Hi,
Thank you everyone for your help. Perhaps you guys are right about needing a grief counselor. I do feel so much better in just writing about it. My son gets real upset if he thinks I'm sad. You know about autism and not liking changes. So I usually go into the bathroom and have a good cry, wash my face and put on a smile for him. I haven't really allowed myself to grieve openly at all accept 1 month after Mom died when my Uncle died and I started to cry and couldn't stop for about 2 hours. Reading your posts I understand that I'm hurting myself by trying to hide my grief. I think if I'm more open about it I'll do better. It's a lot of work hiding feeling grief. Thinking about it I have hid from my children, husband, niece, sister, aunts etc. I don't know why I felt this way. It nice to know that it's okay to feel grief and that is nothing to be ashamed of. I cried when I read your post. I want you all to know that you have helped me so much.
Thank You,
Delores
My mother lost her mom a year ago and she has really changed... After a lot of pushing she went to see a therapist who has really helped her come to terms with her grief..She helped her work out all the issues that made her unable to deal with the loss in a better way. Please get help, you will feel so much better I think and you deserve to be happy and to work through your grief and look out for yourself too. Sounds to me like you are so busy keeping everyone else happy....Delores,
Never feel embarissed or like your time limit for grieve is up. I tried to bury my grief when my children's father died. We had already split up when he died so it seemed I was surrounded by people who minimized my grief. They didn't understand we had remained good friends and I took his death very hard.
I finally went for grief counsling in a group setting when I was pregnant for Takoda and it was three years also. It was so helpful and noone minimized over the fact he was an ex and it was three years ago. It really helped. I had been hiding it too.
Nelle
Hi,
I'm in need of help from people who understand. I have had so many compliments on being a great mom and when I was told my son was autistic 13 years ago I jumped right in being a super mom. Everything seemed to be under control then my mom died suddenly. She was my best friend and my source of getting away for a day of shopping or dinner. Just driving to different places was such a source of fun for me. We would laugh and listen to oldies on the radio. I can't seem to get back in my groove and it has been 3 years now. I'm just not myself and I feel so overwhelmed. I don't think my family believes me because it is not how I am usually. My husband says I should be able to get over my mom dying because I'm not a child. So for the most part I keep my feelings to myself. I feel like I'm acting out my life and I feel that I'm letting down my son. I try to be energetic for him. I feel like I'm trying to jump back into my life but then I feel so overwhelmed I don't. I used to do so much with my son and for my family. Can anyone tell me what I'm doing wrong. I want to come back but I just don't no how. I feel so dumb and wrong. I just don't feel strong anymore.
Delores
It does sound like you might have some form of depression going on related to your mom's death. Have you tried grief counselling? Grieving is part of the normal process after a death of a loved one. It is just when it goes on too long that it can lead to depression. I know my mom suffers from it even tho she would never admit it. It will be six years this August since my dad died. And from what I have read and be told by the specialists in this area, when it goes beyond the three year mark is when people should seek counseling.
Tammy
Hi Delores... Big Hugs
Sounds too like you and your mom were very close. When you spend alot of planned time together and have that person as a confidont and a sitter for your kids it changes your lifestyle. And it is difficult!
Talking usually is pretty therapeudic. Perhaps if you aren't getting the support you need from your husband and family maybe you could look into seeing a grief counselor? It might help you work through the huge void you feel.
Im sure you know how much your family loves you and needs you. Im sure as close as you were to your mom you know she would not want to see you so upset. Maybe you could take some time alone to go to a place the two of you often shared and enjoyed, or to her resting place and just reflect over your time together, feel her with you, talk to her and maybe it will help you move on.
In any case I hope your pain will be eased. I know the death of my gradfather a few years ago was extremely hard for me He was 86. I have a picture of him I keep in my living room on a shelf with angels. Whenever I need someone to listen and understand I talk to his picture, it makes me feel better.....its almost like I can hear his advice
Delores,
Hi. I know just as you do how hard it is to loose a parent. I have lost both of mine. First my Father when I was 17. And then my mother when I was 21. My mother was my best friend. Grief is handled differently by different people. I would recommend that you get into counseling. Especially if your daily life is being effected by your grief. You deserve to be happy again and maybe you can achieve that through getting some help for yourself. I am very sorry for your loss. I wish you the best of luck and take care,
Karrie
Delores,
I'm so sorry about the loss of your mother and how it is affecting you. i too agree that perhaps you would find a grief counselor helpful. i can only imagine the sadness that you feel because not only did you lose your mom, you lost a dear friend aswell. i found it helpful when i lost someone close to me to keep a journal and i wrote of all the wonderful times we had together, when i would find myself upset i would read over the passages and i couldn't help but smile, it gave me the stength i needed to go on with the daybut also it made me want to be that same ol' girl in the passages. i think with the help of a counselor you'll be able to channel your grief into positive actions. as a mom, i think your mother would want you to go on without a sense of sorrow. you said it yourself, you are SUPERMOM and remember you must of learned to be that way by watching and being raised by her!