Help I need advise for Court | Autism PDD
Take in dr notes and have it filed in crt record! This will be more evidence that special efforts are needed so it makes it easier to get your hubbie into parenting classes and anger management.
Also ask for a children's lawyer or mediation.
Should start with supervised as he has attempted kidnapping... was he charged with that?? you can bring the criminal court proceedings into family court and have it taken into consideration.
Hope you get this in time!!
Nelle if you have a real good relationship with Takoda's dr. that diagnosed him, get the dr. to write a letter stating that dear hubby has to have intensive training in Takoda's dx before he can have any visitation with him. It would look a heck of a lot better if it came from a neuro that specializes in autism disorders. I know with my kids, their neuro wrote me such a letter and it is part of their medical file. So if and when he wants visitation all I have to do is pull that letter out and tell him this is what he has to do.
Tammy
Hello everyone,
I haven't posted much lately I've been getting ready for a court date and Takoda destroyed my mouse so I have an outdated pain- in- the- butt excuse for a mouse now.
I posted a situation not long ago under "update on Brodey" and "How do I help poor Brodey?" The situation was my Hubbie left taking Brodey after getting violent and attemping to choke me. I had him leave and he attemped to take both our children but Takoda got out of Daddy's truck and Dad took Brodey and hid out with him for almost 5 days.
I have both children now and temperiory custody but tomarrow there is a hearing to decide if I keep the order of protection. They may also give my Hubbie visitation rights. With our County being a small County they may not order supervised.
This scares me because Hubbie is still in denial of Takoda's Autism (he is high functioning). My Husband is usually good with his children but lately has become more impatienent with Takoda. He has spanked him for dirting himself and yelled out him for acting stupid when he stims. This breaks my heart for poor Takoda.
I am worried sick about Hubbie trying to take off with the kids again or what his actions will be to Takoda's behavior. I have know idea who he will allow around Takoda.
I know that my very asthmatic baby came home smelling of cigarette smoke and was very sick physically and tramitized emotionally. He is still clingy and wakes ups screaming from a sound sleep. I am so thankful Takoda wasn't taken I don't know how he would have coped.
Michelle sugested I ask the court to order him to go to an autism seminar and get counseling on how to deal with Takoda's special needs. I wrote the idea down because I'm scared so bad by courtrooms.
I am looking for anyone else who would have some helpful suggestions. Court is tomarrow and I need any advise I can get to ensure the best outcome for my children.
Thankyou,
Nelle
Nelle dont forget to ask he seek anger management and parenting skills classes as well. Being in denial over Takoda's diagnosis he needs to learn about it understand it and be taught how to cope or manage it approperately and not knowing how to administer Brodeys breathing treatments should be addressed BEFORE any visitation. GOOD LUCK!Nelle wondering how things went Please update.Hi Everyone,
It was continued without him or I getting to testify. I apreciate all the helpful suggestions. I am taking the advice of getting the Drs. documentation togethetr for the court but my attorney doesn't feel it will get much consideration. I hope she's wrong. I was told to submit it to DHS and try to get them to order Hubbie into additional counseling and looking into Takoda's issues.
I learned today Hubbie and his Mom (the same mom who gave him away long story) are trying to fight his charges and say it didn't happen he never tried to choke me but has pictures of bruises on his chest.
I don't deny I know I left a scratch on his chest I was trying TO BREATHE! My attorney says the court could view this as two adults acting badly and drop my custody order and the protection order for the family wich would allow him to do whatever he wants.
My attorney said hubbie don't want to agree to more then a month of supervised visits and then he wants NO SUPERVISION! I know this would be a danger first he might take off again and second he doesn't have a clue how to handle their speical needs.
So I'm still open to sugestions but if anyone has something that might clue him in PLEASE PM ME. He could visit this sight. He searched through my cell phone looking for info and he may have looked at my computer sights.
