I have read many of the posts here..I don't think anyone mentioned about getting involved with Sp. Olympics. My son age 17 has been involved in a unified Sp. Olympics program for years ie- swimming, bowling, softball, golf, skiing, snowboarding, floor hockey and basketball. He has made friends with the teenage volunteers who also participate in the sports. We are sooo lucky that even outside of Sp. Olympics these volunteers have invited him to dinners, cookouts, movies, and birthday parties. Thirty of us just took a cruise together and had a blast!! We, as a family, have been invited to 5 graduation parties. My suggestion is to try and get involved as much as you can. We knew we had to do something so my husband signed up to coach golf and skiing. We are now scaling back on some of these sports because developing work skills etc. is more important now. My son only participates with golf and snowboarding now. He does drive and really likes the independence. If you have a child on the autism spectrum my advise is to get involved with Sp. Olympics.
I have a ? for anybody with school-age children...do any of your children have friends that they play with? Riley used to play with a couple little boys last year (1st grade) but a couple of times last month, we tried again, and I'd go pick him up after an hour 1/2 only to find him inside with his friends mom...lining up his friends little sisters toys on the table...I know the differences became even more evident this year in 2nd grade...but didn't realize they'd change so quickly. I'm just wondering if any of you have 'play dates' with other kids.Hi ,
just wanted to say Curtis has friend in his regular 3rd grade class.......he even has a girlfriend...........they are getting married you know......lol..........he plays all the time with the little boy next door......who is in his class..........so yes playdates and all are very possible........we have good luck.....Curtis does remove himself from them sometimes ...........but he usually will be in and out of the play situations.........we are working on this.......Good luck .........
I have to say that for my 17 yr old with PDD, the issue of friendships has been the most difficult one. He seems fine with it, but the truth is that he does not have normal friendships - no close friends, no telephone calls, no invites to movies, etc. When the kids were little, he was invited along with everyone else b/c the parents did the inviting. Also, the kids were young and all of them were weird in one way or the other, so they didn't notice so much. Junior high changed ALL of that. Now the parents are no longer involved and he sits at home. In the last year, he has been having socially appropriate relationships at school, i.e., talking to classmates in the hall, sitting with friends at lunch, etc. However, that does not translate into a normal teenage social life at nights and on weekends. Sorry that I don't have a lot of positive things to say about this, but once they are driving and independent, you can't make kids be friends with your teen.
Carly,
I can't tell you how happy I am that I live 4 minutes from the school! I get called up there for all sorts of things. This past year we had a really tough time w/ bullies. Sometimes I'd have to pick him up, sometimes they'd just have him keep his head on his desk for the rest of the day. The bullying happened at recess and somehow the monitors never saw it. I suppose 2 monitors and 90 kids might explain why they never saw it. But what really got to me was that they had a "no tattling" policy!! When Nate would go to the monitors to complain, (which only took us the full 1st quarter to convince him to do in the first place), they would tell him to ignore them or stay away from them. Of course the kids would just follow him and keep it up, knowing they weren't going to get into trouble. They'd push him in puddles because he can't stand wet pants. I'd have to bring clean clothes. He was pushed, kicked, punched, threatened, called names, the whole list. I had so many meetings w/ the vice principal it was ridiculous. Finally I marched in the office and demanded to speak w/ the principal right away. He was in meetings all day. I agreed to see the vp, she also was in meetings. I said, "Fine. Just direct me to whomever it is that I need to see to file a harassment complaint. My 9 year old disabled son is being harrassed and I need to file a formal complaint." It was surprising how quickly their schedules cleared.
That day I paid a visit to the recess field to make sure that the agreed on accomodations had been put in place. I stayed where Nate couldn't see me so I wouldn't make him nervous. It was so sad to see him wandering around by himself, occassionally going near groups of kids, and then the groups moving away. Yes, the accomodations were in place but no amount of accomodations will make another 9 year old see what a great guy my Nate is and how absolutely lucky they would be to be chosen as one of his friends.
And today one of his brother's friends, whom Nate thought liked him, (his older brother is 13), threw him on the bed and broke his glasses because Nate was "annoying him". Nate vanished for hours afterwards. Somedays I wonder if anyone will ever see what I see in him.
No tattling policy? What kind of crap is that? I know here they are suppose to have a zero tolerance policy. I know a video tape of some bullying going on at school and either the principal or someone in the superintendent's office said on the tape "oh that is boys being boys". That tape was shown on ABC's Good Morning America. They changed their attitude after that. I know with Gabe sometimes I don't think they discipline the other kids like they should, especially when they injure Gabe. But I was told that is not any of my concern. Privacy issues.
