OMG....this could have been asked by me | Autism PDD

Thanks Tzoya for your support.... Karen has been helping me too...but I definitely need a local advocate...like you both have been saying. I'm still waiting for this one to call or email me back. He was the one that knows the Wrights...and he's a psychologist too. This is so stressful.

I was digging around and found another district (they are 30 minutes away), but they have an online summer school program. That school is closed today still for spring break, but I'm going to call them tomorrow to see if my son could take their summer school online course for English 9 and Geometry. Their English online class may actually be for the entire English 9...(both semesters) instead of our district school's summer school program which only covers one semester of English 9 . If my son can get permission to take it and get the credit for even both....I wonder if I can also request from the school a tutor to help him during this time too?

Virginia Greys39183.3681018519

Virginia -- What is your goal for the next year for your son and for now until he is 21? What do you see as his biggest needs when you try picturing him in an independent home and going to a real job? How can the school help you get him there from here? I am concerned that in trying to get him out of HS with a diploma ASAP, you may be keeping him from getting the help he REALLY needs. Of course, you may be working under the gun because he won't cooperate with the plan after age 18 and you want him to feel some success ASAP so he'll STAY in school. But please make sure you're not focusing on academic success and ignoring all the other things you can make the District help him with. Here is an excellent website ALL ABOUT TRANSITION. I hope it helps:

http://www.ncset.org/

Kids like Greg are LEGION. And so are schools like yours. Asperger's is STILL the most misunderstood disablity in most High Schools. That will probably change, but when our kids were born, the stats were still 1 in 10,000, so the HS have not yet had much experience with autism. They will. SO glad you've got the evals in the pipeline. How soon can this good advocate help you? DO you have any connections in the autism community near you? Perhaps another parent can give you some help. Parents help parents around here all the time. There are sometimes volunteer advocates among the parents. I do that sometimes (but I won't go to a meeting with someonei in my own District since I don't want anything I say on behalf of someone else's child to negatively impact mine).

Virginia,

Just wanted to send some (((HUGS))) and best wishes as you work through this. I can't really add to the excellent advice you've already been given, but I just wanted to let you know I've been following this thread and I'm rooting for you!!!

My son is only 6 and I'm always very interested in the threads around older kids and transition as a way of understanding the challenges I may face in the future.

Good luck!!!

[QUOTE=kristys]

Virginia,

My son is only 6 and I'm always very interested in the threads around older kids and transition as a way of understanding the challenges I may face in the future.

Good luck!!!

[/QUOTE]

Thanks Kristy....I am praying that with the help that I have received here on the boards...that Greg will find a way to succeed. He's so damn smart, but just isn't "getting" what or the way the current teachers are teaching him.

I hope that by me sharing my journey that I do help others here...like yourself. That is the wondeful part about message boards...sharing and listening...and learning.

[QUOTE=tzoya]

His IEP meeting this week is just for the assistant technology evaluation and the OT eval. I also requested the auditory processing test too....but I don't know if that will be approved or not. I was called about something else and was given a heads up that his IEP meeting could be this coming week. However....I wasn't called yet officially.

[quote=tzoya]The truth is, I think he needs to be out of the mainstream at this point. Here in NY, we have the right to ask that an outside autism consultant be sent into school to observe and make recommendations. Even if that's not an automatic right in Virginia, you CAN ask for that. [/quote]

I've written that in my notebook that I'll be taking with me...and I'll see what they say. I also know someone in Va Beach that might be able to recommend someone to do the evaluation...so I'll see what she says. ("She" is the teacher/cousin's girlfriend that caught on that Greg had aspergers last year, but then our school's psychologist disagreed and came back with adhd again

)

[quote]Your gut is right. Any advocate who would tell you to "trust" the school district is whacked. Don't listen. WAIT for that other guy. MEMORIZE From Emotions to Advocacy. Take that title LITERALLY. Getting your emotions involved here is going to HURT your son. I know. It's nigh on to impossible to remain calm and objective, but you HAVE to be. Read and reread that book. DO what Pete Wright suggests. It works. Read your notes from the Boot Camp. And wait. Wait for the RIGHT help. The truth is, nothing that earth-shattering is going to happen between now and the end of the year. Oh, yes, one more thing. Check with your insurance and see if a complete neuropsychological exam is covered. Get one. Call the advocate's office first, though, because you don't want certain tests done that would preclude HIS psychologist from doing them. Or make an appt. asap with HIS psychologist. You can do this. Right now you feel powerless because you're not doing anything useful. Getting your son properly tested will take a while, so THAT's what you need to be doing now. Please keep posting and we'll be able to get you through.[/QUOTE]

The advocate that I want is

C. Rick Ellis, Ed.D.
Center for Excellence/Psychological Services
Dr. Ellis is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and School Psychologist that specializes in children and adults with PDD/AS/HFA and related disorders.

