I need help please, this is URGENT!!! | Autism PDD
awww BECKY , IM SORRY YOU HAD A BAD DAY.But trust me i can relate to how you feel..lately my sons been havin more violent outbursts then usual..and hes on risperdal,adderall,depakote(seizures) alot of times with the meds.. there body weight changes daily b/c there growin and maybe the med. needs adjusting..we have a pyschiartist appt..tomm, to see about my sons meds.b/c ive noticed a big change in him also a bigger appetite so hes havin growth spurts..on sunday outta nowhere i was gettin my g/f's baby his bottle I was makin it, and he comes in kitchen ..DEMANDS I WANT THAT WATER which was the cetain bottled water for baby I told him NO..WELL IN FRONT OF MY 2 OTHER FRIENDS THERE HE GOT MADDD, ATTACKING ME, BIT ME SO HARD I HAVE A HUGE BRUISE ON ARM, HITTING ME N KICKING ME..MY G/F TOLD HIM...WE DONT HIT MOMMY EVER..HE HAD TO SIT IN TIMEOUT..LOL..LIKE THAT EVER WORKS..BUT HE KNEW I MEANT BUSINESS..AND for the gettin outta carseat in car n driving..well a few months ago he did it..dur. rush hour in front of dev..very tough to pull in at 6pm..he unbuckled n I said wat r u doin..laughin he was...all i could see was him openin door n runnin into traffic..well ill tell you that i pulled in driveway i got him out of car spanked his butt..like it hurt.high tol. to pain all these kids have. n said YOU WILL NEVER UNDO YOUR CARSEAT AGAIN OR YOU WILL NOT GO IN CAR W/MOMMY EVER AGAIN!!!! AND THE POLICE WILL COME...THAT ALWAYS WORKS..SINCE A FEW FRIENDS R COPS..but i think maybe you can talk to your dr bout his weight n meds..see if tryin somethin else..the risperdal for aggressiveness works for mine..but somethin needs adjustin over this way.wat works for one may not work for a nother..and by the way do you have a behaviorial specialist who works at home w/son ??hugs to u..hang in there...Hi there. I've posted here before but only a couple of times. I hope
you don't mind me jumping in here to get all your expert advice. I am
having a terrible time with my 5 year old son, Cole. He does great at
school and most of the time he's good at home but in certain situations
he can fly off the handle and I just don't know what to do. Let me give
you an example. Today i took him to visit my sister's new baby. This is
the 3rd or 4th time he's seen him. The first time he was loving happy,
wonderful. Now he seems angry with the baby. Today he actually hit my
sister's baby!!!! The baby is only 1 week old I feel so bad and
embarrassed. My son KNOWS he's not supposed to do this but he did it
for a reaction. Then, when I forced him to leave he kept getting out of
him booster seat in the car, kicking me, etc. I swear we almost
crashed, he was having such a fit.
I am so sad and angry at him. My sister and I are very close and I feel
myself resenting my own child for making me not spend time with her
anymore...just because he won't treat the baby right. It's so
depressing. Cole has always been a very very loving child. Up until a
few months ago when he started hitting my husband and i occasionally
and even my mom sometimes. But NEVER at school! He has NEVER been
aggressive with another child until the incident with the baby. Is he
jealous? Actually even before she had the baby he hit her belly a
couple of times and looked for a reaction. It's not as if he doesn't
get attention, though. So I don't know why he's acting bad and wanting
a bad reaction. I just don't get it.
I am really starting to wonder if another med is the answer. He is on
Tenex and it works fine most of the time...but not always obviously. I
wonder if there is someting I can add to the Tenex. I don't know but i
need help.
Sorry this is so long your advice is greatly appreciated....
