Daddy feeling left out | Autism PDD

I understand this... and my husband has been home and unemployed for a month now... I'm affraid of the reprocution this will have on Zach when Dad does go back to work... Dad is mostly the play guy... and mom is the everything in one person *laughs*.... However just as Karrie said... when Dad was working... when he was home... He was the one changing the diapers, he was the one getting juice, he was the one doing the work parts.... it has helped balance Zach a bit to now He kind of has learned to go to both of us.... Zach does flip flop as Karrie said... some days ... for days at a time even... He will be all about Daddy... not wanting anything to do with me at all... and then other days it is all about Mom... *shrugs* don't know why.... but perhaps it's because our kids... specially the ones on the spectrum have a hard time knowing how to divide affection???  I would assume that is a hard thing even for a NT child *smiles*

We have the same situation. Jakob just outright ignores DH! He will come home from work and do a whole song and dance number to try and get Jakob's attention, but it doesn't work. I leave for 1 hour to go to the store and he starts running for me and hand flapping so hard (I think he's going to take flight one day). Same thing at bedtime...doesn't want DH to touch him...only wants mom. DH was in Iraq when Jakob was born and didn't really get to live with us til Jakob was about 8 months old. I wondered if they just didn't bond soon enough, but we've been all living in the same house for over a year now, and it hasn't changed a bit. My NT son didn't really have a close relationship to daddy til he was about 3 (and more fun), so I'm hoping it will be like that with Jakob.

I find with many men the approach they take to the child sets the tone of the relationship.  Where woman are more likely to approach the child from the child's level and tend to be less imposing, children respond better to them.  Add that to routine, preference, and well it can be a huge problem.

I know with both my children (NT or not) the person who is more likely to come down to their level, look them in the face, and talk to them will be more liked and get a better response then the person who stands over them talking down to them.

Its not something that will probably solve the problem, but it may be an approach that opens door a bit.  Instead of picking him up have dad get down on his knees to talk to the child every time.  Just a suggestion.

DH has been sad lately b/c DS doesn't really respind to him. I'm home almost all the time b/c I work evenings and nights. DH on the other hand works 80 hours a week so DS just doesn't see him as much. DS is clearly more attached to me.

DH will try to play with DS or pick him up and DS will cry or wiggle away and DH gets frustrated and upset.

I'm not sure what to do. I want to tell him not to give up- it just takes a little time buts everything I say just makes things DH feel worse.

Any suggestions?


shakes, you're funny! LOL

Our situation is ditto the above two (except DH only works at most 40 hrs a week, thank the Lord!) and Luke is extremely attached to me.  Like shakes said, Dad is the fun guy, mom is the down-to-business gal (and fun, too ;) -- so I'm the one he comes running to for everything from boo-boos to juice to turning on toys, etc.  I don't know what to say about it except that as the children get older, I'm sure they'll apprecaite their father just as much.  Young kids like ours are still closer to babyhood than to childhood, so they keep close to the one they know best.  That'll change.

My husband was gone for a year in iraq and when he got back it was a simular situation and my husband also for 9 week intervals at a time will work for 16 hours a day 7 days a week.  Even my older children that are NT when they were under 5 had stages of flip-flopping or picking one parent over the other but with my child on the spectrum it is much more apparent.  It is sometimes very difficult to deal with and to watch. ( i have been on both ends)  I think that you are right by saying that he shouldn't give up.  I know that when my kids have rejected me at times....especially my youngest with PDD-NOS it is very painful but he has to keep trying.  What helped with us is I didn't give my son a choice.  When dad gets home DAD changes diapers, DAD gives baths, DAD gets the snacks etc.  I have always found as a mother that taking care of my children and providing their needs has been by far the most apparent reason that they bond with me.  So this is what I would suggest anyway...Don't give up and make the time that he does have important.  It may help at first if you go shopping or somewhere to get a break so that DAD can have that time to himself so that your child doesn't have that choice to just reach for you also.  Just some thoughts anyway.  Take care,

Karrie

My husband works on average about 75 hrs a week so i know you're scenerio all to well, i agree with Karrie and we do the same thing,when dad is around, i will leave to do errands, we've created a niche, mom's all business and dad, well he's the fun guy! ( well i can pretty fun too) they have created quite a bond. it takes time and our kids are pretty set on routines but it won't kill them if dad gets them ready for school in the morning. tell him not to get down on himself, it happens in a lot of families like ours. I tell you funny story, i wear turtle necks ALOT, almost year round and i left one day only to return to my husband wearing a turleneck sweater ( which he hates) and i asked him why he was wearing it and he said our son wasn't listening to him so he thought if he put a turtleneck on , he might make the connection that he too was in charge
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