Tammy
Lesley,
Yes! One good friend! I think so often that if only Nate could have one good friend... I think that would be enough for him. It's finding that one good friend that's difficult. I'm going to check out that resource another poster mentioned. I live in nowhere land, or as we like to call it Cape Coma, land of the newlywed and nearly dead, so I will be shocked to find something like that near here but it's definitely worth a shot. Just one good friend would be great!
Yes, a no tattling policy, except for Nate now. I'm sure we'll have to review that when the new year starts but that's ok. I can review that for them, in writing. Along w/ a copy of the confirmation letter I sent last year after that appointment which of course lists all the things we agreed on, thanking them of course for doing what basically amounts to their job. I trust them to protect my child for the hours that they have him. When they betray that trust we have "issues".
Frank Peretti, (a current NY Times Bestselling author w/ his book Monster), wrote a small book called "No More Victims" about how to handle bullying. It's been somewhat helpful, I'd recommend it especially since it's only or . I've had problems finding other helpful books. The bigger problem is getting the schools to incorporate the recommendations. They're just not interested. That book does address the issue of "boys will be boys" though.
I'd be furious about the whole "privacy" thing. Their privacy does not override your child's SAFETY. Just ask homeland security.
I hear that!!! The bad thing is , that Gabe's school told him no hitting. Even if another kid hits him first. I told him if he is hit first he can hit back. Lol, after all that is what my dad taught us. And since Gabe had the problem with the lying of course he was not always believed. But the one kid that was hitting him constantly, come to find out he was doing that to other kids too. Thank God he goes to another school now.
Tammy
Tulip....My 16 yr old with aspergers sounds much like your son. After many years of not fitting in he finally broke into the cool crowd at school by showcasing his talent for rock music at a school talent show last year. Since then people around town treat him differently, kids give him hi 5's and greet him warmly rather than insulting him or making fun of him (although I suppose that still happens from some) But still, the phone rarely rings for him and no one goes to the movies with him etc. {part of the problem is he just is content to entertain himself and sees no need to invite anyone along!) Maybe it is not a problem if he is content. It does make me sad because I always wanted to be doing things with other people. Friends were important to me.....Bryce doesn't seem to care.My six yr old will play with his friend who is 3yrs. They are at same level developmentally... It is still very immature, rarely turn taking, limited interaction but it's a start and they are going through the same stages together. Myself and his friends mom prompt them to problem solve themselves and give them the words.
He also plays with a 6 yr old with aspergers. They are both really attached to each other, just have trouble since the both space out, don't hear each other, ect. I support them interacting by giving words, reminding of eye contact, etc.
It is almost like I walk him through how to play... I am trying to model the appropriate skills. The parents who watch them understand what is going on and what supports need to be put in place. They know to keep my son involved and try not to let him go off and know when to back off so he doesn't start stimming. We share the play therapy responsibilities :P
My son who is 4 1/2 and dx w/ pdd/nos doesn't really have friends, but does play well w/ my neice who is 10 and also play well w/ us...he is starting to do parrallel play w/ others in his class and likes to be chased at the park and sometimes copies other kids and laughs w/ them but I do pray that one day he has many friends if not at least one good friend!
but you know he does actually have one friend who is the same age, same dx/ and same name LOL...and my friend (his mom) and I try to arrange as many playdates as we can...they are very funny together...her son isn't very verbal yet and my guy is just becoming verbal and so verbal communication is limited, right now we work on eye contact, sharing toys, stealing toy is what they are doing lots of lol, and singing songs together, they will eat together, check out what each other is doing and they have come a long way together...we are determined to keep their friendship growing.
hugs!
Ali
Thanks all...I've been sad about this since his last time over at his friends...I don't even want to take him over there anymore becuause I could tell his buddy just didn't understand why Riley was acting the way he did. Riley can't ride a bike, can't ride a scooter, doesn't play ball well, doesn't like the grass, and HATES the sun in his face....all the glorious things about summer that we take for granted huh. I think he'd rather play with the little sister, who is 4, they seem to be at about the same level, but that just won't sit well with his friend. His mother doesn't mind, has known Riley for about 3 years so they get along pretty well, and he likes to watch movies with her!
It's rough...someone suggested recently that I get him into a group with others like him so he can keep building these social skills..make friends...etc...I guess that's our next step. I'm just bummed because they still have him in full-inclusion, (although we have a new IEP set for August before school starts) so all the kids he knows and "tries" to talk to just kind of ignore him or don't 'get' him, and I swear in second grade the gaps just got HUGE between them all. Can't imagine what 3rd grade will hold.
I fear what the future brings, but I did hear some positive stuff from some of you, so I guess it just takes some more work eh?
