how old is too old? | Autism PDD

I have all boys so I always felt when they hit birthday #3 they were too old. My older two NT boys didn't seem to mind and by age 5 they wanted their privacy and I just sent them back to the tub if they missed something.

Takoda though HFA and getting close to 5 still tries to get in my shower at times. I don't allow him to now but he can't understand the privacy concept at all. I'm very lucky he is now in the routine of bathing with Brodey.

I also agree with Karrie with the same sex child showering together is ok as long as your both comfortable with it.

Nelle

when my daughter and i are home and need to be bathed, we usually take a shower together. she thinks its fun and i dont mind it. because she is autistic, she is oblivious to her age and doesnt know what is approprite or inappropriate.

my youngest brother said something to me the other day that got me thinking. he used to shower with his daughter when she was real young because it was quick and easy for both of them, and she loved it. but now she is turning 5 in a week or so, and has become picky about it. she doesnt want her dad to see her naked anymore. she even freaks out if she sees her underwear! ("DAAAAAAAAAD! dont do that! you're embarrassing me!!!" lol) he's a little crushed because that's his baby girl, but he understands. his wife (niece's stepmother) now gives his daughter a bath.

but it got me wondering... how old is too old for my daughter to shower with me? she just turned 6, but she's still MY baby girl so for me its just natural. we were just going to go jump in the shower, but i'm thinking i might just give her a bath, and i'll wait and take my shower later tonight after she's in bed. i'm not quite sure about this.

I think it really depends on the child and your immediate families views on such things. My kids all shower together once in a while still. They are 3, 5 and 6. But mostly it's just easier for me to bathe them one at a time these days. They are so big, they barely all fit in the tub. LOL My DH used to throw 'em all in the shower with him. He'd wash one, send 'em out, wash another, send 'em out, etc... But his back is just too bad to be doing that anymore. Sure you want to teach your kids that they deserve their privacy, etc... but you don't want to teach them to be ashamed of themselves. This is a tough subject. There is no one right answer here, for sure. My kids would run around buck nekkid if I would let them, they are not shy at all! LOL One day will come a long when they decide, hey I need my privacy and then we shall take it from there, I suppose...

Rachelle

Sunny,

You know...I was initally going to answer this by saying that your daughter will tell you in so many ways when she is uncomfortable with this...THen i realized..lol we are talking about a child on the spectrum so this may be delayed or non-existant with her as far as privacy issues are concerned. My child that has autism is only 3 so we haven't made it to this point yet. I can only talk about my other two children that are NT which may or may not even be of any use here. Billy my oldest amost 13 seems to be late on privacy issues himself. It was a big concern to me that he will still run from the bathroom to the bedroom after showering naked. He never seems to care that we see him naked and he will also walk in on me while i'm changing or using the bathroom, showering etc. His psychologist said to me that he is a "late bloomer" when it comes to these privacy issues and that because I raised my kids with nudity not being a big deal that it has just became a way of life to him but by no means is it harmful to my son. My daughter seeing him naked through the house was an issue though so it needed to be addressed especially at his age. He still doesn't understand "what the big deal is" but because he is primarly NT he does comply. MY daughter started having privacy issues at a younger age but as far as being around ME naked....she has none as of yet and she is 11. Her privacy issues deal with her Dad or Step Dad as far as not wanting them to see her naked or wanting to see them either. That came around the same age as your brothers daughter. But like I said...with me it seems to be ok to her for her to see me naked or for her to be naked around me. I think it's because we are both "girls" I am a very open person so I myself do not see anything wrong at all with you taking a shower with your daughter at this age. I don't shower with my 11 year old anymore but now it is more out of convience and the fact that there is not that much room in there for 2 with her at this age. lol I still however showered with her at the age your daughter is at now though. I think there is probably a big difference between your brother and yourself as far as your childrend are concerned. You are a girl too just like your daughter. He is a boy and his daughter is a girl. I don't think the two can be compared because of the same/difference in sex. I would think that you have a while to go before you need to deal with this issue because if your daughter was NT......at this age she still probably wouldn't have issues with showering with you because you are her mother and a girl also.

Karrie

thanks for the responses. i feel a lot better. :)

my biggest concern is, because she is autistic, she may never realize that it could be inappropriate. so i cant really go by how she feels about it. to her, its more routine than anything. i'm completely comfortable with it, just because she's my baby. but i guess i dont know when that age is to stop doing it. i remember showering with my mom when i was 6, but not much older than that.

so far my friends and family seem to have no problem with it. they all understand that my daughter is HFA, so there are usually exceptions regarding how i raise her compared to how they raise their kids. and almost every one of my siblings (the ones with kids, anyway) has showered with their children up until the age of 5. they also find it completely natural.

the only thing i am uncomfortable with is the fact that when we shower together, my daughter is so fascinated with rubbing my legs. especially if i havent shaved. i'm like "AAAAHH! dont rub my hairy legs!" and she thinks its the funniest thing in the world. but geez... she could at least wait until i have a chance to shave!!