Thankyou for all the support
Nelle Okay using bigger fonts for this reply. And Cliff if you read this, then up yours. I don't care if he does. He is beneath contempt on everything. Okay on the bruises, ask him to prove how long he has had them. I don't buy any of his stories. On Mommy dearest and hubby blaming you, that is typical abuser strategy. Stay strong Nelle. And get the letters from the doctors. Keep them involved. Educate the judge on Takoda's disorder. Educate him on asthma too. Approach it like you have to educate a stranger on the disorder and asthma. And the longer Cliff is in denial the more harm it does to the kids. Tammy I did go to the Dr. today for brodey. He has had a full recovery lungs are clear and ears too.
I also learned somethings from Hubbie's grandma today. I stopped and dropped off some of his clothes. Hubbie is allowed to pickup clothes with a deputy but he has had his family buying him clothes. Poor thing! His grandma was hitting garage sales trying to find him clothes. I also learned Brodey was watched by her and other family members. He had told me Brodey was being watched by a women that I didn't know. I think he wanted me to go in court and say that so he could deny saying it and let the court know Brodey was looked after by the family members and I just made THE WOMAN UP. I can't believe how bad he's playing this with his family. In court I learned he denies strangling me and he's reporting that I have flipped out. Nelle That is so great that Brodey's doctor is willing to help. As I have said before, you never know until you ask. And congrats Nellie!!!! You are becoming a very good detective on your own
Tammy [QUOTE=tabitha]Okay using bigger fonts for this reply. And Cliff if you read this, then up yours. [/QUOTE]
Nelle I agree with Tammy and Stephanie here. Cliff is trying to push your buttons and scare you, hurt you control you and still abuse you through words. Trying to beat you down and take away any stength you do have so you dont fight him. Didnt you say the police came after he choked you? Didnt they take pictures or at least document marks on you in their report? If cliff had marks on him and didnt go to the police and file a report and charges then thats the past and its word against word. Im glad you are staying strong and fighting back! SCREW CLIFF AND HIS FAMILY! More cases than not the family will protect him. I agree if his family cared for Brodey then they did a pretty poor job and can't be trusted. it also shows they are willing to go against a legal court order and LIE for cliff to protect him since they helped Cliff hide Brodey from you against a court order giving you temporary emergency custody! As Tammy said EDUCATE (the whole world if you have to) make sure they know how serious this whole sitaution is and I would also check into a battered womans shelter and see what help and supports they can offer you as well! Stay strong yes I was thinking aobut it after I wrote it up and realized I mistated what I menat. Its the prosecuting attorney's office discretion on what charges to file/bring etc so I should be (what screwy DA though up that guideline LOL). Okay, wihtout an order, it makes it much more difficult to enforce any payments but it can be done. Also, if he DOES file for divorce (to get out of the domestic assult charges), then he should get stuck with a court ordered child support order as that and the custody order should be all wrapped up in the divorce order and splitting of marital property. On a side note, the policy in your county is imo a really really EXTREMELY bad idea and whomever created it shows they have absoltuely no idea or even roughly a clue about domestic violence. It is forcing a victem of abuse to choose between having the abuser in jail and being punished for his crime OR ending a civil marriage. Quite frankly the 2 are not related. I am suprised enough people haven't complained to the state and had the policy changed. Your right it is screwy and the dumbest idea I have heard yet but it is only this Counties stupid policy not a state law. I don't want to be the one to question the prosicuters policy when they are fighting a case on my behafe. They haven't envolved me in the domestic case because I was to scared to press charges the night it happened. I just wanted my baby back safely and I was afraid he would come back in the night and take Takoda. I messed up because I was pretty much in shock. I don't think he will file divorce right now because he is agreed to let me have temporay custody for a year and the divorce would definatly adress the suport issue. The suport is probably a bigger fear to him then a charge they will more then like drop or reduce. I will know tomarrow. That's the new court date. Nelle PS. I have always referred to our County as Hazard Co. If they like you, you walk if not they jail you and always use their attorneys they don't like outsiders.
I just wanted to say thankyou!
I know you have put up with me whining in chat and venting on this board so THANKYOU! I hope to retire this thread after today. But I just can't thankyou enough because the suport here has really helped get me through this.
