Public School and Reports of Child Abuse | Autism PDD

Good morning.

I am the mother of 3 beautiful girls. My second born, Bell-now 9, is diagnosed w/Aspergers.

Last school year just before Christmas one of my daughter’s teachers reported her suspicions of abuse to the state’s child protection authorities. Identities of those reporting the suspected abuse are confidential, but Bell’s teacher called me and told me that she planned to do this. I know that public school teachers are in a catch 22 with this sort of thing and Bell’s teacher noticed that she often had bruises. Lord knows what else could have alarmed her. Bell sometimes pulls her hair out when she’s upset, and I’m sure that raised a flag as well. I also have a 12 y/o and an 8 y/o and when everyone came home from school the day the teacher called me I began to explain to them that Bell’s teacher was concerned about where Bell’s bruises were coming from. I told them that it was possible that people may want to ask them questions about it. Imagine my surprise when they both told me that 2 ladies had already been to their schools and asked them all sorts of questions.

At any rate, the agency investigated us, and quite quickly realized that Bell was not being abused. Bell could not possibly be in safer hands than my own.

The damage has been done though. I felt violated. If any of you have been through this you know that this type of thing makes you understand just how fragile your “parental rights” are.

Following this I checked Bell out of school and began teaching her at home. We have made wonderful progress, but I am ready to try placing her back in public school. She is eligible to receive many services through the public school system that I am unable to provide for her on my own.

Is there any way to avoid this happening again? Have any of you had any success in talking with school officials beforehand about this sort of thing? They know that she has a disability, but is there an effective way to say “hey, sometimes Bell has bruises and they are not a result of abuse so please don’t report us.” ?

Also, I have researched the laws in my state and have come up empty handed. I’m trying to find something that restricts anyone from having access to my children without my prior knowledge and approval. Mostly what I’m discovering is that the moment our children walk through the door to their public school, your rights as a parent diminish.

Please do not misunderstand this post as bashing the public school system. I appreciate public educators. In this case however; the processes in place to protect my family have done the opposite.

Hi T ~
Just thought I would add, as while I'm sure it did feel like a violation to you, I have to say I'm so glad that the schools do this now-a-days...had it been done 20 years ago, my sister and I would have been spared 6 years of h*ll....Like I told my sister-in-law, who was reported after her daughter fell off her bike one week and bruised up her leg, then off the swing the next week and broke her arm...yes it is a little intrusive, and I understand you are offended, but as you have nothing to hide (and especially in your case a documented disability) and therefore, no reason to "worry" ... the number of children who are too afraid to speak up that it may save in the future is definitely worth it.
Hugs to you....I understand it's rough in your situation (you sound like a very loving mother)...but there is a benefit for other kids.
~Lesley

(I'm sorry - no real advice here - Michelle's sounds VERY sound! Just thought I'd give you the upside to them doing this

Lesley,

I am thankful that there are people who care enough to call authorities when there are suspicions of abuse. I'd much rather deal with the problems it's caused my family than to have a child endure abuse. As an adult I am equipped to handle these situations (on my good days anyway

I'm not upset with the teacher or the school and although I don't have anything to hide and trust the system will see things for what they are (which they did and closed the case just as quickly as it had opened) I DO worry about the impact this will have on my girls. My 12 and 8 year old daughters love Bell very much and would do anything at all for her but 7th grade is not a forgiving place and the officials visiting the school has been one of the hardest issues my pre-teen has had to work through. It’s also very hard to explain to an 8 y/o why a stranger is asking her if her mom does drugs or touches her in private places. These are routine questions asked in my state when there are suspicions of any type of abuse. I’ve tried to allow my daughters to be children for as long as possible and honestly wasn’t ready to explain to a 2^nd grader that some parents do things like that to their children.

Do I trust that it will be obvious that there isn’t any abuse occurring in my home? Yes, whole heartedly; however, I'd do anything to spare them from going through this again.

What my family has endured is a very small price to pay if it means that the system in place prevents just one child from being abused..........I’m looking for a happy medium I suppose.

I TOTALLY understand, really I do, and I in no way meant otherwise! I can tell that you care a great deal for your children, and I'm sure I'd be livid having found out they talked to my kids without me knowing.

Kids are resilient though...and I'm sure your girls KNOW how much you care as well! And that's a good thing and makes all the difference in the world. Maybe just explaining to them that their teachers want to make sure ALL kids are safe would help. I don't think I started talking to mine about child abuse specifically until about 5th grade...but I did, and told them this kind of thing does happen, and that it's wrong, and that if any of their friends go through something like this, to let me know....that I would help in any and every way possible...I guess it's my way to make things right with the world!

Michelle sorry but you are wrong. It doesn't matter who the case manager is. Child protection is under no legal obligation to even talk to the case manager. When they get a complaint, their only legal obligation is to talk to the legal guardian or parent of the child. Child protection could care less who the case manager is. Child protection's role is to investigate the complaint and take the proper measures, in their eyes , on how to deal with the problem. If child protection tells you to jump in the Mississippi River ten times, you do it. You then come back and ask them what else you can do. That is the way it works. Why would you want to keep the case opened for 10 years? All it takes is one little complaint in those ten years. Doesn't matter what the complaint is. No one has to have any proof or even be telling the truth when they file a complaint with child protection. If there is another complaint in those 10 years, all child protection has to do is go before a judge, you would never know this, and say "there is a pattern here". The judge will look over it quickly, sign the warrant, and the kids will be removed. You don't even have to let child protection in your house when they show up. It won't look good on you when you refuse, looks like you have something to hide, and in theory they could come back and take the kids out of the home immediately.

