Is this wrong?
Download 2 Free
|
| Back to Autism Information >> Next Topic | ||
|
I gave my 2 yr old a toaster struddle for breakfast BUT I didn't cut it in half like I usually do. He put it on his lips and said yucky throw it and started crying and screaming I then realized I didn't cut it in half. So I took it and cut in half and after a few minutes of freaking out he finally ate it. I should of known to cut it but I forgot, it is no big deal for me to do it si I do. I was wondering if maybe I shouldn't do this or have done it? I do try as I'm sure all of you do to accomidate things as much as possible but I thought maybe I was reforcing a bad behavior, not just helping him cope with the daily things in life. I would like opoinions please. Hi tonygirl, Before we knew that the girls are AS, we tried not to succumb to their unreasonable, ritualistic demands. The bedtime ritual had, in particular, become out of hand, and since we didn't know at the time that they were AS, we just thought that they were spoiled. We did make a concious decision to not let them ritualize things if the rituals were becoming burdensome. We just let them have their tantrums, punished them by taking away their toys, etc., if the continued to carry on. With consistency, we were able to reduce most of the rituals away to near nothing. The bedtime ritual, as it is, now consists of them having four stuffed animals of their choosing (used to be, like 150), and a little script that we say, "Hugs, noozles, kisses and NO BLICKS!" (blicks used to be part of the ritual where DD2 would want to lick our cheek and we had to react with revulsion). Once that's out of the way, DD says, "Can I tell daddy to close the door four times, or tell daddy to close the door one time", to which I have to reply, "No! One time", and then she tells me, "Daddy, Close the door!", and finally, I have to say "OK!" (and close the door). This takes about a minute. We used to have to go through about a half an hour of stuff before we'd be allowed to leave. They'll ritualize anything, we've found. For example, the four stuff animals seemed like a reasonable alternative to them having the beds completely covered with animals, and we got them to accept that. Now, however, there can be four and ONLY four animals in their beds, and having more or less is unacceptable! So, we do accept rituals that are easy to fulfill, and ones that are/were unweildly, we tried to whittle down to something a little easier to implement. We could probably fade out the nighttime ritual altogether, but so far, we haven't had the inclination to fight that fight. The thing that works best for us for diffusing these things is offering them a choice. For example, sandwhiches. Say I but the sandwhich in sqares instead of triangles, DD1 will probably demand that I cut the sandwhich in triangles, and she might start to get agitated. At that point, I'll simply explan that she can have the sandwhich cut in squares or she can have no sandwhich. She'll always accept the "imperfect" item, in situations like these. You might be able to negotiate some of these things when language starts blossoming (assuming it would be difficult to do this sort of negotiation with your two year old). I feel the same way.. Sometimes i forget to do things that my son insists i do and then i realize i didn't do something he freaks out and i end up doing it.. I am always getting yelled at by my Dh and telling me leave him let him freak out.. But it breaks my heart i can't just sit there and watch him cry because i gave him the wrong cup.. I know i baby him but i think that is my job he is only 3 so i thinki have some more time to figure him out.. I pick my battles. There are SO many to choose from!!!When my son was younger he would only eat peanut butter and jelly if it was cut into 2 triangles. He finally got over it. It should pass.Hey, I say if they will eat it then let them have it however they want. Our kids are so picky about what they will eat anyway. My son has to have the skin peeled off of his hotdog or forget it. So what do I do, Yep, I peel it.  [QUOTE=tzoya]I pick my battles. There are SO many to choose from!!![/QUOTE] ain't that the truth its like playing "go fish" Hi: I find that with a special kid (like my youngest) its hard to tell what is right to do. There are times when he truly depends on the rituals that he has, he needs it to be a certain way. Then, like you are posting here, I step back and ask myself, okay is that a 3 yr. old behavior or is it part of his need for things to be consistent and the same. A wise friend of mine who's son has asperger's told me a year ago when I started to notice things with my own son, choose was is a fire issue and what isn't. If the child will change his diaper on the couch with no melt-down, rather than on the changing pad, change him on the couch. Why put a big fight forward to get him on the changing table (at the time I had no idea why he hated getting changed). My son really needs some things to be the same. I think when it comes to food, I'm willing to bend with his "issue" because I would rather see him eat the food cut the way he likes it rather than not eat at all. Good luck. These are the daily things that are hard for us also!!! Picking our battles is so totally true! [QUOTE=tzoya]I pick my battles. There are SO many to choose from!!![/QUOTE]
Ditto. I understand how you feel. I would have just re-made the struddle. If you don't have a pre-made strategy to deal with it, and you're just wondering off the cuff if you should have not given in, my experience has been, it doesn't matter that much. Not for sandwiches. For things like full-fledged tantrums in stores (that are a real pain in the butt), that I wouldn't cave in. How often do you screw up his Struddle? He'll probably be eating something else by next year.
