Working Moms | Autism PDD
We're a two income family, with mine as the primary. I have a nanny who works for me 7:30 - 5:30 five days/week. She drives C to private speech and OT, as well as gymnastics, the pool, etc. When kids are in school (half-day K) she runs errands for me and does stuff around the house. My job is only 3 miles from home, and I have a lot of control over my schedule, so taking time out of the day to attend to school matters is not usually a big deal (though I pay for it by making up the time at night). However, I do have a high-stress job, more than 40 hrs/week, and it's not something I can forget about at the end of the day. I often have to work at night after the kids go to bed.
A part of me feels guilty and wishes I could stay home and work with C more, but honestly he's doing great. Oddly enough, he's the easy one and it's my NT son that is the more difficult child to deal with day-in day-out. (Of course it's opposite at school - NT child is angel and ASD child struggles). I crunch the numbers all the time to try and figure out a way to stay home and still maintain a lifestyle that we would be happy with and I just can't get the math to work out. When I weigh the benefit of me being home v. the benefit of my salary I conclude that I need to keep working right now.
I really don't think I view work as a respite from raising kids. It's almost the other way around for me. Caveat being of course that the grass is always greener but I most often feel like I'd rather be home dealing with my own family's issues than here at work dealing with the issues of the 50+ people who work for me.
It's a tough balance for all of us, and all of our situations are unique. I'm just going to keep reassessing my options over time and hope I make good choices.
I just quit my job in hi-tech, I'll be off on June 15. Having workedfull time for the last 14 years, and through maternity, this will be
a new experience, but I felt that this year before my son goes
to Kindergarten is crucial for me. I had a hard time juggling
therapies and appointments etc with work, even with
flexible hours and so on, and at the end of the day had no
energy to interact with my son. So we are going from a 2 income
family to a single income family, and we live in the most expensive
place ( the bay area) and we are planning to spend lots of money
on RDI and biomed.
But still, I think I made the right choice. If hi-tech stays
upbeat the way it is, I can hope to get back after a year or two.
DH and I both work full time. He works nights and I work days. We have a lovely babysitter who comes over for about 3 hours in between our shifts. She's not there everyday as DH has rotating days off. This is new (2 months ago) because prior to this DH and I tag team parented - I came through the door and he went out. Now, he has earlier hours, which is great because he gets more sleep. Previously he came home about 2:00 a.m. and I was waking him and 7:00 a.m. when I left. He would get a short nap in when the baby took his nap but not enough.
DH takes Anthony to speech therapy. I'm home when the ABA therapy is going on. DH does the grocery shopping and handles school pick ups and drop offs. I handle all the cleaning (not fair but he just refuses to multitask). DH is very good about getting Anthony out and into social situations during the day. He takes him to the park, Chuck E Cheese, etc. After dinner, I usually have the boys outside with all the neighbor children. (I count any social situations as therapy!)
And, I'm the "autism" person in the family. I handle anything autism related.
I would love to stay at home, but I have to work for my job is the financial support of the family and provides the much needed insurance (which doesn't cover any of the therapies, but does cover much of the biomed stuff we are doing).
My employer has been great at working with my schedule to allow me to take the kids to therapies, attend various evals and meetings w/ schools, etc. I am actively involved in everything they do. Of course, my husband does a lot too because he stays at home, but he doesn't keep abreast of all their evals, schools and medical issues. That is all me.
It is stressful to try and be there for the kids all the time, but I also feel that being away from them for a few hours a day helps to keep me sane because it is the only time where I don't always think about autism. Keep in mind this is just me. Others may feel differently.
We both work full-time. We also do the opposite shift thing. We couldn't afford to live on one income. We have 6 kids all together. (3 girls with my hubbys first wife, 3 boys with me). Now that 3 are adults and we are not paying child support I thought one of us could go part time but it doesn't seem to work that way.
Adam wasn't dx'd until he was 7, so we weren't doing a lot of therapies and stuff before he was in school. He did do 1 1/2 years of private OT and also sees a Psychologist for his anxiety and social skills. But we never had the ABA 40 hours or anything like that to deal with.
I quit my job that I loved and now love in retrospect 3 weeks back. I am still adjusting to the SAHM thing bec this is my first time home - its HARD, alot harder than late nights in the office cranking out analytics for business reviews....
Would I go back if I could???? - ABSOLUTELY! Bec I think at the end of the day when i got back from work I "wanted" to be with my daughter - right now at times it is soooo forced!! But dd is phobic and cannot adjust t day care. I am not in a position to trust a nanny bec. with dd's tantrums, well lets just say that only a mom/dad can tolerate them!!! DH and I both worked at jobs we liked and were doing well... I guess we decided that right now my daughter needs her mommy at home more than she needs her daddy so I'm the lucky (???) one at home!!! I wish I wish I wish a mircale happens and everything is back to normal!
