Hi Zach Welcome to the board. I applaud your efforts to want to learn more about autism and to help your new wife and your step son as best you can. Any questions you may have please feel free to ask. Im sure someone here can help you!
How old is your step son? You mention he was just recently diagnosed.
Each kid is unique with their own combination of characteristics and sensory issues and so forth. Nothing is a guarantee with any kid on the spectrum.
As far as hitting other kids as he passes them I would suggest predicting his behavior. Explining to him BEFORE you go some where (say before you enter the park) remind him in simple mater of fact easy steps We are going to the playground we play on swings and slides, we say Hi to our friends, WE DO NOT HIT our friends. If you hit we will go home. Then go into the playground. remind again we are in the playground we swing on swings and play on slides we say Hi to our friends we DO NOT HIT our friends. If you hit we will go home. Periodically remind him shadow him and teach him by setting an example hwow he is to act. Remind him as a child comes near her comes a freind we say Hi to our friends Alex say Hi friend (or childs name if you know it) We do not hit our friends. If you hit we will go home. Be prepared to grab his hand so he can't hit his friend. Maybe he is hitting because he is trying to get the other child's attention? see if you can look at it from his side and figure out what he might be trying to do. If you can figure it out you will know how to help him correct the unwanted behavior. If he goes to hit, stop him so he doesnt hurt the other child and remind him right then. We are to say Hi to our friends we do not hit our friends because you hit we are going home. If you are consistent and do this in the same wording and manner and consistency for EVERY time and EVERY situation he will eventually learn. These kids need simple clear rules, they need constant reminders VERY frequently. They need to see appropriate brhaviors modeled for them, they need to know what to expect. They thrive on structure, predictability, consistency and routine. That can be adapted and used to teach MANY skills and behaviors.
usually with discipline redirection is best and of course simple clear and CONSISTENT predictable rules and consequences. if its sitting on a chair in a corner or a bean bag if its always redirection. But these kids pick up what they see from us so be very careful in deciding what to do.
AS far as keeping him calm in public what behaviors is he displaying? Is he Hyper/ is he having meltdowns? is he covering his ears screaming? is he kicking and biting? is he running off? What specifically do you mean? You can try a small reward system for staying calm but the rewards will probably need to be immediate and never take away a reward that was already earned. It can be a poker chip for being calm in the car or a store, carry them with you. Have Alex fill a jar up with them make a chart by the jar
5 poker chips 0 0 0 0 0 = a favorie snack maybe
10 poker chips 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 = a pick from the surprise box you can fioll with stickers and lollypops and cheapy dollar store type items
15 poker chips equals a favorite movie to watch etc.
ALso remember to be consistent and remind of and model for him the desired behaviors.
As far as your deployment. I think it is good you are thinking ahead. It is difficult for any child to be seperated from a parent or another loved one for any length of time and most all children autistic or not go through a readjustment period. My oldest NT daughter was 6 when I married my (now ex) husband who was military. She and I had to readjust from living a single parent lifestyle to living a dual parent lifestyle everytime he came back from a lengthy deployment. It was hard. They always say being a military wife is the toughest job in the miltary but its hard on the kids too.
I have 3 kids now. Their father lives several states away and rarely ever has much of any contact with them. He is generally any where from 8 or 10 months between visits to currently a year and a half. He is no longer in the military, he chose to move several states away from us and he chooses not to visit. He makes a minimal 3 minute call once every 4 to 8 weeks to the kids. Its a mess. My oldest is 17 and doesnt want anything to do with him. She sees what is going on. My son who is 9 3/4 and on the spectrum ends up with some regression after a visit and sometimes after a call. He wet his pants has difficulty sleeping refuses to go to school acts out in childish behaviors is more hyper self injurious ab=ngry withdrawn etc. and My littlest who is now 7 gets sngry cries and has seperation anxiety.
In my opinion here is what I would suggest trying depending on Alex's age and understanding and abilities. First love him and be there for him all you can right now/ Prepare him for your deployment by talking with him about it and shwing him on a calander you can make yourself and cross the days out with him each night. BE CONSISTENT and have mom be as much a part of it as possible.
