Spousal involvement | Autism PDD

Well- aren't we all in the same boat !

I think DH would be more involved if he had the time. He works 80 hours a week and often is too tired to participate. There's nothing he could do about the hours. He has attended every single doctor's appointment though. He tries to come to our ABA team meetings. When we were looking into variuos preschool programs, He came with me to tour all the schools. Our governor also propossed to eliminate early intervention (0-3 years ) and DH was very involved politically to re-instate the program into the budget.

I research everything and do all the leg work- the referrel to early intervention, all the IFSF, finding all the therapist, interviewing/training ABA implementers, scheduling everything ( that's a full time job in itself) ! We talk things over - but generally he's happy to leave things to me. Plus I work 30 hours/week.

Hopefully in a few months his schedule will lighten up and things will be better.

Sorry Ladies...My Hubby is a very "hands on" Daddy. With ALL our children...even MY Daughter who is 24 y/o & is mentally ill & very violent at times! Everytime I read that there are dads out there who DON'T have enough/any involement with their children, I see how LUCKY I am & how LUCKY my kids & Grandchildren are too!

I call my Hubby my "Pot `O Gold"...there's a REASON for that!

Linda...aka MWN64 ...aka Tony'sMom

My husband used to be very involved, but something seemed to change him back into the ol guy he used to be...self centered.

So I am another one doing it alone...my hubby says stupid things to me like, "I thought we discussed this already and WE decided that Levi is not autistic."

Okay whatever you say dear! LOL!
Bio-dad has asked to sign away his rights because ds is too much of a "problem" on the one weekend a month he sometimes takes him.

On flip side, fiance tries hard to understand and researches and talks. I go to everything alone, but that is my choice. I've done it for years alone, I felt most comfortable keeping it that way.
MY dh is very emotionally supportive ... but the poor dear doesn't really do much as far as researching different modalities of treatment, which I've asked him to do several times. Thank goodness he plays with Luke when he gets home from work to give me a little sanity break, but I kind of feel overwhelmed at all the decisions I have to make, all the phone calls I have to make, all the interventions I have to consider, all the intricacies of insurance and other financial-aid-type systems I have to figure out, and all the transportation to different therapies I have to provide. Not to mention feeling like the 'ringleader' to this 3-ring circus called autism, dealing with all the different doctors and therapists, and trying to coordinate everyone's appointments (including my own to the OB and once baby comes, his appts to the doc!). And then there are the usual house-wifely duties that need attending to on a regular basis. (Anyone else going to Walmart this afternoon? )

Thanks for the opportunity to vent!
Kellie

Suzi,

Oh my goodness! I felt the same thing! We had so many "discussions" about him not being there, except my husband laid the"well if I stayed home and didn't work, then I could do this with you," crap! But at last, I have to give him credit, he took some time off and went to several diff types of therapy appts w/us and now he's very interested in what's going on day to day. Before he was very content on letting me do all the work. And you know what, that was fine with me..IF and only IF....I can share my expeiences and all the stress with him. After all, I have to listen about his day of work and such. For a long time, he didn't even want to talk about it because he didn't want to accept the dx. Now, he's using some of the therapy he learned to work w/ Nick when he is home. I think all in all,his main problem was trying to accept things, because he was ready to give up and think that Nick would never be"NORMAL"...lol But for my dh to see Nick make so much progress, you'd never know dh ever felt that way. If it makes you feel any better, so many people I have talked to have said the same thing about the men (no offense to those fathers involved)It seems as though men usually take it harder. So maybe he's staying away for a reason. I was told to let my hubby stay away at first and eventually he would come around. I didn't listen !!! LOL So I nagged him to death until he sat down and did it. Best thing I have ever done.
[QUOTE=Suzi T]
Am I the only married person out there who feels like I'm doing it alone?

[/QUOTE]

Nope! I also felt the same
I hope you are able to work things out and get the support you need.
Oh I hate walmart lol. But I still end up there several times a week. I also have a great hubby. I have know dh since he was 7 yrs old. He adores me even when I look like crap, so that's a keeper in my book :-) I do take on more than he does, but he works long and hard too at his job. I work only part time. And let's face it, I do the stuff (cleaning, balancing of checkbook, etc) better lol. It's just the way we're built differently. I tend to be the nurturing take care of everything person. Plus being moderately ocd I HAVE to have control over the cleaning for the most part. He does a good job though when he tidys up for me when I get home at night.

Now if Aiden gets a diagnosis I think dh will then be better. Right now sometimes he'll listen to things, but many times he gets mad and tells me to drop the subject. I'm the only one researching and doing doc appts and what not. He has taken time off to be there for the birth to three eval and the first ST meeting. And I do all the doc appts because dh works too late mon-fri to be in charge of that. Dh does at times ask me questions and does inform me of things that happen while I'm at work. So it's not as though he's totally in denial or doesn't help at all, he just doesn't want to get all obsessed about it like me lol. That's my personality and he's very easy going. He just wants to love and play with ds, and I'm cool with that for now.

Amber
My husband just called to ask if I want him to be at Alex's IEP tommorrow. Of course, there is some meeting at the same time. This from a man who always seems to make it to his golf league (2pm on Wed) each week all summer long. He also "had a meeting" during our final U of Mich devel ped meeting too.

Since Sept, I have taken Alex to U of M eight times. Since mid April we have been to Beaumont Hospital and the school system nine times. He has been in speech therapy weekly for 2.5 yrs. Not to mention the numerous phone calls, research, and the time I spend on this board.
Am I the only married person out there who feels like I'm doing it alone?

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