still here talking about it....on this message board... WHY??? Because WE CARE.... because GOD KNOWS we are capable of caring for our special child. To Jessiesmomma...my wife and I went through what you had with your hubby...the shouting and screaming at each other, with our autistic boy also yelling away... and then we sat down crying...and then we cried in each others arms...then we brought Daniel in our arms.. wailing away like babies... BUT we HAVE EACH OTHER... for those who still have our spouses with us, we have a ready shoulder to cry on, better still a ready punching-bag to vent... to the single parents, you have your child or your children or maybe your siblings or your own relatives... POINT is we ARE NOT ALONE. Does all this help eventually ??? You bet it does, read up on KathyK's response... it has made her FOCUS and get rid of the clutter... And to tkny12... GOD WILL FIX IT... If you have FAITH in the WORD of GOD, Revelation 21:4 speaks of heaven where.. "There will be NO MORE DEATH or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." YES... we have a HOPE in a CURE ... maybe not on this Earth but definitely in heaven where our children will be free of illnesses. And we have a HOPE in RESURRECTION... in seeing our loved oned who have gone before us. While waiting... let us be like how shewinders brilliantly put it... JUMP in, STRAP down, THROW your arms in the air and YELL & LAUGH till its over.... then we greet our love ones at the end of the journey and see them in a different light. AMEN If God creates hardships, he sure does choose just as many special or even regular kids to be born to just as many incapable parents. I don't feel God gave me an ASD child so I would be a better person. [/QUOTE] I don't think that either. I think ASD makes me think less often of myself and more often about of my child, someone else's child. , I dont think that is the reason for this- only an outcome. [/QUOTE] And I am surprised by that outcome. Surprised that something good could come out of this. And wow-that has me thinking: what am I thinking?! I am supposed to "know" from what I have been taught that this is what God does. This is really showing me where my head and heart are. And speaking of surprises...my husband brought home this book: Brokenness by Lon Solomon. We used to visit his church in McLean, VA. He wrote this book about his struggle with understanding his life with his disabled child. I realized from the cover that he was appointed by the Pres as to the Commission for People with Intellectual Disabilities. We have not read it yet- starting but he always helped make an impact on us in a service.
We are simply a really good match. If I had the chance to handpick my child
from day one, I probably would have gotten a lemon compared to him. I just
adore the kid, quirks, special needs, and all.
My journey through autism has been a long and interesting one. I hope I
have time to share it this week.
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