Autism Program of Virginia
http://www.autismva.org

(Rick was the guy at Wright's meeting...and I think that Mr. Wright used Pete's experience before in a case.)

I was hoping to get someone to help me a little at this coming IEP meeting though...and Rick can't...so that I could get Greg out of the classes that he's in currently. This coming IEP meeting is why I didn't force them to move him YET, since I didn't want to delay getting the OT and AT evals in place. I was hoping to move him to that one school too....but he informed me today that a kid that has always picked on him....just moved to that school district from our district.

Perhaps if he's not in any of that kids classes..then he'll be fine? But what are the guarantees?

Well....another book has been written...so sorry.

Here's an update since Wednesday

I spoke to the lady that works with our school and sp.ed....and told her. She suggested that I ask the teacher what she said to Greg, but then she suggested that I ask the teacher about Greg's grades...so I sent her this in an email.

I wrote:[quote]I have access to Greg's grades, but my question to you is "Is there anyway that Greg can actually pass your class at this point?".

Diane Grimes[/quote]

Her reply:
[quote]
If Greg were willing to buckle down and do the assignments in my class for 4th quarter, I would work with him
and make an adjustment on the Semester 2 final grade if needed. I say that because I know that if Greg will just
do the assignments, he will perform fine. That is my frustration. I can rarely get him to do anything anymore. I
generally get responses like: "my hand hurts", "my head hurts", "my medicine isn't working....." I always give
him every assignment and make multiple efforts to spur him along but he refuses most of the time to complete
assignments. If you have a suggestion for how I might motivate him, please let me know.[/quote]

So I have emailed her back and asked

[quote]Ms. XXXXX....have you discussed this with Greg?[/quote]

The teacher replied today

[quote]Yes I have. His response is that he is supposed to be getting a computer. (?) He does not like
to write, which is why
he will not complete work.[/quote]

Ummm...Greg doesn't like to write because Greg can't write without it hurting and it's frustrating for him...hello!! It's been like this from the time he started writing....and I doubt that it will get better.

[QUOTE=IBGECKO]It is never a bad decision to have an advocate or some kind of representative accompany you to an IEP. I bring my Regional Center representative to all my IEP's, and I'm on great terms with the school and district. Just discuss everything with the advocate before hand and make sure you are on the same page as far as not being too advisarial goes. Also, since you are planning to move him to a new school, who cares what the teachers at this school think about you? As you can see, I disagree with this advice. You have been given no compelling reason to believe that the district will do right by your son once the evidence comes in. In all honesty, you don't have time to wait and see what they will do! They've had years to identify the problem and do something about it, and so far they have come up with zilch. This is not the time to put 100% of your faith in the system.[/QUOTE]

That's what I was thinking the whole time. I also think that this lady has been "working" with the system too long...and "thinks" that the "system" is going to do what's best. The system is NOT and has NOT been doing what's right for a long time. Shoot...if I hadn't found out about Greg having aspergers the way we did (taking him to juvenile intake for stealing again)....he would have ended up in the system (juvey) or dropping out of school.... I thank my lucky stars and my son's lucky stars... that the court appointed therapist (with Luthern family services) saw through what I thought were really bad behaviors and pointed us in the right direction.

It is never a bad decision to have an advocate or some kind of representative accompany you to an IEP. I bring my Regional Center representative to all my IEP's, and I'm on great terms with the school and district. Just discuss everything with the advocate before hand and make sure you are on the same page as far as not being too advisarial goes. Also, since you are planning to move him to a new school, who cares what the teachers at this school think about you? As you can see, I disagree with this advice. You have been given no compelling reason to believe that the district will do right by your son once the evidence comes in. In all honesty, you don't have time to wait and see what they will do! They've had years to identify the problem and do something about it, and so far they have come up with zilch. This is not the time to put 100% of your faith in the system.

