Hi, My son and everyone else in his class was told by thier third grade teacher!! At the time both our boys were in the same school and class.They were 9 and they may have suspected but This kind of upset me and my husband. It wasn't her place. The boys told us one girl got very upset.
Hi all,
I am looking for some opinions and advise. My 12 year old high functioning ASD son is starting to question Santa and other things. I have always loved the world of myth and makebelieve and so I wanted to keep these things alive for my children as long as possible. I know my son will keep believing me just because I say it's so. But my husband, the GRINCH(j/k), keeps telling me we HAVE TO tell him soon so he won't be teased by other kids his age.
How do I tell him!? Do I really need to? Some advise would be helpfull here! Thanks
I have to say I am amazed that he got 12 without knowing! I thought I was late in 4th grade (although I was only 8 - I skipped a grade). I have to say that I think your dh is right that he will need to know very soon. I can't tell you what to say - I'm nowhere near that point yet (I hope!) but I'm sure others will have better advice.Tony at 12 still believes in Santa too; although my youngest started questioning it in a big way this year (he's 9-3/4 NT). I have held on to the "believing" part and am now evolving it into a "believe in the spirit of love and giving" kind of thing. Both boys have really gotten into the religious side of the season, so it has helped to connect the themes (Santa is loving and giving as Jesus was loving and giving, etc).
Luckily, my 2 older NT kids have NOT spoiled the magic of the season, as a lot of older siblings will do.
Mary
Thanks Mary
My two older daughters are too old to believe but like me they love the world of make believe so they wouldn't want to ruin it for their brother. I hate to let it go but he is in junior high and i know some of the kids have already told him Santa isn't real. So if he goes back to school and argues it may cause problems. Not sure what to do!
I've been wondering about this issue myself. I did a little googling and thought these ideas were helpful:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16312967/site/newsweek/
[quote]How long should parents pretend?
[Studies indicate that] after 8, 75 percent of kids don't believe. That's the first "S" word that parents have to deal with--it's not sex, it's Santa. So the parent has to sit down and say, “Listen, this is how the Santa thing works. Santa did exist, he was a person who gave to others. And now that you're older, you can give to others and be Santa, too.” And you do it in a gentle way. Do you think if a kid who believes in Santa walks into a third- or fourth-grade class his friends are going to tell him in a gentle way? No. They're going to make fun of him, and the kid's going to run home crying, saying you lied to him. We all remember how the news is broken to us, so if we all remember, then there's some significance or we would have forgotten it. And it's better to have a memory of someone doing it nicely than some kids teasing you. [/quote]
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3800756/
[quote]But kids 7 years old? If a child was 7 years old, 75 percent of their classmates in school don't believe in Santa anymore. It is either you tell them in a nice way or they are going to find out from their friends. And trust me, it is not going to be done in a nice way by their friends.
So sit down, and talk about it with them. They probably already have questions like: How does the fat man can make all the houses in one night? How in the world can he go down the chimney? And my personal dilemma as a kid, how does he know if I‘m naughty or nice?
So you sit down with your kids and say, “Now it‘s time for you to be Santa. So you‘re old enough to now take part in starting to understand that Christmas is not just getting something from the fat guy, but giving and being Santa yourself.” And they like being told that they’re “old enough” and are now privy to some knowledge.
And you should also ask them not to tell their little brothers and sisters. Believe it or not, most kids don‘t want to spoil it for the little ones, because they realize that it's been great fun for them and they know what it was like. And if you do it in a nice way—and most kids are not vindictive to the point where they will do that—they will make the transition and they will play Santa as well.
When you talk to the kids and you say, “it is time to talk about Santa,” watch their faces, because they will start to smile. They kind of already knew all about it, but they didn‘t want to disappoint their parents.
So, most kids about 7 or 8--psychologically the age of reason—they are figuring these things out. They have kind of thought about it, and they need parents to kind of sit down and tell them, so they won‘t be confused.
Believe it or not, it is not going to spoil their Christmas or their holidays. Kids are going to feel like they fit in with the older kids. [/quote]
Jer, 10 - told us this yr Santa did not really exist....and neither did 'Hannukah Harry'.....we do both in our house....
I told him that they do exist.....but- I know deep down he knows they dont- and he doesnt want to make US feel bad.....its amazing that he could feel that- but I know he does......
My son, 8, still completely believes in Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and Easter Bunny. He has told me that kids he knows tell him there is no Santa and that your parents give you the gifts. I ask him where he thinks I would get the money to do that? He doesn't believe the other kids and just thinks that they won't get as many presents because Santa gives you the most. I dread the day when (and if) he realizes there is no Santa. He gets picked on for so much already that if he wants to believe until he's 20 I can't see the harm. They're going to pick on him anyway and at least he's happy believing in Santa.
My NT nephew is 11 1/2 and still believed, really believed, until his parents told him this year.
I think that the way it is told is important. The timing has to do with your child and his/her exposure to others. My nephew started arguing with other kids, and that's when my sister had to tell him.
I think that stories/movies from childhood like "The Polar Express" help alot. I also think that the famous editorial printed in the Chicago Sun Times (?) years ago entitled, "Yes, Virginia, There Is A Santa Claus" is timeless. I have a reprint of the newspaper letter to the editor from Virginia and the famous response. I also have a story book based on this wonderful piece.
I found a good article on the web today. The author's main points were:
- Together with your spouse, come up with a plan before the child starts asking about Santa
- talk to your child out of earshot of younger siblings and warn him not to spill the beans
- gauge your child's mood. If your child *really* wants to know, or asks repeatedly, then tell the truth. If he just asks an innocent question, use your own judgment -- you know your child best.
You can read the whole article here:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/82099/when_your_kid s_ask_about_santa_claus.html
As far as personal experience goes, my son is 8-1/2 and I haven't told him about Santa because I don't want him telling his little brother. I don't think he'd tell him on purpose, but he can just be impulsive with what he says and when he says it.
I did tell him about the tooth fairy last year, because one of the goals on his IEP was "learn the difference between fantasy and reality" (we felt he knew the difference already, just didn't always provide context for his comments). Since the tooth fairy comes again and again, I didn't feel comfortable acting like she existed while at the same time saying there's no such thing as magic.
I asked him who he thought the tooth fairy was. He didn't know. I said it was me, but he didn't believe me -- I couldn't travel all over the world dealing with all the kids teeth! So I had to clarify that each parent is their own kid's personal tooth fairy, and we called it "the tooth fairy game" the next time he lost a tooth.
Well, now almost a year has gone by since he lost his last tooth, and he seems to have forgotten what I told him. So I would say that he's not quite ready to give up on these childhood traditions. I might tell him about Santa next year, after his little brother joins the ranks of being a "big schoolboy" too. Then it wouldn't be such a tragedy if little brother found out by accident.
I stopped believing in Father Christmas when I was ten. I think it was just a realisation, I know nobody came out and told me.
I told Astra straight. She asked at around 6 years old if it was true and questioned how it was possible for him to do those things and I said it's not possible, it's something parents tell kids to make christmas more fun. I think if they start to question it they are ready for the truth, so don't beat around the bush. My kids NEVER did beleive in Santa the toothfairy Easter bunny