Hi,
Don't be so hard on yourself. What you are feeling is very normal. It does sound like he is jealous. He's probably thinking the baby is taking away things that are important to him. My autistic son was very protective of his Mom when around other children. There usually is a lot of fuss about a new baby coming. Our autistic children feelings are very alert. All though they might not say it, they will act it out (HEY REMEMBER ME). My oldest son who isn't autistic didn't speak to me for 3 days after I came home with his brother. He also threw his bottle in the crib at him. Things will change for your son and the problem with the baby in time. I would suggest that when you visit, keep it a very short visit. When you are visiting make a big fuss over your son and ignore the baby. I'd do this at least 3 more visits after you see he's not angry about the visit. If you can find a baby sitter to watch him sometimes, then you can visit your sister alone and OOOW & AHH all over the baby. When your son starts calming down and realizes that the baby isn't going to change how you feel about him, gradually give the baby attention. A little at a time. Tell him that the baby really likes you. Tell him that the baby is so little and he is such a big boy. Be very careful to not let him near the baby on your 10 to 15 minute short trips so he can't hit the baby. I hope this helps. I know it's not easy. Good Luck
Okay you said he is five and that in the last few months, he hasn't been acting out at school but he has come home and hit your husband a few times. Could it be his way of acting out something at school that is really upsetting him? Also look at his developmental age too. Maybe he is at that age where they typically throw fits. Is there something at your sister's house that irritates him? How was he behaving at her house before the new baby came? Has she brought the baby over to your house and see how he interacts with the baby there?
As far as what Cyndie said with the car seat and the cops, unless you are really prepared to go thru with it, don't even mention as an option. Kids are real smart at picking up on that stuff and I believe these kids that on the spectrum are smarter at picking up on it than your normal kids are. I do believe threatening them with calling the cops would be your last option. Also consistency and repetition is a good way to go. If he acts out, does he get the same punishment each time or do you let it slide sometimes? Also when you say no, mean no. And take something away from them that really means something to them.
You said he was on tenex. My oldest son Jeffrey is on tenex for his hyperactivity. As for risperdal I don't know about that drug but I do know they recently lost their bid to have that listed as a autism drug. The FDA cited high death risks as a reason for denying their application. I would ask his doctor if maybe it is time to put him on a mood stabilizer drug. I know both of my kids are on depakote but Jeffrey is also on it for seizures.
Tammy
I can see how this is especially a problem since you're expecting a baby in January. I agree with the other ladies. Maybe just short visits until he gets used to the baby. I don't know much about the medications, since Jakob is still so young, but I would think this is definitely something that would fall in the behavior modification category. Maybe you and your sister have a strong enough relationship you could just talk on the phone for awhile til you work on this with ds? Unfortunately, I can understand if she didn't want him near the baby for awhile.
[QUOTE=*mommytocole+1*]
Let me give you an example. Today i took him to visit my sister's new baby. This is the 3rd or 4th time he's seen him. The first time he was loving happy, wonderful. Now he seems angry with the baby. Today he actually hit my sister's baby!!!! The baby is only 1 week old I feel so bad and embarrassed. My son KNOWS he's not supposed to do this but he did it for a reaction. Then, when I forced him to leave he kept getting out of him booster seat in the car, kicking me, etc. I swear we almost crashed, he was having such a fit.
I am so sad and angry at him. My sister and I are very close and I feel myself resenting my own child for making me not spend time with her anymore...just because he won't treat the baby right. It's so depressing. Cole has always been a very very loving child. Up until a few months ago when he started hitting my husband and i occasionally and even my mom sometimes. But NEVER at school! He has NEVER been aggressive with another child until the incident with the baby. Is he jealous? Actually even before she had the baby he hit her belly a couple of times and looked for a reaction. It's not as if he doesn't get attention, though. So I don't know why he's acting bad and wanting a bad reaction. I just don't get it.
[/QUOTE]
Hi Becky, Im so sorry you are feeling resentment for Cole right now. Its really hard the way we have to give up so much in our own life and cater our lives to fit to our kids just to avoid the meltdowns and give them consistency they need. I used to be so spuratic - hey I thought of an idea and away we went right then and there. I cant do that now with my son he will FLIP! So I can understand why it would make you feel the way you do because you already give up so much and just want a little bit of something for yourself!