Nelle The Results: It's finally done and I have custody for one year and protection order with a few changes from the first. I didn't allow him to pressure me into anything that would make me to uncomfortable. He will get visitation first supervised then unsupervised and the unsupervised will only be allowed if he meets with the kids family Dr. and receives info directly from her about Brodey's asthma and Takoda's autism. Meeting with an autism suport group is oppsional but it will go in his favor if he pursues it. I have a copy right now of the court order wich states I'm to receive suport. I just have to take it down to the suport office and give them a copy. Then wait for it to be set. Thanks Again for all your advice and suport!
Nelle That is wonderful news!!! I am so happy for you!!! karrie
WAY TO GO NELLE! WAY TO STICK TO YOUR GUNS AND NOT BE INTIMIDATED! I'm PROUD OF YOU!
I have an attorney from legal aid who is dead set on having it settled before court. I am not sure this is for the best. She dosen't think my testimony is needed. I am not able to ask the court for parenting classes for him or anger management (he has already done that). My Hubbie's attorney has agreed with 2mo supervised visitation and that time he must sit down with the children's Dr. and go over their special needs. If he doesn't he will not get unsupervised visitation. I asked about child support because he gave me 0 the first week in May and since then nothing. I was told Child Suport Agency will pursue that by my Attorney's assistant (my attorney is on vacation). I talked to suport agency again and they say I can't collect Child Suport because there is no court order. SO NOW WHAT? If that were not bad enough I learned today my husband can get out of the domistic violence charge by filing for divorce because my brilliant County drops Domestic Violence charges when a divorce is pending because the theroy is NO DANGER SINCE THE HOUSEHOLDS ARE NOW SEPERATE! I can't believe that this is his second charge in one year and he is getting everything he wants. NO FELONY CHARGE in sight. I will get an uncontested protection order for one year. WHOPEE! He is getting two vists a week of four hours each and NO SUPORT ORDER. I am so disgusted. My children (the two that aren't his) are left as my only source of income for the intire household. I receive enough money for them that I am ineligable for cash assistance. I have been told that is why I maybe left without a child suport order, but don't worry he will have to help take care of his kids. RIGHT!
If anyone knows what to sugest please tell me. I have already been told my DH will most likely only be charged with disorderly conduct if any charges even stick! Nelle PS I'm also due to lose my phone and internet services anyday. So if I don't answer posts for awhile that is most likely the reason. I WILL MISS YOU ALL!
Are you saying that because your other two children have money coming in that you may never get child support for your other two children with him? If this is what you are saying...How can that be possible? Or will he have to pay once this is all over with and you get a court order? I'm sorry your so stressed right now. hope to hear from you soon. Karrie Karrie, I am at a dead end right now. I have a protection order in place that orders he suport the household but doesn't list amount so it's to vaugue. DHS referred me to Child Suport because I now qualify for Foodstamps but not cash assistance. I have been told if I required cash assistance it would be a top priority (told this by people who have seen it not the system). A friend of my sister who was a week behind me with a simular situation already has an order in place but she did need cash assistance. Cliff has told DHS case worker he has NO INTENTION of giving me money. He told her he is in fear for his children because I am SO UNSTABLE! Our caseworker has only visited ounce since he left so I asked her if she feels he is right and she just laughed. She says she would be required to remove the kids if she felt I was that unstable and she is impressed with the improvements I have made in our home. I could get an order faster if I apply for divorce but then the domestic case is dropped. So I feel backed in a corner here. An advicate told me I can ask on the stand for suport but I won't get to the stand if my attorney settles it. Child suport tells me be patetient they have only had this order for a month it could take several for them to be able to get an order in place. In the wait I'm trying not to barrow money and I'm trying to figure out what to do. If I get a job it wouldn't pay enough to cover my childcare and two of my kids would probably get thrown out because of difficult behaviors.Autism care is totally unheard of in small Counties. I really want to be close to them right now if possible this is so hard for them. Nelle Nelle Nelle I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I hope that everything works out for the best. I was thinking, if you cant get cash assistance, maybe if you file for divorce you could ask for alimony, and for the child support from experience with other mothers that I know or at least in SC, even if there was a court order and he