How do I get the yelling to stop?
Is he heading toward meltdown when he screams (rumbling/escalation) or is he communicating by screaming?
After a few failed attempts at using time-outs, I've never really disciplined the kids. I've used positive reinforcement, teaching, prevention, redirection, etc. etc. My autistic son is now 8-1/2 years old and exceptionally polite and well-behaved most of the time. Frustration is still hard for him to handle, though, and can sometimes lead to screaming (we've all been in situations where we are so stressed and frustrated that words fail us).
If we place more demands on him at that point or make more refusals, it's likely that he will meltdown. Lately we've been handling it with a "walk and talk", advocated by autism expert Brenda Myles. We take a short walk together (to the end of the street and back) and he vents while I say nothing. At the end of the walk, if he is calm, we talk about what happened. It really deflates the situation. I realize this would be difficult for those who are alone with other small children, but it could be adapted to a bounce-n-talk with a mini trampoline, I suppose.
Btw, there is a sample social story about yelling and many about anger on my list here:
Good luck with everything.
I'm seriously at my wits end with the yelling that my ds does.
For example, he likes to put his trucks on my kitchen counter. I don't like it. So I've tried different ways of getting him to put them on the kitchen table or an end table in the living room but he always goes back to the counter. I've lately been using the 1-2-3 approach and he's been doing fairly well with it (especially in comparison to other forms of punishment). But when I say to him "Nathaniel, please move your trucks off of the counter." his response to me is to let out at least one (if not several) long, loud yells. And he doesn't stop unless I ask him if I need to smack his mouth (which RARELY happens).
I just don't know what to do anymore. He's using tons of words now and is making 4-5 word sentences. I've tried saying to him "I understand you're not happy/you're upset, but I want you to move them anyway." And he definitely understands what I expect him to do because if I get to 3 and start walking towards him, he hurries and moves them to some other location that he knows is acceptable.
He does this yell whenever he doesn't like what I'm asking/telling him to do. And if we put him in timeout, the yelling like that is constant...again drives me nuts.
GET THE KID A COMPUTER! I'm just kidding! I said that because my son is addicted to his computer and will not even go to the bathroom when he plays. So we have a new rule. If you poopy in your pants you can't play the computer. Mind you he is fully potty trained. And today the unthinkable happened and so guess what, no computer. But, since about 4pm he has been running around screaming at the top of his lungs. He is playing, but it is driving us all crazy! I told my husband it almost makes me want to not follow through and let him play the computer because he will not stop the screaming. So then I come in here and log in and see this post about how to stop the yelling. (LOL) GET THE KID A COMPUTER! Anyway, when you find oout how to stop it please let me know...Good luck!
From someone fellin your pain at the moment!I also am at my wits end with the yelling this is a new one for my son.. But everything is screaming and yelling so loud i take tylenol everyday because of it.. It is when he dosen't get his way he screams and hits... These past 7 days have been Hell It is like he is a totally different child then 2 weeks ago i do not know what happened to my little boy.. Does theses beahviors just come out of no where do they stop soon.. I know these are tough questions but i really do not know how to disipline my son.. Time out is a joke 123 is a even bigger joke because he does not understand me and hitting is a no no in my house i am trying to teach him and his brother to stop fighting so much so me doing it would be wrong.. Wow i hope this gets better.. Wow i just thought of something i started back to work about a month ago at night and weekends maybe that is where this stems from this behavioe he is showing.. I could kick myself for not thinking of this earlier.. but what to do quit my job we need the money
I went through that with savannah...she would either scream...or Growl like a bear...when she started school...her teachers would tell her No thank you...I dont like it when you yell at me...or when you scream...it hurts my ears...can you in her case...tell me what you want...or what ever...now when which is seldom she growls, I tell her that i am not answering her til the bear goes away and the little girl comes back...
When C was 3 years old, we started the 1-2-3 but we used a combination of visual and verbal prompts. I had these lamitated cards with the numbers 1, 2 and 3 on them and I'd hold them up as I counted. There was also a picture the teacher gave me as a visual prompt for "quiet mouth" which is the phrase they used at school. It was helpful to do the same system at home as they did in school.
The teacher also coached us to do simpler commands with him. You might want to substitute "please move your trucks off of the counter" to "trucks go on the floor."
My son used to yell through his entire time out, but he eventually learned that we didn't let him out of his time out if he was yelling. He had to be calm and then we started counting the minutes. It was brutal then but better now.Talk less, act more. Do NOT get into explaining things. All kids will use that against you. Pick one or two or three rules you intend to enforce. Make a laminated card with these rules on them. If he can't yet read, use a photo of a truck and put the circle/slash sign around it. Same with a photo of him screaming. SHOW him the rule when he's breaking it. Give him one warning about the cars. Then, if he puts the car on the counter, take it away and lock it up. Oh, yes, he will SCREAM, but you'll have to put up with it. If you EVER give in, what you've taught him is to SCREAM, SCREAM, SCREAM and he'll get his way. If you don't think you can tolerate the screaming, allow him to use the truck on the counter. It's a less bad option than teaching him that screaming allows him to get his way. At the same time you try to enforce rules, put in place a positive behavior plan in which he earns points or stars or happy faces toward a small reward. Make SURE he earns that reward quickly. Catch him playing with his trucks appropriately. This sort of plan will modify your behavior, too. It will teach you to LOOK for the good stuff. Preempting bad behavior by paying attention to the good behavior always works far better than trying to punish bad behavior. However, use whatever works. And try different things until you find what DOES work.
I draw pictures for Clarissa. A bit of a pain in the butt. She also reads, so that helps.
Clarissa can't stand it when I sing, so when she'd yell, I'd start singing, then she'd stop but she eventually got used to me. :D
I'd consider taking the trucks away. Just until this phase passes.
Another possibility: distraction. My daughter likes "Baby Tad" from LeapFrog. I'd start playing the songs.
My daughter does the yelling thing, too, although today she was really good, I must say.
Im there with you momma, but I agree less talk and more action.
I saw this tonight. I wanted help picking up the toy room, I told him repeatedly to help me. He laid on his fold out couch playing with his "man bag " purse thing. I told hi, "if you dont help me pick up im throwing your toys away" he picked them up and threw them in the trash and said throw away!"
Well I ended up taking his purse thing away and while he DID scream for a few minutes, he DID get up and start pickingup b/c he wanted it back...When Eric was 3, the home trainer said something to me that made me take a hard look at myself and forced me to change MY behavior. She said, "Debbie, why do you treat Eric differently from Alex (NT and 19 months older than Eric). You should use the same tone of voice with Eric as you do with Alex when Eric is not behaving." I realized that because of Eric's horrendous temper tantrums, I was walking on eggshells all day, trying to prevent anything that might trigger a tantrum and not disciplining Eric properly. Eric only had a handful of words at the time, so she helped me make a social story booklet about "I'm mad!". It had a few pages with PECS symbols and sentences about feeling mad, and things to do to let out the feeling, like stomp my feet, hit the pillow, squeeze the rubber ball, etc. It also had reminders to not scream or hurt himself. We read this booklet over and over again when Eric was in a calm, happy state and practiced the calming techniques, deep breathing. I also remember when Eric was about 5 and could speak in short sentences, I gave him examples of appropriate responses and that no screaming was allowed, like "OK, Mommy". By the time he was about 7, his tantrums had dwindled to an occasional, short outburst of anger which he was able to control and calm himself (with a little verbal reminder from me) within a few minutes. It took a few years, but if you keep working at it and allow your child to feel anger and disappointment, he will learn to deal with the feelings and react appropriately.