Is this typical | Autism PDD

hi everyone I was wondering if this is typical behavour for ASD kids, I know what is considered typical?? Anyhow if something or someone hurts Nick even if it is an object like if he bumps his head on a door knob he freaks out and has to hit whatever or whoever hurts him and then his dad or I have to hit it and then he has to stick his tounge out at it and call it a big baby!! Now this was knd of funny at first but it is becoming very very annoying..as much of his behavour is.. yesterday he got stung by a bee and would not stop screaming until his dad went outside found a bee killed it and showed Nick it was dead. He then did his little ritual and stuck his tounge out at it and called it a big baby. Now it gets better, if i punish him for anyhting even raise my voice and make him sit he screams and tries to get the other kids or his dad to spank my butt!!!! He will absolutely not stop screaming until they do this ,even if they just tap me and I have to say ouch! I feel like somedays we are all jumping through hoops for him so he won't freak out and scream. I feel like I am at my witts end with it ....have felt this way often I will be ok tomorrow. He also freaks out if certain words or sayings are said around him so we have to be careful about that too!!!!! So does anyone else go through this?? If so how do you deal? Thanks

Your basically talking about walking on eggshells around our kids right?? THEN YES YES YES!! lol Lots of eggshells over here. It all comes down to the fact that my son likes things said, done etc a certain way and if it changes he will have a meltdown. I have to think about much of what I do and say to or around him because of this. Then it gets confusing like for instance...at times he wants me to sing songs to him...and others he will scream at me saying "STOP SINGING". Still haven't figured that one out yet..LOL I call him my little flip flop child because he flip flops his opinion on just about everything from hugs and kisses to singing or us talking.

Karrie

Yes my son is annoying too lol! His thing is he thinks it's funny when people get hurt. If you stub your toe or something and say "Ow!" he laughs and repeats "ow, ow, ow, ow" over and over about 10 times. He likes to hit people with toys or his hand and while doing it he repeats "ow" also. If he gets hurt at all he cries forever also. Rather than be undersensitive, ds is opposite and is WAY overly sensitive. But my dd is kind of a big baby on owies too lol. God bless them.

Amber

WOW! We must all have the same child in our homes. Callie's "triggers" are very often discovered after I have already messed up. Today, we went to visit my aunt and she was going to take us to a sprinkler park. Callie would not ride in her car, wanted to go in my car, but didn't want me to drive???? My mom was with us, and she wanted my mom to drive my car. I can only assume that she thought I was going to take her home or that her grandma was going to ride in the other car. My aunt was confused and a little freaked out about it - I have learned to ignore the reactions of others. If my other 2 had tried to pull a stunt like that, I would have just said, "Get in the car or stay here!" Callie would have been fine to stay there, if her Grandma would stay with her. I am sure that people think that I don't have the same "expectations" of Callie as I have for my other 2, but they don't live daily with meltdowns, crying jags, tantrums, and the need for "sameness". If your son is anything like my dd, he will probably do this for awhile, and then go on to something else. The characteristics that I saw in dd 2 years ago have changed. Some are gone, some are better, and of course, we have some new ones - you really can't prepare for those until you know what they are. You guys are doing what your child needs you to do for him right now. Hang in there - I know it gets old and you get frustrated. If you can tolerate the screaming, I might let him do it if you're going to be at home, but once you do it, you have to keep doing it to be consistent. That's what makes it so hard to be strong. You have to be 10 times stronger for a child who cannot really understand why you won't give them what they want. Keep us posted and good luck.

Oh Kim I know what you mean about the younger sibling I swear when we had our yougest I thought I would have to hang her bassinet from the ceiling!!!! She has also picked up some of his behavior (the screaming until you get it your way) and tantrums and she is nt as far as we can tell. I think this is the hardest part of this disability is trying to tell what is the autism and what is typical kid throwing a fit. We have a hard time with our 3 nt kids because of course they don't understand why he gets away with what he does and they get in trouble. He does get time outs we call it going to the quiet room he is removed from whatever is making him upset and is not allowed to return until he can use proper vocals and compose himself. This is very hard for Mommy if she is home alone with kids because I can't verywell lock myself in a room with him and calm him with 3 other kids running around and the youngest wants to be in there with us and it just makes him jump around and play so he does not have to deal with his anger,so we are trying but I will admit sometimes he gets what he wants just to shut him up!!!!! Then I feel I have failed him as well as myself but sometimes you gotta let things go he goes to school 5 hrs a day and is doing ABA. So I know he does alot of hard work and I think he just needs to release when he gets home....he seems to not stim as much he just throws fits and demands alot from us instead........i never thought I would miss the stimmingsorry this is so long it is nice to know other people are going through this and understand because most of my friends and family don't I am so sick of hearing stay on top of him.. don't let him get away with that behavior... he will act like that forever if you don't stop it now!!!! Anyone else with me there??There is something I am begining to learn about all this and that is that
behavior may be because of the autism but it doesn't mean I always have
to put up with it. For example Lou used to get angry and hit me all the
time I had bruises and thought this is from his autism he just doesn't
know how to express his anger or frustraction. So I put up with it. Then I
became pregnant and realized that the new baby would pick up cues to
life from his older brother. Plus my SO and I were afraid that Lou would
accidently hurt the new baby or me badly if something didn't go his way.
So Lou started getting the Naughty Chair aka Time Out for hitting me.
Now he'll scream instead of hitting. To me a better behavior and one I
can deal with better. He hates time out a lot and cries and screams the
whole time but he gets a hug when he's done and I don't have bruises all
over anymore. Now we're trying to teach him not to scream but to use
words, pictures or signs to relate I don't like or I don't want. It's a slow
process but I've noticed a big change in Lou he listens better and doesn't
throw as many tantrums.