didnt pay (which is usually the case) they will finally set out a bench warrant and when they finally do arrest them all they have to do is pay 10% to get out of jail and then the same process starts all over again. Also, if you wanted to go and start working, you might want to check with your social services office, we have programs in SC to help you with child care and with getting on your feet while looking for work, the child care program is called ABC vouchers which is payment for daycare and Family Independence Block Grants, which will assist you in your expenses while you look for work, most of these programs are federaly funded programs (just check out your state social services web site) they never tell you about these things @ the office or on the phone. I hope that this could help you. Good luck to you. Stephanie
despite the divorce (okay not sure who made up that screwy law of dropping domestic assult charges when divorce is filed) you can file assult and battery charges instead (different crimes under the code, but in essence the same thing, he illegally touched you or tried to touch you). A domestic assult charge is an assult and battery charge just like child abuse is an asult and battery charge, though they may have different punishments then the regular assult and battery charge) Next, he doesn't have to pay child support unless your divorced or legally seperated in many states. If you are married it is assumed he is supporting the children whether he really is or not. If you are legally seperated, the court must enter a court order to do that (it's not something that can be settled without a court order) and in that you should include the payment amounts. Further, a custody arrangment that is not issued as a court order only has limited legal standing (its more like a contract) and could be more difficult to enforce. Keep on your lawyer about these things.
The domestic policy is a County thing not a law. An advicate told me about this policy to prepare me. She stated that it is used often in our county to avoid criminal charges. I don't think if they dismiss the domestic violence they will let me refile assult charges. Our county is famous for being easy on their residents. As far as the child suport issue my attorney (legalaide) has decided to settle and avoid testimony. She found my hubbie's attorny unwilling to vonlinteer a suport order. I have decided not to pursue it through her because I'm afraid if they offered .00 dollars a month she would except it. I can get an order through Child Suport Enforcement agency but without his coraperation it could take months. I did learn this today so not a total deadend, just a slow process. I also learned in Ohio you don't have to have a divorce or legal seperation for child suport order. If I were getting the chance to testify I could ask for suport from the judge directly and get a temperory order but again my attorny is to afraid the judge would drop my other requests. So he clams I'm unstable but he is fine and normal but refuses to give any money for the care of his children.
Nelle I know you've been through an awful lot, and don't know if you have the strength or desire to do this...but you CAN file your own petition if you want. You can win the motion too. If your motivation is for your kids, which I can obviously tell it is, then they will allow it. The courts frown more and more on deadbeat parents (I say parents, not just dad's as my step-son's mother hasn't paid support in more than four years.) All you have to do, is fill out the petition form, ask for complete discovery in your petition, ask that something be instated right away, state how much he has paid to date, the fact that he did give you something then stopped shows he KNOWS he should be helping to provide and that he can...it also shows maliciousness on his part, like he's holding out on your kids for selfish reasons.....add into that the special needs of your children, and I honestly can't believe they'd deny you. You can even request an emergency petition so as to get into court right away. These "lovely" lawyers don't do a whole lot for us in these minor (as far as they're concerned) cases. But I want to let you know, that without a lawyer, we prevented our son (my step) from being removed from the state, prevented visitation from being stopped with his dad, then changed custody, got insurance, got child support. ALL WITHOUT A LAWYER. It can be done, it is exhausting, but the best interest of the children are at stake, and what moron, when presented with the facts will deny that? I told my husband over and over, he is not acting out of selfishness, and if I thought that he was I wouldn't support it, Jake's mother was, and she didn't prevail thank god. Now, granted, child support was awarded, but I never imagined she'd pay, and I was right...we did not depend on it being there, we understood she could still break the order, but the principle itself, that this child was important enough to fight for was the battle we wanted to win. Lawyers are in it for themselves, unless you have one that passionately cares about kids and their futures, no one will present the case like you will. Good luck Nelle....I wish you the best....it's