I'm not refering to my worries about the future, I'm talking about Nate's. While on vacation, (in a strange place away from all of our routines), Nate had nightmares every night. He couldn't be away from me for long periods of time, which was fine since we were mainly together anyways. He couldn't talk about the nightmares, just would wake up screaming, or in a cold sweat, heart racing and then I would have to sit w/ him until he fell back to sleep. But I think I've figured out what the nightmares were about, though he won't say yes or no.
The day we got home I found him sitting on the couch banging his fists into his temples. I sat down next to him, rubbed his back and asked what was up. He said he can't stop thinking about the future. Who will take care of him? Where will he live? I explained that he is welcome to live with us for as long as he needs to. I told him that wherever I was he would always have a home there. And I did explain that one day he will have a place of his own, of course this idea completely sends him so I don't harp on that too much. Then he wanted to know what if I die? What then? So we talked about that, and then we moved on. But since yesterday he's come to me 5 times at least and I've found him sitting punching his temples at least that many times, worrying about the future. He says he can't stop thinking about it.
While I was making dinner tonight he came to me and asked when dad was doing the bills next. I told him he'd need to ask his dad and then asked why he was wondering. He said he's worried we will die before the bills are done and he doesn't know how to do them. Again we went through the whole thing. Finally I took him to talk to his dad in the other room and together we decided that next time Ryan does the bills Nate will sit with him, learn how to read a bill and it will be his job to write out the checks, dad will just sign them. This seemed to help some.
Do any of your kids worry about these things? Nate is extremely dependent on us and I think he realizes that he is more dependent than his sibs. How do you get your kids to stop obsessing over things they have no control over? Yes, we're headed towards medication for anxiety, just haven't gotten there quite yet. Long story. Anyways, my heart just breaks for him that he is so consumed with this and I wish I could help him find his way out of this. His dr says when he gets this way it's like he's stuck in a panic attack 24/7 and can't get out. Can you imagine how awful that would be? Like I said, breaks my heart.
Just wondering if anyone else deals w/ this and what they do about it. Thanks,
How old is Nate? My HFA son is 14, and he still doesn't grasp money issues. Some AU individuals never understand the concept of money. Andy lives day to day for the most part. If he knows something is going to happen in the future, he will remind us (pester) on a daily basis when that event is going to happen.
He may be Obsessive/Compulsive as one of his spectral symptoms. Maybe this is something you can discuss with your PCP or neurologist.
Good luck.
Kim
Yes, Nate does have some OCD stuff going on, they just didn't feel when they tested him that he currently was obsessing over one thing enough, he just obsessed over EVERYTHING, so they didn't give him the OCD dx. Oh, and he doesn't have clearly marked rituals that we had observed, which isn't to say he doesn't have them, it just means we haven't observed them and he's not talking to us about them. He does have high levels of anxiety. Nate is 9 years old. Thanks,Hi Tia,
Don't feel alone at all, our Son Tony is also 9 y/o, & always talks to us about the future. He's worried too about who will take care of him when we die, & he KNOWS that his oldest Sister (Sharon 24 y/o) is mentally ill & can't even take care of HERSELF, let alone HIM! But he has another older Sister Nikki, who is 16 y/o, & we told him that she'd be good to him,SHE even told him that. He cries when he thinks about us dying, to the point where it ruins his whole day!!! We try to ease his mind by talking him through it or even try to change the subject...but as YOU probably know, it doesn't always help. Tony wasn't dx with OCD either, but it sure SEEMS to be that he IS sometimes!
God Bless you & your Family & keep you all safe!
Linda...aka Tony'sMom...aka MWN64I know how sad and heartbreaking this topic can be. Our 8
year old has gotten hung up on the dieing issue after going through the
loss of relatives and friends over the past few years. As
much as we try to reassure him, he still can not stop thinking about it
whenever something reminds him of the one who died. Linda, Well, in a way it's great to know my Nate isn't the only one, but I do feel so badly for all of our kids that they have to go through this. At least I don't feel so strange about it, knowing others deal w/ it too. We try all that you try w/ Tony and it rarely, (never), works. He just can't let it go. Today he started crying, begging me to promise that grandma and I won't die on the same day. I don't know where this came from, I guess he thinks grandma will take care of him when I die. It's strange because I want to promise him that I won't die anytime soon, that grandma and I won't die on the same day, but in the back of my mind I know there is a very wacky, remotest possibility that these things could happen and I would hate to think what would happen if I promised these things wouldn't and then they did. Logically I know these things won't happen but if I promise it and then it does happen he's going to be a complete wreck. I'm sure that's stupid. I just want to be sure to do right by him and not set him up for more problems. Ugh, this is hard! Thanks,
But Tia, Your son sounds so intellegent for his
age!! My kids don't even give a thought to paying
bills! It is great that he shows an interest in managing such an
important part of his life. I hope he is able to
overcome this anxiety.......I know it is hard! I tend to
have my own anxiety about death so I know how terrifying it can be.
I just have to pray about it to get me through it.
bonnie
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