My question here is what is usual schedule for you?
You mention Today i took him to visit my sister's new baby. This is the 3rd or 4th time he's seen him The first time he was loving happy, wonderful. Now he seems angry with the baby The baby is only 1 week old
Is it possible Cole might be trying to communicate with you and say hes tired of running to your sister's to see the new baby. His schedule is all out of sorts and he doesnt understand what is going on. He needs routine and predictability. running and going and being out of his routine and familar surroundings has taken its toll on him.
His acting out in the car might be sensory overload. Too much stimuli going on that he just cant take anymore. Hitting the baby might have been his way of communicating hes had enough or it could be he likes the sound of a baby's cry. But this might be why hes acting up for you and not at school where school is still predictable.
It is also possible he is acting out because of something at school that he cant express there and he comes home overloaded and explodes. If he is in school now, why not try to vosit with your sister when he isnt home and schedule a visit a week with him when he is with you. Make sure he knows on Saturday after lunch we are going to aunt susies to see the baby. You can take your favorite toy or video game or movie with you. Tell him what to expect, remind him and reinforce it. Maybe tell him if he doesnt hurt the baby you will get ice cream on the way home or he can pick what he wants for dinner or you will take him to the park on the way hme or something he enjoys as a small reward, but consistently remind him frequently, especially when you see him getting a little ansey. Remember too his developmental age rather then actual age and how long he can tolerate this dont make it impossible for him. As was suggested it might have to be brief visits in the beginning and gradually work your time up from there.
Thanks for your responses. Nope, there hasn't been anything upsetting him at school that i know of. I've actually stayed and observed several times and he does great. He's very compliant, transitions well, etc.
As far as being tired of visiting the baby, I wouldn't think it could be that, because he's the one who asks to go over there all the time. He asks to go see my sister and then I think he gets jealous. Because she and him used to be very close and now she's always holding the baby. But, he also asks specifically to go see the baby occassionally. I just don't get it. So, I understand that he's jealous and that may be normal. But, how do I teach him that hitting the baby is not OK?
OMG this is so stressful. Sometimes i just wonder if I'll ever be able to figure this kid out!!
Hi Becky,
I have not dealt with this yet but I am due in Aug and I fear this may happen with my situation. You know, Other than just telling him over and over that "it's not nice to hit", or "Don't hit", etc I don't know what else can be done. I think the repetition will be the key here. I think your right about him being jealous over the fact that your sister and him are close and this new baby has come in and taken over her attention. Especially if this is her first child. I think that in time he will get used to the idea of your sister having a new baby. I certainly wouldn't recommend keeping him away from there considering this baby is not going anywhere and you and your sister are obviously close so he is going to have to just get used to the new baby. Maybe since he is so close to your sister using an approach like if it were his sibling would be good. Having him be a "BIG HELPER" with your sister and the baby. This would give him attention from your sister and at the same time he would learn that babies need lots of help. I also notice that from your signature you are expecting a baby yourself in Janurary. This may give him the practice he needs to be a big brother once this new baby comes. I wish I had more advice to give. Take care and keep us posted!!
Karrie
Perhaps visiting while the baby is asleep so he can have "Auntie and Cole" time. Or you can offer to watch the baby for 30 minutes while your sister takes Cole to the park or out to lunch. She may appreciate the break and he may get the attention from your sister he's craving. You can also buy him a few toys that you know he will enjoy and keep them at your sister's house so he looks forward to going over there.I would let him play with the baby for short amounts of time. Reward him for playing nicely with the baby with stickers, candy or whatever. But if he tries to hit the baby, I would say in a firm voice "No hitting" and give him a time out or what other type of discipline you choose. We don't discipline DS that often but we do about certain things- like running into the street, touching the stove- we give him a time-out. It seems to work.Good luck- I'm sure it will work out!
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