horrible that your kids have to be treated this way and I'm so sorry for that. The most important thing, more than support $, is that you are there to love and fight for them with everything you have. Good luck with your court case. If you feel very strongly about going to trial you should let your attorney know. The decision to settle/go to trial is ultimitely yours. One word of caution though, your attorney probably has a good sense of what would happen if it did go to trial if they are saying it would be better to settle. You mentioned that the attorney thought if you went to trial you might lose out on your other requests, so you need to think about what is most important. Especially considering that having a child support order does not always translate into receiving child support. If you have a legal aid attorney, they are certainly not just in it for themselves because they are getting paid next to nothing to do the work they do when they could be making a lot more money in private practice. So you should talk to your attorney about your concerns and have him/her explain why they think it it in your best interest to settle the case. If you don't agree, let them know. If the attorney feels very strongly about not going forward you might want to consider going at it on your own as you don't want to end up regretting your decision later. I wish you the best as you go through this difficult process. Hi, I really don't what I can say to help you. You stay tough defend you babies like a bear would her cubs. I've never had to go through your experience but may this will help you a little bit. Grant you I know this is much more serious. I have learned that if you say out loud your fears to a person sometimes it make them off balanced and makes you more sure footed. I hope I'm making sense to you. If you do speak in court try saying "I know he is trying to scare me and I am scared but I know he is wrong. Then say why you know he is wrong, tell everything just like you wrote. Good Luck, remember DEFEND HIM LIKE A MOTHER BEAR! Good Luck Delores I disagree. You never, ever let the abuser know that he is scaring you. If you let him know that then he wins. That is part of his game. It is mind control. Its a pyschological game he is playing. You let him think that nothing he says to you is phasing you one bit. That way you give him no power at all. Part of the abuse game is the power and having control. Its part of his manipulation he has going on at the moment. Make everything out to be the victims problem or fault. Can you tell the judge you don't want to be alone with him? Yes you can. But you never look at him, you don't address him directly in court. You said everything to the judge. Refer to him as the defendent or whatever his role is. But don't give him anymore power. And when possible, let the lawyer do the talking for you. Tammy Yes these abusive types are so afraid of the unknown. They have controlled you for so many years it does shock them when you do first start to take control. The key is staying firm in your convictions. They will try to turn it around on you. But Nelle I am always here for you. So stay tough. Tammy Nelle maybe some info here will help you to stay strong and always remember we are here for you too! DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IF YOU ARE IN DANGER, CALL 911 To find out about help in your area, call: Whether or not you feel able to leave an abuser, IN AN EMERGENCY If you are at home & you are being threatened or attacked: HOW TO PROTECT YOURSELF AT HOME HOW TO MAKE YOUR CHILDREN SAFER HOW TO PROTECT YOURSELF OUTSIDE THE HOME HOW TO MAKE YOURSELF SAFER AT WORK USING THE LAW TO HELP YOU Protection or Restraining Orders In most places, the judge can: If you are worried about any of the following, make sure you: CRIMINAL PROCEEDINGS BE SAFE AT THE COURTHOUSE For brochures or a diskette containing the above information, please contact Sonia Schroeder, Tort Trial & Insurance Practice Section, at 312-988-6229 or via e-mail at schroeders@staff.abanet.org. A complete materials distribution kit is also available by request. For additional information on domestic violence, please visit the ABA Commission on Domestic Violence. | TIPS Homepage | ABA Homepage | Tips for leaving your abuser http://www.drirene.com/tips1.htm It is frustrating to see someone you love, drift into an abusive relationship. You stand by and watch, unable to do anything. She ignores your advice, and maybe has started to avoid you. But you still love her, and you hate to see the suffering in her eyes. Well, there are things you can do. And there are things you shouldn't do.
Abusive Relationships
Abusive relationships are not all alike. They range from daily assaults and gun threats, to low-grade emotional abuse, and include everything in between.
In some cases, your friend is in deadly danger, and even the police are looking for her abuser. Or maybe there is no violence, but a lot of screaming, where her abuser finds fault with everything she does, and even dictates the clothes she wears. Or maybe your friend is subjected to a constant, low-grade complaining and criticism, and your friend, formerly a bright and joyful woman, is slowly wilting.