Take a step now so that you'll feel like you're doing SOMETHING. Ask IMMEDIATELY for an "assistive technology evaluation." Ask for this in writing and say in the letter that the District should consider this letter your written consent to evaluate. While you're at it, ask for an OT eval. Your son DOES hurt when he writes. The truth is, I think he needs to be out of the mainstream at this point. Here in NY, we have the right to ask that an outside autism consultant be sent into school to observe and make recommendations. Even if that's not an automatic right in Virginia, you CAN ask for that.

Your gut is right. Any advocate who would tell you to "trust" the school district is whacked. Don't listen. WAIT for that other guy. MEMORIZE From Emotions to Advocacy. Take that title LITERALLY. Getting your emotions involved here is going to HURT your son. I know. It's nigh on to impossible to remain calm and objective, but you HAVE to be. Read and reread that book. DO what Pete Wright suggests. It works. Read your notes from the Boot Camp. And wait. Wait for the RIGHT help. The truth is, nothing that earth-shattering is going to happen between now and the end of the year. Oh, yes, one more thing. Check with your insurance and see if a complete neuropsychological exam is covered. Get one. Call the advocate's office first, though, because you don't want certain tests done that would preclude HIS psychologist from doing them. Or make an appt. asap with HIS psychologist. You can do this. Right now you feel powerless because you're not doing anything useful. Getting your son properly tested will take a while, so THAT's what you need to be doing now. Please keep posting and we'll be able to get you through.

I made a few calls today trying to get in touch with someone that was recommended to me last night as a possible advocate...a free one at that...even if temporarily...in the process of trying to get her number I ended up calling the chairman of SEAC. She called me and I was trying to tell her where we are and what we're doing....and she told me that I should trust the sp.ed. coordinator and the school....to help me get my son the right services. That this is a new dx for everyone and that it takes time to get the right services in place to help him. That hiring an advocate would/could be a waste of money and that it could hurt Greg's education rather than make it better. I'm guessing that she is thinking that an advocate would make the relationship between myself and the teachers worse? And then that would also make their relationship with my son harder...for them to work with him? (His current teachers have already given up on him though....I sense that ...and they don't "understand" truly how to work with him to help him).

I know that Pete Wright said to go into IEP meetings and act like we don't know what we're doing as parents, and to ask in a way that the school's are wanting to help, but I also don't want to make anymore wrong decisions with his education or IEP's at this point in the game...and I want to make sure that Greg gets the help he needs as soon as he can.

I explained to her how I didn't know any better 5 years ago...the reason I don't "trust" the school now....is that I let the school make the decisions in the past...and in doing so... they took away services till he began to fail in the 7th grade and I pulled him out of school because of him doing so much worse...and she said that's why she pushes so hard for parents to educate themselves and to be more involved with the process. She said...that was then....and this is now...not to let that cloud my judgement...and that she has faith in the two ladies that run the sp.ed. dept.

She had me in tears

I am frustrated. I know it takes some time for tests to come back...and that I can live with. I just need to be sure that from this point on...that the IEPs are written correctly....and I feel that an advocate that knows more about aspergers would be the way to go.

Are you worried that failing the grade will cause him to drop out? If not, there is nothing to worry about. He will do FAR better staying in school until he's older. And if you can get supports in place BEFORE he becomes determined to drop out, that might actually make him HAPPY about being in school. Is there an alternative HS near you? Can you get him resource room a few times a day? It really doesn't matter if he doesn't get enough credits to graduate "on time" as long as his experience is better for him so that he'll be willing to stick around for however long it will take him to get his HS diploma. Resist pressure from the SD to get him to drop out or get his GED or to hurry him along. Clearly, your son is not prepared to "lead an independent life and be economically self-sufficient" which is the very PURPOSE of IDEA 2004. It's written in EXACTLY that way. For Transition, you must ask your school disrtrict what THEY are doing to prepare him for an independent adult life and how THEY are preparing him to become economically self-sufficient. This needs to be your mantra. Independence, economic self-sufficiency. That is the bull's eye. Whatever you have to do to keep your son in school long enough to achieve that, you can MAKE the school district meet those goals. Especially if you get a good advocate at your side. As long as you can get your son to stick around, the rest is only about nerve and money. Money you'll be able to get. It will be worth going into debt to help your son at this point (it'll be in lieu of a college education because what sort of college education can he get without the foundation of a decent HS education?). The nerve you'll have to come up with on your own! I'm rooting for you.