For us that has dealt with child protection we know anyone can make up anything, turn you in , and child protection has to investigate it. For example my brother one time was irritated at Jeffrey. So he told him if he didn't behave he was gonna stick his head in the oven. We were told that when we were kids, no big deal. Oh but to Jeffrey it was. He told his teacher at school. She was obligated to report it. So child protection called me. Because they were under an obligation to investigate it. I did have to laugh at this. As I told child protection my oven wasn't big enough to put a big turkey in. I also told them we were told that alot, about sticking our head in the oven, as a kid. I also told them that I immediately told my brother he couldn't say that to Jeffrey because he would think he was serious about it. The child protection worker laughed it off, said he thought that was the case, but by law was obligated to investigate it. And the worker knew Jeffrey had autism. As far as documentation on self injurious type behaviours, it doesn't matter. When child protection gets a complaint, they have to investigate it. No matter how tedious the complaint may seem. And if your child has a vivid imagination, forget about it. You just better make sure that is very well documented, everywhere.

Tammy

tysyva I could be wrong because some of these things I am just learning about as well. My son is going on 10, was diagnosed at 32 1/2 months, and I am JUST LEARNING about case managers. Does Bell Have a case manager? Although we live far from some perfect world where things should be easier for us.... my thought is this. I was recently told the case manager can be for my son. They can help advocate for him and come to IEP meetings. They are the go to person when there are questions I need answers to. They are supposed to work with him and the family. Maybe if Bell had a case manager as soon as the school would question bruises they would contact the case manager OR if they reported to child protective services the case manager would be notified. I dont think you are ever going to have the school NOT call if there is question of abuse because even kids who have self injurious behaviors do to a disability can and sadly are abused and how awful it would be if it did happen and no one reported it. However with her disability clearly documented it shouldn't be some serious drawn out thing. I have heard too where some parents ask the case remain open. I would speak with the child protective service worker and ask them what you can do. Mention you appreciate their concern for your child but ask how you can go about it causing the LEAST amount of added stress (which Im sure causes more self injurious behaviors) for Bell

Tammy,

I know what you mean about doing EXACTLY as they say. They are a powerful organization and this is what is scary to me. I can’t imagine what you all must have been going through during the time that you were separated from your children. What happened to you is the whole reason I am looking for a way to prevent my family from ending up back in their system.

My children were not removed from the home and for this I am thankful. Can I honestly say “No harm done.”??

No. As indicated in better detail in my later post, there is harm in what has happened albeit pale in comparison.

One might say that it could have been much worse. Sure it could have, as you know first hand and I am truly sorry that your family has gone through this. It’s discouraging when you hear how loving families have been torn apart based on a nameless, faceless accuser who has no obligation to provide proof. It’s also discouraging to hear of children that go unheard; battered and bruised when all of the obvious signs are there. I hear my own mother’s voice…….”There’s always 2 sides dear…..” Yes, I know Mom.

If I have to jump in the Mississippi 10 times to benefit my girls then I’d do it 20.

B UT…………

Is that really “the way it works”?? Perhaps it is but there is always room for improvement. If the agency told you that your children should have never been removed in the first place then it sounds as though they might argue that there’s room for improvement as well.

As I stated before, I would rather take what ever comes of the accusation than to create holes in the system that abused children could potentially fall through.

Everything is relative and if the happy medium that I’m searching for is not achievable then I can certainly accept that and move on. “The system” is far from perfect but if we do not question things from time to time then things will never improve. If nothing else at least I know I’m doing all I can to look out for, speak up for, shelter, protect and comfort my girls and to do for my Bell what she is unable to do for herself. That’s what I’m here for.

Please use my hands on days when yours

Won’t do what you intend

For you dear Bell, there’s not a thing

I’d be hard pressed to lend

And if today you find life’s troubles

A bit too much to bear

Please take some of my courage

I’ve got plenty to spare

Use my legs to walk this journey

And my eyes to cry your tears

Take my arms to wrap around you

Take my strength to chase your fears

And if a melody is what you wish

Use my voice to sing your song

But if it’s my heart that you desire

It has been yours all along

You know I personally think alot of them have burnout. And quite frankly I bet alot of them see major child abuse cases and they get to where they just assume a parent is lying. I do think they should be rotated out. If they are handling the major cases of child abuse, you know the cases where it is so obvious the kid is being abused, re assign them for a year or more, make them go thru training courses for kids that autism/pdd-nos or any other developmentally delayed disability. I know in my case I guess there was great debate over what that one officer did. He is the type of officer to get on his soap box and accuse you, but have nothing to back it up. And we all know if you don't question kids right, they do tend to tell the adults what they want to hear.

Now what gets me if the people making the complaint, there is no accountablilty. For example when they make up the charges, why are they not investigated to the full extinct of the law? They should change it, the way you can call in complaints. I know one time I had this drunk ex roommate that got mad because I didn't answer the phone one night when she called. She told the cops I left the kids home alone. I was painting the kitchen that night so of course I had paint on me. And I had to park my car in the shade because the radiator was leaking and that is what the mechanic told me to do. So when the cop knocked on the door I had a paint brush in one hand, and paint in my hair. I told him that obviously I am painting and showed him exactly where my car was at. I also told him that the woman I thought did it had called and I didn't answer the phone and she was drunk. He asked me what her number was and I told him. He said that is who called it in and not to worry they could track her down, even on a cell phone. But yeah some changes do need to be made to way it is reported and the workers attitudes in general.

Tammy