While the specifics will vary, there are some common characteristics you should know about.
Isolation
The abuser wants his victim all to himself. When he calls her 'stupid,' he doesn't want someone else to tell her she's smart. When he tells her that everything is her fault, he doesn't want someone else to tell her how it's not. He wants to inflict his will, his perspective, his world-view on her. The abuser will do this quite deliberately. He will insult and offend her family and friends. He may be actively rude or passively negative, but he will make his wife's allies uncomfortable so they will hesitate to come back. And the longer between visits, the easier it is to make the next interval even longer. As time goes by, her friends and allies have found other things to fill their time. What used to be a close, loving relationship has dwindled into a distant acquaintance.
The abuser will reinforce this by making his wife pay a high price for every visit. He pours out anger and abuse, even if they visited when he wasn't there. (In those cases, he accuses her of sneaking around.) If she feels stronger after their visit, he accuses them of turning her against him. Reason and logic have no effect on him, and the consequences of visiting with her friends becomes so great that the wife will stop inviting them, and stop accepting their invitations.
Break The Isolation
Isolation is required for his plan to work, so you can work to break the isolation. This is delicate, but it can be done. Visit her when he's at work. Or call when he's not home. Send her a card, stop by her office, do whatever you think she'd like. Every act of reaching out to her is frustrating his plan to isolate her.
Acknowledge the Danger]
Don't make the mistake of turning this into your crusade. If your visits are causing him to hurt her more and more, then you're not helping her. Talk to her. Be honest about the situation. Tell her you don't want to cause her any trouble. Ask if there is a time you can visit that won't get her in trouble, or brainstorm with her for a way to keep in contact that won't cost her in physical or emotional suffering. If you bring it up, she will probably have suggestions -- a way to keep in contact that will cause the least amount of pain.
Of course, you are dying to tell the creep what you think of him. You want to tell him every name in the book, and you have thought of some good insults that will really get to him. You want to stand up for your friend, and tell him that he can't treat her that way. You want to just unload on the guy!
Don't do it.
Even if you just want to insist on staying until he gets home, and then look at him defiantly, don't do it if your friend doesn't want it. All you are doing is filling him with anger. And you know who he will vent it on -- your friend, that's who. He will wait until you're gone, and then make her pay for it. Yes, that's cowardly, but that's what will happen, and you haven't helped your friend at all.
Empower Your Friend
The abuser is dis-empowering your friend by taking away her self-respect, her dignity, and her authority to make any decisions. If you insist on taking steps that she doesn't want you to take, you are dis-empowering her too. Nelle!
He treated you like dirt as his sick was of revenge against his pain his mother cause him. And he treated your boys nasty to hurt you. WHAT A JERK! Your poor boys! I feel for them! I want you to know How proud of you I am for standing up to him now and making thats step in the right direction. Taking the step to make things better. Keep your head up high!
BUT Be careful Many abusers will go back to that honeymoon stage and say and do all the things necessary to get you back and then the vicious cycle starts all over again! DONT FALL FOR IT Restraining orders are good but taking a self defense course would be better. We too have laws for dead beat dads but it is just catching them. There are always loopholes in the system. And the best course of action against these types is to be very active and not to be passive. Michelle is right Nelle, expect him to do the honeymoon phase, if he hasn't tried it already. You have already done the most crucial step. You see him for the way he is. Don't back down on that either. As the old saying goes "a leopard doesn't change his spots". Tammy Nelle, I just wanted to say how proud I am of you!! We are all here for you with support. Take care, Karrie Thankyou for all the good advice and info. I read over your post Michelle and it all looks so familar. I have few friends now because he has either won them over and made them look down on me or been so insulting that they stay completely away. He is controlling to me and my kids. We are treated with complete disrespect. I wish I had a nickle for everytime we were in public or around my kids and he would start talking to me about other guys like I was currently going out on him and he would say vulgar untrue things. Everytime I had a job he would show up or call til