Lovely....I went in to talk to my son....to find out again...what he wants to do...and to try to make him understand that he needs to try harder. He asked when he would be getting the alpha smart so he can write/type in classes? And then I tried to tell him that he really needs to start doing his homework, etc...that's when he tells me that one teacher went into the computer and pulled up all his grades in all his classes...and told him that even if he passes the exam and passes the VA SOL's...that he's going to fail ALL the core classes for the year. I knew this...but I didn't want to tell him because I knew if he knew..that he would totally give up for this school year. I want to strangle that teacher right now. Yes...it's all true....but now he has no motivation or reason at all to do homework or classwork or anything! I really think they want him to quit school so they don't have to deal with him or me anymore.

Maybe they probably all were spoken to by the principal, after I gave my letter to him about the teachers being in non-compliance. I dropped it off this past Monday. Sending copies to the superintendent and Special Ed. dept. too. It was very nicely worded......so it was to the point that they knew that I meant business.

I just asked him if all the teachers spoke to him today...no ...just this one. She pulled him aside after class and was telling him how bad he's failing in all his core subjects...and that the grades are so low...that he won't be able to pass them this year.

Thanks for taking all hope away for this year.

I just thought it would be pointless to move him to another school at this point..because they are all on the same calendar year and he would be just bringing over the same grades. However! There is one school that might be a possibility....I just put in a call to that school and am hoping that someone will call me back so I can see if it's possible or not. This is ridiculous though....why couldn't she just keep her flap shut?!

sorry for my rant....I really needed to just post what is happening. I know that you all don't have all the answers. I called our court case manager...she doesn't know what to do either....she did suggest that one school that I mention above..and that's why I called them....

tzoya....I totally agree with you and I agree with Karen too. I'm just glad that my son is saying that he knows he needs to finish high school...especially if he wants to go to college and work with reptiles.

The advocate I spoke about..he called, but it was too late to make an appt or so I thought (after 7)....so I'll call there tomorrow. We spoke briefly...he asked about insurance (because he's also a licensed pyschologist that works with children with aspergers)....and it didn't sound like he took my insurance...but I just checked online and he's listed with my insurance....so that's good..I hope. Maybe some of the services that Greg needs will be covered and I won't have to pay as much out of pocket. I'm not figuring the advocate parts to be covered by insurance...but if there's any counseling involved and testing that can be covered...that would be nice.

He said he didn't have any openings for a few weeks...but to call and make the appointment...and have all my paperwork and correspondance ready for him to see at that point.

Greg will be 18 next April. His 17th birthday is next week

I'm going to see what I can find in way of having him work with animals somewhere around here.

As for schools that deal with kids like him....I'm hoping that the advocate will know of some that are nearby. Maybe we'll have to sell the house...and move just to be closer to one that can help him? I don't know...and I really don't know how I will pay for all the fees....I will need to sell a lot more blinds to pay for everything...that's for sure.

I told my mom what happened at school today..and she thought I should write to the editor of the local paper to let others know what this teacher did. It was just not right....not right at all.

I don't plan on writing the paper though....I won't even call the teacher on this...not unless it would help us at this point. I would like to nail her butt to the wall for taking away any possibility of Greg doing anything the rest of this school year though.

Diane, never be disuaded from pulling him from one school and placing him in another just because it is late in the school year. If you find an appropriate school that is willing to work with you, then it won't matter to them what time of the year it is, or what Greg's grades are. The key right now is to keep him motivated and make him feel safe in a school environment. All levels of trust are gone right now, from both a parental and student standpoint. Keeping him at this school is like feeding him poison. I speak from experience, as you know. I pulled Connor out of just such a poisonous environment in May of that school year. Only one month left to the year! But he was welcomed with open arms at the new school, and in that month, and at summer school, we were able to begin the rebuilding process, both academically and emotionally, that carried over into the following school year. I know your pile is about a mile high, and I'm thrilled that you are seeking the services of an advocate to take so much of this burden off of you, but I once again urge you to do whatever you can to get him out of that school, ASAP! It's killing his spirit, and he will never desire to achieve in that kind of environment.
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