MsSteelersFan your childs sounds like my son's friend craves predictability and quick toanger out of frustration (although he is working very hard on learning appropriate responses through therapy). In regards to explaining the dx to my son, my friend (the mother) gave me the go ahead to tell him a bit about it and recommended the book Asperger's, huh? The boys' friendship is fascinating and yet so frustrating due to the vast difference in the the way that they are wired, with one so rigid and inflexible and the other flighty and spontaneous, but as I said before they usually work out any bumps and rough patches on their own. We have had to initiate a rule that they first need to see if they can find a solution before calling on the adults-they both are tattlers. They know that we will help if needed and if someone is hurt or in danger to call on us right away. They are both academically above level on most subjects and are both receiving behavior therapies so we feel that they are able to figure most out. Thank's for the help - it is likely that I will have more questions. what a great friend you are. i think you should explain the friends diagnosis very simply to your child. this way he will know it is not him that is making things difficult. if they are great friends then he can help his friend more if he knows how to react in certain situations. Have you considered sharing the friends dx with your son? I know it
may be difficult to explain to him, but I think he will benefit in the
long run. My son has autism, he is only 3, but I think it is a great
learning experience for other children to be around him. I do not
always share his diagnosis, but when I do I find it helps the other
children to be much more patient and understanding. They also tend
to be more curious about the way he thinks and plays, which gives
them the opportunity to learn about a disorder they otherwise would
not. I don't have any specific titles to give you, but I know that there
are many books available that explain spectrum disorders in
language that young children can understand. Good luck....I think it
is great that you are working to preserve their friendship! First of all, i'd like to welcome you to the board. I think it's great that you are actively seeking advice in this topic. I would start by talking to the child's mother, i wouldn't share the diagnosis with your son because his friend maynot even beaware of his specific diagnosis. be honest with your friend and ask her how she'd like you to approach it, i know personally, i would be delighted to have someone that would be willing to help model proper social skills. perhaps if you set ground rules at the beginning of the playdate, our children need to be "taught" proper social techniques, this child probably has no idea that your child has had enough of the verbatim scenario, and quite justly, you're child has the right to play the way he wants to I think there is room for some common ground here. my advice would be to talk to his mom and i wanted to add, i think you are super!
Welcome Coffree! I agree with Shakes as to checking with the Friends mom first in regards to her son knowing about his diagnosis and how to best approach it. perhaps talking to the boys together? I kno wmy son needs predictability. He resists changes. He gets angry when re enacting a favorite cartoon and it getschanged because he doesnt know what to do next. He also needs alone time after hes been over whelmed or over stimulated. I too commend you on trying to seek information. Way to go!!
I do not have an autistic child, however, my son's best friend (of three years) has dx of Asperger's and is extremely high functioning (my son is ADHD-Inattentive type). The boys are 8 years old and usually get along great but recently there have been some issues that I need some help with figuring out the best solution. My son's feelings are getting hurt whenever his friend quits playing with my son and instead plays on his own (his mom calls it "going into his head" and my son feels rejected) and recently his friend has become alot bossier. Our method has been to remind our son that everybody's brain works in a different way (my son is aware of his own dx but not his friends) My son seems to feel that is is his job to make sure that his best friend is happy and feels secure, however he is having a hard time trying to figure out what to do and right now so am I . The mother and I are very close friends and I love his friend dearly. I can also say that I know that my son often drives his friend crazy in ways as well,- they often re-enact of "play" Star Wars and Lord of the Rings. My son likes to change things up, create new characters and new endings while his friend prefers to re-enact verbatim. Thye usually figure things out between themselves. I just want it to be clear that I adore the friend and that I am not claiming total innocence with my son I just want some help in figuring out the best way to explain things because my son feels that I am taking his friends side and allowing his friend to say or do things that wouldn't be ok for him. (The other mom and I trade babysitting to get some grown up time)