Every day when I pick my daughter up from school, I ask them, did she have a good day?
Every day the initial response is the same, she had a good day... smile.
-Then I say, really? No meltdowns?
-Then they respond, well.. a few.
-How did she tolerate the cafeteria?
-It was too loud, she threw her tray and had to go eat by herself in the classroom.
It seems that after every question I ask, there is a long pause as they look at me. As if they are trying to find a way to not answer my questions or to skirt around them. These are the same teachers she had last year so they know me. I just don't know why I have to make them tell me how her day really was. The convo I described above, does not describe a "good" day to me. Does anyone else have this problem with their public school?
I have found it helps to be more specific in your initial question... how was her day? or Did she have a good day? are just too broad and easy to answer in a vague way. Maybe even asking if there were any bad incidents would be a better leading questions. Do you think the teacher would be receptive to a daily journal? In preschool, K & 1st, we did that with Tony. Some days the teacher's entry was very short, other days very lengthy. And you can always structure it in such a way that is efficient for the teacher (create a graph, etc) yet informative for you.
Just some ideas. How old is your daughter? Have you asked for a functional behavior assessment? I would think the "aggressive" behavior (biting and hitting) would be good justification to request the assessment.
Mary
As an ASD teacher, I would suggest that you ask specific questions. If someone asks me if it was a good day- that is what I will answer. Biting and throwing stuff does not keep it from being a good day. Those behaviors might happen, and still the general overall mood could be just fine. If you want to know about your child's mood for the day, ask that. IF you want to know specifically if there were any socially inappropriate behaviors, ask that. IMO, they are two different things. Autists don't necessarily feel bad or have a bad day because they exhibit behaviors that are not neuro-typical.Oh yes.... year after year after year. Tony (thank goodness, in a way) has been very cooperative and compliant in school since very early on. And for the most part, he holds things in and is a "good, sweet boy" at school. I don't have any suggestions for you, as we STILL struggle with this issue.
One situation (a non-educational one) comes to mind as a perfect example... last year Tony's class "won" free happy meals for lunch. The day they were getting them happened to be the same day as our annual IEP meeting. The teacher and I were chatting about it before the meeting and I asked if the kids got to choose what they got (chicken nuggets, cheeseburgers, etc); she told me they were just getting all cheeseburgers with the works. I suggested they get them all plain and get condiments on the side, as Tony, for one, would have a fit if there was anything on his burger. Now, I know he was not the only one in the class with food issues, and these had been his teachers for 4 years (so I knew THEY knew of his eating habits). Had it not been for the opportune timing of our meeting, what was supposed to be a fun, festive event would have become a disaster situation for at least half the class. And not one Tony would have forgotten.
I know that was a lengthy sampling, sorry. We are dealing with the same kind of thing this year. Tony started middle school this year and I am not impressed with the teacher at all. In our school system, all grade levels are in the same class (6-8 at middle school) and the teacher doesn't seem to care to motivate or challenge the kids to do more than minimal work.
I really could go on and on... the bottom line is, I feel more and more that Tony is just marking time in school and is mostly progressing because of what he does outside of school, not in.
Mary
It just drives me crazy because I am looking right in her eyes as she evaluates me and doesn't answer my questions directly. I completely agree with you as far as the progress goes. Every thing that she has learned, has been at home. We initially thought she needed to be in school for the social experience alone. But.... now that she displays so much anxiety and "volatile" (that's her teacher's favorite word) behavior at school, I'm not so sure. She does not act out at home like she does at school. She has bitten 2 teachers and hit all of them this school year. She has never bitten anyone or hit anyone at home. She can't tell me in her own words how her day is. She will be able to soon but not yet. It makes me almost want to pull her out until she can.Having a Communication Book that goes back and forth is VERY helpful. Asking a teacher at the end of the day when it's time to get all the kids on their way home is a difficult time to get full attention. Clearly, she DOESN'T want to chat with you. She has other responsibilities at the time. Also, for teachers who are not that forthcoming about specfics, it pays to make up a form. All they have to do then is check off things. Like:
Meltdowns:
First meltdown: Time_____ Cause________ Consequence_____
Second meltdown: Time _______ Cause_________Consequence________
Third meltdown: Time_______ Cause___________ COnsequence________
You can make a checklist for anything. Potty, eating, hitting, spontaneous language, etc. Make it easy for the teacher to check off specifics. Then KEEP this information in a binder. It will help at future IEP meetings.