~Lesley
My son is 9 and the matter of friendships has been a huge heartache. He is in full inclusion classes. There are a few kids that he seems to do okay with at school and he even braved a play date w/ 1 this year on 2 separate occassions, but then he totally backed off. He really likes one boy from his class who happens to live down the street but once at home he refuses to play with him at all. He does have a girlfriend from his class, and I have to say it's the perfect match, lol. Amanda is extremely bright and talks non-stop. Nate is bright in many areas but very quiet, I'm sure she thinks he's listening. She even invited him to her bday party this year which was absolutely HUGE. We've had the parties that no one shows up to. It's the saddest thing, to see your child waiting for hours for friends to come, all dressed up, party gear everywhere, and then no one comes. I can't do that ever again. He just zones for days afterwards.
This year I got brave and just last Tuesday picked 3 friends from my church to "vomit" on emotionally. It was a risk for me because so many people don't understand, then claim to understand and then don't want anything to do with you again because they're afraid. I'm afraid a lot too, I'm still new. I'm afraid of what the future will look like, are we doing enough, are we doing the right stuff, and the never ending list of what if's... Since I unloaded I have heard from all of them at least once. One is pet-sitting while we are out of town. The other is taking all 3 of my young kids, including Nate, for 3 hrs tomorrow so I can finish packing, clean or just take a break if I need it before starting vacation. The other is just being great and supportive, keeping me laughing. Seems too good to be true. And all of them will be bringing kids to Nate's party in 3 weeks, that's a combined total of 7 right there and yes, he does know all the kids. I don't have the answers but this is where we're at. I'm hoping it's a start. I'm also going to get Nate involved in a local science club since he loves science. And I'm checking into a social skills group around here. I'd love to see him have real friends. Just today he said, "I don't have a best friend." It was small, but it broke my heart. He really doesn't.
Anyways, that's how it is for us.
This is going to be a hard thing for my ds also although he is only five I can already see other kids moving away from him at parks and public swim areas.This is so heart wrenching I have always read that one of the autistic traits was getting to close to people and talking about things only you are interested in. Well he is doing that... today we went swimming and he brought along his rubber crocodile (he is big into the Crocodile Hunter) well he went to the water and started acting out what he sees on TV jumping on the croc and trying to wrestle it. When other kids would approach him and ask him what he was doing he would shove his croc in there face and make monster noises.Ofcourse the other kids did not like this so eventually they all avoided him. So mommy spent alot of time playing with him while his sisters all were having fun with the friends they made while we were there. I didn't notice how he was with other kids because his class room only has 6 kids and they all have ASD or PDD so they all act kinda the same and like each other. I am worried about when the day comes when he has to mainstream to public shool.
I understand your heartache. I was called to my sons school three seperate times this year because my son was suckered into doing "questionable" things by 2 boys (the same two boys all three times). One incident involved the 2 boys kicking another child-my son saw the commotion and in an effort to fit in-joined the boys in the kicking. I was mortified. When I got to the school and spoke with the principal-I broke down in tears. Bless her heart, she just kept reassuring me that Micthell was a wonderful child, and was just trying to fit in. Mitchell spoke of these two boys often-so I wrote down our phone number for Mitch to give to the boys (prior to the kicking scenario). The boys responded to Mitch by saying _"we hate you, you are weird".
Oh Tia...I guess we're in the same boat...wish we were neighbors!!!
I'm glad you were able to talk to some people...and I'm so glad they have come through for you! How wonderful it is to have someone that understands the differences...I hate talking about it too, for the same reasons, I usually get a 'far-away' look about 2 minutes into trying to explain...I don't even bother anymore, we're such home-bodies now.
It is hard to deal with...I mean, it's not like I want him to be the center of attention or Mr. Social Butterfly but just to have some (or 1) close friend would be nice. He tells me quite often too that he doesn't have a best friend....actually he does...his name is "Toothie" and it's a little stuffed T-Rex dinosaur that he carries with him EVERYWHERE ... complete panic if he's misplaced (never for more than 30 seconds is this dino ever out of sight!) He's had it since he was 4, it's been through some tough times with him, but it's CERTAINLY not the same! This is what he and Nick have in common (nicksmom)!! Same thing here, gets introduced to everyone! Unfortunately, people just aren't that interested!!! And introducing him 12 times doesn't help either!
Well there's no telling what the future truly holds...he really is an absolute angel and I can't imagine that one day he won't find that connection with somebody. He deserves it and I have to believe he'll get it. I certainly ain't givin' up yet!
As much as I wish we all weren't in the same boat, it'd be a damn lonely boat without understanding ears....so thank you.
~Lesley