Take pictures now of him, of you of mom and of you and him together, you and mom together, mom and him together and the 3 of you together, you by yourself etc. Put the pictures in a photo album and look through it with him each day maybe at bed time. Have mom look through it with you and him too. Have it become routine. Maybe have mom take a picture of you looking at the photos with him. Let him pick a favorite photo to have taped to his wall (or several) Tell him (whatever he calls you) is right there always loving him and looking over him. Tell him if he misses you he can see your pictures and have a duplicate picture of his favorite picture made and show him you are going to have the same picture with you. Maybe get him a favorite blanket or stuffed animal that can help be there for him wheile you are "at work" Talk about it daily to help prepare him
When you are deployed call him as regularly as possible. write a letter to him mom can read to him from you. (I know when my best friends husband was in afghanistan he had daily email access so check into whats available and then be consistent) Meanwhile at home mom can continue over the nightly routine you have established with him in lookin gthrough the photos so he doesnt forget you and the fun and saying good night to your picture on the wall as well, sleeping with his toy from you. The more mom talks about you the better for him, pictures will be huge in him remembering you. Just remember he will likely remember you from the picture so if you have hair in the picture but come back home with your head shaved he liklely will have a difficult time. Try to be CONSISTENT it might be a good idea to take pictures bith ways if thats the case.
Social stories are a wonderful idea! It helps these kids know what to expect. I dont imagine the marines are much more concrete about the date and time when you return home from a deployment then the navy is. Meaning it is always up in the air until that moment. Make sure mom preps him as best as possible with social stories and a calander for when you return home.
I hope this helps some
About a month and a half ago my girlfriends son was diagnosed with ASD. I am trying to learn all I can about it but I am bored of reading what the doctors say and want advice on things like disciplining, ideas for keeping Alex calm in public, and ideas on how to get him to quit hitting every child he walks past. I am married to this girl now and Alex is my step son. Amanda is learning, but looks to me for advice as well and I want to give her the best advice possible. I am in the Marines and will be deploying in Nov. but before I go I want to become a defined father figure for my step son so when I come home after 6 months I won't have to startback at square one. Anything anyone can advise me on or help me with would be wonderful. Thank you so much.
Zach
http://www.autism-pdd.net/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=1166& ;PN=1
That has a bunch of links on everything dealing with ASD. Unfortunately what works for one child doesn't necessarily work for the other child. And behaviour issues is just par for the course in dealing with these kids. YOu could try social stories with the child before going out. Also some do great with pretend play groups. It just depends on what the child is doing. I would say these kids are like other normal kids that after they are not around a person for awhile, you do have to start over. I know with mine if they aren't around a person for awhile and then around that person again, it is like they have to get to know each other all over again.
Tammy
Unfortunately there's no easy anwser. But these "behaviors" you are describing is the only way Alex knows how to communicate right now. I would suggest you look into therapy options- floortime, ST, OT, ABA. As he develops more appropiate skills- the "behaviors" will dimiinsh. I would pick your battles- it may be too much sensory overload for him to be in public right now. Every child with ASD is different so I can't really offer more advice without knowing more about Alex.I agree with these two....
I would STRONGLY encourage you to get him into some therapies.... ABA... speech, occupational, floortime are all good suggestions. And yes as Tammy said... unfortunatly, even though yes you are Alex's step father and I think it's great you want to establish yourself into that role (I would still establish yourself into that role if I were you) it is inevitable that you will be somewhat of a stranger to Alex when you get back. There is a reason why these kids have social issues... a lot of it is sensory, which includes vision and scienctists are now discovering that sometimes some of these kids take longer to recongnize a persons face.
I know this is all new and you want to know everything and have all the answers, but the problem is... there is no sure fire answer. ASD has no "for sures" it is what it is depending on your child. It takes patience and love and caring... just like with any other child, but even more so with these childeren because they will test you to the brink. Just take things slow and in stride... and see if you can get him into therapies.