Do you mind me asking how big her class is? Is it mainstreamed or self contained?
I hope you don't mind.
We have a sheet with pecs that the teacher highlights that says what she does for the day. I guess I just want to know about every incident and I don't know if that's too much to ask. My daughter is 6 and I might get bits and pieces from her. She will be eating dinner and say "I hit Ms. G". Then when I ask her a question to get more info, she goes on to something else or back to her own world. I would just like to know before Gracie throws me a clue and I have to wait until the next day. I will take your advice and ask specific questions. Thanks!
Jeremy has an accomodation on his IEP about having assistance within transitioning in the lunchroom thru the lunchline. We put it in. It takes about 2 minutes- but someone is there EVERY day for that transition. I know this as Jer is verbal- and I also know this as I am a lunch monitor at Jeremy's school.
I agree with tzoya too...communication journal is good idea.
Gail
I understand completely. I have the same problem. I drop my son off at school on my lunch break and then he rides the bus home. I have to dig for information and then they act like I'm being nosy. I just want to know what's going on. Two parent-teacher conferences a year just doesn't really keep me updated enough. A good day to me is that he didn't bite anybody, didn't have any major meltdowns, made an attempt at eating lunch, etc. Not that he screamed less than 90% of the time.
5 students, 1 teacher, 2 parapros, in a class for children with autism-pdd
It probably is not feasible for a tome to be written every day, but if you can create a simple checklist of things you really, really want to know about on a daily basis, you can have that communication written into her IEP so the teacher has no choice but to fill it in.
When my son was in first grade and we started to have him evaluated, I had asked his teacher if he played with the other kids or if he played by himself. Her only response was "Well, some of us are loners." I was furious. What type of answer was that.
At our last PPT meeting in December the teacher brought to our attention 2 breakdowns he had where she was unable to console him for hours. I was shocked. Didn't she think I should have been notified?! I only found about because one of them happened that day of our meeting. She never called the nurse or the school psychologist. She only called the aide of another autistic boy my son is friends with to see if she could help him. His teacher is only 23 and is VERY inexperienced. She has no control in the classroom and is very unsure of what to do. But that's not my problem.
As parents we have every right to know what happens to our children while they are away from us.
That is a GREAT idea! I haven't thought about including it into her IEP. Thanks.It's hard to get good communication going. SOme parents get not nearly enough and some parents are called for every little thing. It's important to keep trying to get that communication level right, especially for those of us whose kids don't acccurately communicate. Whatever you want that system to be, get it on the IEP.This is a self contained Sped class and they just drop them in the big lunchroom? All that disorganization, all that noise.....no wonder some kids get upset. I remember that from yrs ago. For a while, Jeremy had a group aide in there with him- as well as some of the others who needed a 'go to' person during that time.
This is only my opinion - not knowing everything about all this...... I hope that doesn't come out wrong.
I make the school write everything in to the IEP- but- you have to remember- Jeremy has been mainstreamed since Kindergarten here in VT- and I feel- when you have to 'do as the Romans' do- and cannot due the disability- we end up making accomodations for the simplest things. I do have an accomodation about the classroom teacher meeting with Jeremy daily regarding classroom scheduling for the day. It also states- 'Communication is key, Jeremy can get very upset when not 'frontloaded' of new activities and new skills being taught'.
We go back tomorrow...we go to the Dev. Ped today.....
Gail