I work full time and there is only my income. I am both GRATEFUL and LUCY to have a wonderful employer that lets me take time when I need to, and I also use vacation and sick time to accomodate my kids' and my appointments. My employer has never asked me to do this and wouldn't, but I never wan them to feel I would take advantage of them. I REALLY NEED the job and the benefits.
I travel 1.5 hours a day combined to get to and from my work. I never have enough time in the day to get done everything that I need to do. BUT I make sure I spend any quality time with my children that I can get AND take time out every day to wind down and relax...or just go to bed with the kids.
I can only juggle all of this because I make the stuff that can wait...WAIT. My prioritys are with my kids, myself and my job. Not in mowing the lawn or doing housework in a timely manner. My friends and family totally understand when they come to my place, if it is a bit untidy or unorganized. They empathize with my life, and only care about our happiness.
Yeah I could feel really bad about the way I must live my life, but I refuse to feel that way as much as possible! I have way more to be grateful for then not!!
we need the 2 incomes.. But for now i stay at home during the day and hubby works and i work at night and on the weekends.. My job is not the bread winner but it helps pay the bills and other things.. Plus i was going insane staying home all the time.. If my son goes a full-day in september i wilgo back to work full time then maybe we can pay off our credit card debt we are so in the whole.. I am scrae dto look at my bills lately.. My hubby and I both work part time. He works 9-1 weekdays (total of 20hours per week), and I work a total of 24 hours stretched over Friday
night to Sunday afternoon. To round out our income (2 part time or one
full time isn't enough to pay the bills), we're foster parents to two high-
needs kiddos (we do it for other reasons too, but certainly wouldn't do it
for free). We also provide respite for an extra boy with dev. disabilities on
alternate weekends.
I know we're very lucky to have the schedules we do, as it allows us to
spend a fair amount of time with the kids. If I was working through the
week, I don't know what we would've done the last six months while
Don's been out of school. However, since hubby and I both work
professionally supporting folks with disabilities, and then we do the same
thing at home, it feels like we never have time off. It's hard to keep sight
of what "normal" is sometimes.
I do enjoy my weekends at work, because it's a change of scenery, but, if I
were to win the lottery or come into a lot of money, I probably wouldn't
work at all. However, my job provides our medical benefits, which pays
for Donny's medications. Without that, we'd be paying around 0/
month on his meds. It also provides dental, life insurance, and disability
insurance, the latter of which was useful when I was off work with
rheumatoid arthritis for two and a half years.
When I first went back to work, a year ago, I tried full time, and I just
couldn't do it. It wasn't enough time with Donny, and our relationship
(and thus his behaviour) really suffered.
I work FT and so does DH. If I did not need it financially, I would still need the respite from my KIDS (NT ones more than T! They are wild).
We were lucky enough to get itinerant services at DD's preschool but I ended up attending most session to observe and learn techniques (which was worth EVERY MINUTE), just by alternating long and short workdays. My boss was VERY accommodating.
I hoard vacation and sick leave for use on kid stuff, right now. And ... I go to bed when the kids do!
I work full-time. Ds was in a full-time daycare when his issues were noticed (at 18 months). He's now 3 1/2 and the therapy takes place at his school (it's a mainstream school; he's there all day & gets services about half the time). It has worked out well for me becuse I find that it is so hard to eat, drink, sleep, and think about pdd. I think work gives me a chance not to think about it every single minute (every other minute instead :) ). I know there some SN pre-schools here in NYC as well (I looked into them last year for ds but he didn't get into any of them so we stayed with what we were doing). Is that an option for you?For those of you that work full time- how do you do it all logisitically wiht your children's therapies, etc?
I am a working mom because I HAVE to be. I am divorced with a loser of an ex. Logistically it is tough...right now I have a job I have been at for 6 years and my boss is pretty understanding about leaving early, coming in late, etc. for appointments for Ali. I am in the process of looking for a new job, I am trying to get into a local hospital that has great benefits even for part timers. I was looking to work a night shift or a 7-2 shift...I have my fingers crossed hoping they call. I do a lot with Ali myself. I am almost finished a B.S. in Psychology and I have 40+ credits in special education so I have been fortunate enough to be able to do a lot of teaching (academic material and social skills) to Ali myself.
Do you find that working gives you a much needed respite from the daily grind of raising a special needs child or do you feel guilty that you arent home supervising everything?
The only respite working gives me is the being away from my child physically but I find myself on here, researching autism & therapies, making phone calls, trying to talk to Ali on the phone, or doing something else for Ali (looking into schools, shopping for clothes, shopping for academic materials, research, whatever online) any second I can spare from my real work.
