Venting welcome here. It helps to talk to people who have been through it.
Before I give advice, let me ask a question. In situations like the pool, do you ask directly for help. Such as "mom could you take off his floatie while I pack the bag?"
I hear ya!! My inlaws are like that. We visit them because dh wants our kids to know thier grandparents. Whatever. We've had the same arguement over and over and over...I love my dh very much and I can understand his point of view. He understands mine too. I have asked him to talk with his parents about at the very least comming to visit our kids once in a while. We live about 2 minutes away. They seemed receptive, but nothing has changed. But who do they call when they need money, food, a ride, etc...? You guessed it. I used to really like my inlaws. I do still get along with them for the families sake. To keep peace, I suppose. BUT, I put a stop to our constant visits. We visit once or twice a month. Not once or twice a week like it used to be. In fact, the ONLY thing keeping me from moving my family far, far away is Julian. I don't want him to regress and I think he is at a point where if his surroundings changed a lot, he may.
All I can tell you is since its your direct family, not inlaws is maybe have a serious talk and tell them how you feel. They may not even realize they are hurting you and your kids. Once you have the talk, maybe you can arrange a get together at YOUR house. We have parties for our kids birthdays and that seems to work better than going to their house.
Good luck to you and don't feel alone...most of us have been there!
Rachelle
Well, no one EVER comes to see us...MY Family, HIS Family... But I don't think it's because of Tony (HFA 9y/o), but because our lives are so different. BUT My Mother-in-law almost everytime I talk to her (which is something I try NOT to do), she ALWAYS has advice about Tony that never makes ANY sense!!!! She SAYS she reads up on Autism, but when I actually try to talk to her about Tony or his behaviors or his grades, she says things like "that wasn't in what I read, are you SURE you know what he's been doing?"....HUH????? What the heck does THAT mean??? *shaking head* ......... MY older Brother, who I've told about on here before, likes to THINK he knows all there is to know about not only autism, but just about any topic anyone talks about, he ALWAYS tries to make it seem like I don't know enough about autism OR how to raise a Son with autism........I dunno, he just always makes snide remarks that HE thinks is funny........Oh well, I guess it COULD be worse........................
God Bless you all & keep you all safe!
LINDA...aka Tony'sMom...aka MWN64
krismcj,
Hi. Sorry you had such a rough time. I agree with Suzi T here on the fact that maybe you should say something to them. Also if your brother and sister have their own kids maybe they don't even think to offer help because they are busy with their own? I know that my sister has her children and I have mine and when I go to visit her by myself and my kids, I have to be honest with you I don't expect her to help me with mine because I know that she has her own to deal with. But if there was a time where I felt like I really needed her help I would ask for it. Have a great time in your pool!!! Take care,
Karrie
I have had enough!! My family is TERRIBLE i have three boys 8-3-2 yrs old.Two are Autistic and a family that don't care!!! We went to my moms yesterday to swim in her pool with my sister that is in town visiting my brother who lives around here and of course my mom well with me and three kids it's tuff to get them all dressed and floatation devices on then to keep an eye on them in the pool is just not much fun for me. You would think my family would help ya right i hear my mom saying no kids in her house cuz she just cleaned and my brother and sister are swimming playing with my nieces then there are me and my boys in one end of the pool hanging on to me wanting all my attention and i just can't give all three the attention they need at that time. finally my sister comes and wants to play with the 2 yr. old (normal kid) then my brother finally comes and takes my 3 yr. old for a couple min. my point my 8 yr. old high function child never gets any attention from my family they always say i don't know how you do it. I'm so sick of that phrase!!! then come time i have to leave. (well want to leave)Not one of my family members offer to help load or carry my children out!!!!! Once again i do it by myself not that i can't cause i do it all the time just that when your around family you would think they would help,Not mine!!! Mind you my family never helps me out or comes and visits and were not ever invited for dinners,anything. So why do I go visit them????
Thanks for letting me get this off my chest !!!
When my boys get home from school i'm gonna take them in our pool and have the time of our life !!!!
Hi Everyone feel better now. I haven't talked to anyone in my family today ! lol And to answer your questions I have asked for help either they say they can't do it or he won't stand or sit still thats when i hear don't know how you do it, and my sister came for vacation by her self and my brothers kids are 13- 10 they don't require much at that age.Well thanks for listening thats why i love this place you all have been there or know what it is like.
Thanks again
HI, Sorry to hear how your family treats u and the kids, never mind them keep up the good work. I know is hard but god wouldn't give u something u couldn't handle, take care.
I like the question: how do you communicate your needs to your family? My sibs had to have thingss explained to them a cuple of times. It helped that my mom has seen how hard I work with Benjamin and the progress that he making. She talks with my sibs frequently and I have astrong hunch that Mom has facilitated alot of changing hearts. Do you have a friend that your family respects? You are clearly hurt and an advocate, someone to help you communicate with your family might help.I don't have alot of trust for babysetters because Jared was abused in ones care. And if that weren't bad enough I watched Dr. Phil the other day. SCARY!
I do have one sister who will trade favors and watch my kids on occasion. She is watching them for me this Sunday as it's her turn and I have to go to a babyshower out of state.
She had mentioned she was taking all four and I was only taking her three y/o, but I think it's an even trade because her NT kid is so distructive.
Last time he smeared Desitine all over my couch and this time he pulled out his bowel movement (he is suposed to be pottytrained) and smeared it all over my sons bedroom.
I did make him do most of the cleanup this time. He is so bright he is more then likely gifted but he does the stangest and most destructive things. But Rachelleh I do know what you mean about being asked and then nobody has the time for your kids.You could look at it as a compliment mom-in-law knows your a SUPERMOM! Nelle
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