I was let go and then point out that I couldn't keep my job. I think he has been trying to tear me down for so long I was just beginning to believe I was the world's worst Mommy and housekeeper. We never had guests unless I was way behind and he would tell me, "Oh, by the way I invited so and so over they should be here in about 10 minutes." I aready see him right now lining "OUR" friends up to tell how totally unfit I am. I get yelled at in my car and hangup calls. As far as current violence I don't see him breaking the protection order right now. He is trying to make me apear to be the unstable one. His grandma says that Brodey had wonderful care. Ate well, slept well and never cried. She is so upset because she is actually buying that he was arrested for taking his own child. I probably should have set her straight but I'm afraid it would kill her to know why he really arrested. She is a dear woman in very poor health who raised Cliff everytime his REAL MOM dumped him again and she can't see any faults in her poor grandson. She has even has been shopping yardsales because he has NO CLOTHES! I did set her straight on that one he has been allowed to get a deputy to come to the house for a one time pickup of his things but he is enjoying all the pity and attention he is getting. I do plan be careful. A part of me still wishes the abuser knew how to go back to the honeymoon (the Mr. Wonderful SUCK YOU IN GUY). He was so nice and considerate in the beginning. I asked Jared if he remembered when Cliff was like that and he told Jared we are married now so you can call me Daddy. Jared doesn't even remember NICE CLIFF he was only 4. Denny does and he tried for so long to be good and maybe Cliff would like him again. Now he hates him. I used to try so hard too and wonder why he liked everyone elses kids but openly cut mine down in front of me and everyone. Now we are so SICK OF IT we are beyond caring and trying to make him like us. Anyways sorry I'm venting here but if this helps any other woman who like me kept telling herself he has never beat me IT IS STILL A POSSIBILTY! Abusers can and do CROSS THAT LINE! If your story sounds like mine PLEASE BE CAREFUL OR BETTER YET GET OUT! Nelle
Tammy Hi I wrote to you to fight like a mother bear. Hey, You are a strong fighting mother. My prayers are with you. Keep fighting and watch your back. Remember and know my heart and prayers are with you. Stay Strong Okay Delores
Now go after the child support.
Happy for you
Bev
I'll be thinking about you....if there's anything I can do...please don't hesitate to ask.
~Lesley
Safety Tips For You And Your Family
http://www.abanet.org/tips/dvsafety.html#safetips
or your local police emergency number
National Domestic Violence Hotline:
1-800-799-SAFE
1-800-787-3224 (TTY)
there are things you can do to make yourself and your family safer.
When A Loved One Is Being Abused http://incestabuse.about.com/cs/familyfriends/a/howtohelp.ht m
To achieve this, the abuser must isolate his victim. In this case, we'll talk about his wife, although it could be his girlfriend, or family, or whatever. While his tactics will vary, he has a need for absolute power and control. His first step is to drive away her friends and allies.
First, make sure that you identify the source of the insults against you. If they all come from him, and his wife doesn't dare to intervene, then realize that he is trying to drive you away. Blame him. Don't blame her.
Please let us know the outcome of your court case.
With what you have written you should get sole custody, and accompanied visits only.
My daughter is still battling her ex three years later, and we have had nothing but postponements, as he is on his fifth lawyer.
My advice, is to let your lawyer do most of the talking.
Courts generally understand this type of man, and as they also like to talk, they often talk themselves into a corner.
That is how my daughter got sole custody, and supervised visits.
Now we are going after expenses for my grandson, an attempting to get a
settlement on the house, which my daughter owned, but he is claiming
half.
He is a medical professional, but doesn't understand why he should pay child support.
He does only by court order.
If he doesn't pay he loses his driver's licence, can't get a passport, etc.
Ontario has some protections in place for kids with deadbeat dads.
I guarantee you that my daughter's ex is shrewder than your husband, and just as nasty, yet, the judge got it right.
Be hopeful
Bev
I forgot to add she has a restraining order.
He can't pick them up at the house, or come onto her property.
He and the designated person pick up the kids in the parking lot of a local school.
He may not call her, except in case of emergency.
He must e-mail visit requests or changes.
You must record any threatening conversation or phone calls.
This would be of benefit in court.
Please remember to be calm and collected in court, and let your lawyer lead you.
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