I feel a little guilty working because I know NO ONE else could do as much/as well with Ali than me and because Ali has told me she wants me home, but I also know I have no choice but to work since I am a single mom. Mostly, I feel sad and angry at having to work so much. I resent Ali's father for being such a jerk...cause if I was married to a good man, maybe I could be home with my daughter. I am constantly looking for ways that I could work less or hours that would enable me to be home with Ali. I would rather be with my daughter than working. I am lucky my mom watchs her. Before Ali started making some progress, she was so difficult my mom said she did not think she could handle watching her any longer and I do not like leaving her with total strangers and I was soooo worried and stressed cause there was no one else I knew that would even consider watching her for a ton of money because her behavior was so out of control. Ali really has come a long way :) I keep saying I am gonna win the Mega Millions and quit work and just go to school (right now I take online classes, if I did not have to work, I would take physical classes and with not working I would still gain 25 hours a week with Ali). We'll see...I keep playing!
All I can say, tkny12, is that given the opportunity I would stay home with my daughter in a heartbeat. I think Ali would be even more better off if I was able to stay home. I am jealous of anyone who can even think about staying home or working part time. With Ali starting school I am desperate to find a way to work less, better hours...somehow! Right now she is a nightowl who hates sleep...she goes to sleep about 12-1am every night...once she gets into the routine of getting up and going ot bed early...I will only get like 4 hours a day with her on week nights.....that is just not enough
It all came to a crashing halt when my contract ended and I took the summer off which was great for me and Andrew. Then I started looking for a job that was more flexible and while I was interviewing for 3 positions, I ended up having major surgery. To make a long story short, I'm healthy now although still not working, and the time I spent with and advocating for Andrew was priceless. However, we're a 2 income household, I was the primary breadwinner, we're in debt up to our eyeballs, I've spent my 401K with penalty, etc., etc.
I NEED to go back to work now for my mental, emotional, spiritual and financial health...But I won't take a job that I know will adversely affect my son...Thus I'm still not working!
I am the breadwinner and DH is the SAHD - honestly I would like both of us to be working PT and making plenty of money
I wish I worked fewer hours - I feel helpless becasue I cant do all the floortime /RDI type things that I like -
The good thing is on an overall basis I love my job
Unfortunatley for me my job became really stressful right around the time that R got diagnosed as welll so I feel I am "on" all day- I am working every hour of the day and still feel like I am behind on everything but until this past year - work was a definite "refresher"
But this - DH - going to all the therapies - etc works well - R is so obsessed with me ( whn I am present - when I am away like I am travelling for work right now and he is perfectly fine and happy) - that if I am there he wants nothing to do with the therapist
For those of you that work full time- how do you do it all logisitically wiht your children's therapies, etc? Do you find that working gives you a much needed respite from the daily grind of raising a special needs child or do you feel guilty that you arent home supervising everything?
I have a career that i love that ive built up over the past 12 years, and now with my son's dx, Im so torn between giving it up or sticking with it. My son is absolutely my first priority, and for financial reasons I do need to work, but its such a hard choice to make.
Would love to hear from others in the same boat.
We are in the same boat where we are a two income family. My husband works rotating shifts during the week and then on the weekends I work 12hr night shift for the hospital. Which means I usually don't sleep from the time I get up Friday until Saturday morning when I come home and then the same on Sunday I get up for work and I am up until late Monday night. We try to arrange it so that one or the other of us are always home. The difficulty we run into is that we are both full-time students along with working full-time. So we just kind of rotate who will be home so we can each have the classes we need at school and still be home with the kids. We don't get respite and the kids don't have someone other than their aunts or uncles watch them on occasion. It can be exhausting but it seems to work. We are a 2 income family as well. We both work fulltime during the day, but we both work for VERY understanding companies. We rotate who will take time off for different appointments so that it isn't just one of us doing it. My job also allows me to "make up" or move my schedule around a little too - so that helps. We could live on one income, but it would be very tight. Money causes arguements so we just make sure that we have enough to buy what we need and sometimes want.
I work part-time as a RN. I was off for 7 months for illness and while I can find plenty to do with my time, I really do like to work. We also need it financially.
My dh works in public service and is gone 24-72 hours at a time, so lots of times I'm on my own. I have a fixed schedule and my employer is very flexable too. I've tried all types of child care. When my kids were little a part-time nanny was really the best, and then I found a perfect preschool until they were school age. Now I use daycare at the school and a wonderful neighborhood babysitter watches some early mornings. I just schedule my ds needs around my work schedule and if dh is around then he takes over.
So far I haven't had problems with the SD working around my schedule for my sons services.
Single mommy has no choice but to work full time. Nick does ok with his sitter, and some of his therapy is done at her house, as well as at his pre-k program.
I'm lucky to have a 4 day work week, which gives me Friday to have therapy at home, and appointments. I also have a really understanding boss.
Even if I didn't HAVE to work, I probably would anyway.
I am going through something similar too. I just left abusive ex, and started a new life. But having to work full time has meant Jaron missing his last 3 appointments. It's so hard. I have 5 weeks left of 40 hour a week training, then I can choose part time work. Thank Heavens, so then I can make sure he gets to his appointments and so forth. Just being away from my kids period breaks my heart.Copyright Autism-PDD.net