So I guess I'm saying yes it's a behavior related to the disorder but if you
don't like it you can try to change it to something you can better deal with
or that's a little more acceptable. If you don't have much of an issue with
it or it's just driving you nuts today because it's been a rough day then let
it slide take a deep breath and hope for a better day tomorrow.

Good luck and hang in there.

I feel ya there. I hear that a lot. He just needs a good spanking and some major discipline is what some say. I'm pretty tired of it I tell ya.

Amber

I had a friend of mine say she should call the Supernanny show so that
my son could get some discipline. I I had the thought of wow if she
thinks he;s bad now (he was repeating some movie line over and over and
it was getting on my friends nerves that was his "nautiness") she should
see him in full melt down mode. I.;ve watched that show and have to say
while my son has his days at least he has a reason for his behavior and
it's not called brattiness.

I too let a lot of things go just to hear silence or don't push him when
he'shaving a bad day. And somedays I know I overreact to things he does
because I;m just too tired or something. I feel bad on those days and
wonder often if I do enough but then he;ll give me a hug or bring me my
pillow because I tell him I'm sick and then it's all better and I know I'm
doing as good as I can. Just sometimes wish others would see it

Jakob is only 23 months old, I'm trying to TRAIN him to behave appropriately now, because I know, it's going to be 100 times harder later. I wouldn't say I discipline so much as redirecting and constant repetition. I think most kids are going to get away with whatever they CAN get away with, but kids on the spectrum need to be taught the right behavior skills like 100 times instead of 10 times like an NT child. I hope if I can lay some groundwork on his behavior now, it will alleviate some of the anxiety and stress he will have to go through when he's older. I know...it's all easier said than done...but I'm tryin' anyway!

Dwayne has the same problem. We constantly walk on eggshells at our house. One minute hes happy and I could move wrong and its a complete meltdown. If he gets in trouble for doing something (climbing on the table, throwing blocks) he hits the object, has to go to time out and when he gets out it doesnt matter if I put him in time out or his dad does - he hits me, so its right back to time out, sometimes I feel like hes going to spend most of his life there, however he does not act this way at daycare. Yet at daycare, I have never seen Dwayne socialize alot and I think that he just goes along with what he see's the other children are doing and he watches them alot from a distance. I cant talk to him in the car, I cant sing songs when his movies are playing, we ask him for a hug and kiss sometimes and its a meltdown. He's my Dr. Jeckyl and Mr.Hyde Sometimes I think its regular old 2yr behavior then sometimes I think its something else. I'm so glad that I'm not the only one.

Stephanie

when Junior Mint gets a bruise we have to "kiss it" to make it better and all of the sudden, the pain magically stops! I try and tell him "its ok, just a little boo boo" and he will say "kiss it and make it better"

I think he has it in his head about kissing it to make it better but it works!

The only thing I can think of is maybe a social story, to help him learn how to deal with his feelings properly.

http://www.polyxo.com/socialstories/introduction.html

That would get tiring very fast!

My daughter is 9rys old. She is now into the "keep quiet I'm trying to do..(what ever she is doing)."..mode.This can occur in the car, when watching tv etc. She screams if she cannot have her way and throws a tantrum like a two year old. Most of the time I just ignore her or threaten her with time out or when driving putting her out of the car. I have learnt to follow through with the consequences/threats which puts the behaviuir in check. But she soon forgets.....

Yet other times she can be very reasonable and understands appropriate behaviour. The other problem is that she is unpredicatable. What ever triggers her can lead to whinning, crying or full blown rages. I may be able to reason with her during whinning but cannot do so when it is full blown rage. I have learnt to live with this and at times avoid the "triggers" or use distractions.

Life is never easy with our kids. I am able to send her to respite care on alternate weekends to give the family a break and destress.

oneday, in the middle of one of my son's tantrums, my husband asked me " is this autism or is this just bad behavior?" hmmmm... it's one that we all ask, whatever the reason, i feel in my opinion, it has to be dealt with. when a child, any child deals inappropriately, you must try to correct the situation. if you gave a nuerotypical child his/her own way everytime they screamed blue bloody murder, do you think they'd stop ever stop screaming ? i get a lot of slack because i set reasonable limits and expectations for my son. i feel the home is the best place to work on behavioral issues, yeah it stinks but i would rather have my child act out then learn appropriate actions/responses here then have situations arise outside the home. structure and limits benefit all children. we praise ( to no end mind you) good behavior and immediately rectify poor behavior. i'm fortunate that my son does understand consequences, he's high functioning and we know what he's capable of accomplishing. we strive to bring him out of his world and into ours. not an easy task for anyone but again, in my opinion, if we as parents miss an opportunity ( behavioral specialists can help for many and is covered by most health ins. companies) to correct unwanted behavior, who loses? our children do... and my son so was upset because he wasn't allowed to climb the ladder to the monkey bars so i brought him into the house, quietly told him that he couldn't go on them ( much too high and much too young) but if he sat for a few minutes and regrouped he could go back out, which he did. in short, he was upset because he didn't get his way.

You as a parent have to learn to separate what is normal, typical behaviour and what is the asd kicking in, or even what is sibling behaviour. Doing it when they are young is a lot easier than waiting until they are a teen and trying it. All kids need boundaries and structure. These kids need it more than others.

Tammy