Come to think of it, my (sort of) NT son gets pretty PO'd if I do cut his sandwich. KIDS! I pretty much pick my battles as well. But I try to stop rituals before they begin, if possible. I purposely won't do things (park, store, shopping, McDonalds etc) more than 1 day in a row because she starts to expect it. I took her to the park once three days in a row and she started expecting it everyday! lol ABA therapy has helped us alot. Before ABA, if Emily wanted chips and we didn't have chips she would have a major fit! When Emily was 2 years old she was pretty much controlling us, and I did these things because I didn't want to deal with her fits I admit it. But I had to put a stop to it because I feltl like her prisoner! lol After several months of therapy things are much better. Now I can tell her we don't have chips but offer her something else and 99% of the time she is ok with that. Alot of Emily's issues were because of compliance though....I know that's not the case in every child. I do believe that some kids just need things done a very certain way or they can't handle it. And in that situation I'm not sure what the best thing to do would be. Sorry I can't be more helpful! Hey, there are NT kids who want the crusts off of their sandwiches...I think that it's fine, and yes, "pick your battles".think about the things that we as adults like and don't like. What is somebody wanted you to eat something you absolutly did not like? Or fixed your plate in a way that you normally wouldn't? I know that we are adults and can express better, and might even choose to find something else to eat given the situation. But, this is really no different. I don't like my foods to touch when they are put on a plate. Sometimes, I will have a plate and then bowls for all the side dishes. Any kind of beans cooked on the stove that has juice when you serve it MUST be in a bowl or I won't touch anything the juice got on. But the juice doesn't bother me when I am just eating the beans. Instead of pitching a fit, I just know that I don't like it so I won't eat it. If I am hungry later after something has been served in a way that I don't like it, I will find something else to eat. These kids don't have those coping mechanisms yet. They know what they won't and they know how the expect it. It doesn't come to them in the way that they expect and they have no idea why OR what to do about it. This brings on the tantrum. So, in my opinion, it's ok to give on things when it comes to meals and eating. But like several people have pointed out you have to choose your battles, and choose them based on what is of high priority to you and what's not. Regarding food, I never ever sweat it. My 7YO must have the same sandwich for lunch, every day, and a pudding, and I have to provide the plastic spoon. If I forget the spoon, he won't eat the pudding. Even though his school will give him one, NOPE!
I think with a 2 year-old it is impossible to reason with them (this is coming from a mom of a probably NT 2 1/2 year old!). I like my sandwiches cut in triangles - my mom would never cut them that way (lord only knows why!), so that kind of thing I don't sweat. However, as my ds got older (2 1/2 to 3) I started not letting certain rituals/routines get engrained - just like another poster. Ones that significantly affect your life. For example, ds ALWAYS wanted to drive by the park on the way home - it is literally only 2 blocks from our house. Most days I would do it - in fact, he wouldn't even have to ask, I would just do it. Seemed like a little thing. However, there were some days that we were in such a hurry that we couldn't take the time to do that - and ds would just have to accept it. Certain rituals and routines are comforting. We still do bedtime rituals (they have changed over the years though) and I know ds is comforted by this. One that we recently added is my going in after daddy has read stories to him and turned out the light. I have to "find" him in his bed - which sets him off laughing when I do! Then, I talk to him about his day. Both of us really enjoy this time together and this is the time I often find out about things I might not otherwise hear about. Even if ds is sent to bed without stories (which is a discipline in our house for REALLY awful behavior), I still go in. That is never taken away from him. I would talk to him about his behavior, but still would talk about the rest of the day as well. Anyway, ds is fairly okay with transitions and change (except major ones) and I think part of it is because we wouldn't let those major rituals become engrained. Just my two cents though! DANIEL STILL AT 10 LOVES FINGER SIZE FOODS. OUR NIGHT ROUTINE IS SHOWER BEFORE BED. HE IS LESS PICKY ABOUT STUFF LIKE WHEN YOUNGER. LESS STUFF IN KIDS ROOM THE BETTER. There is no right or wrong!! Every child is an individual. My great grandma had a saying, "there are those you push, those you pull and those you leave alone!". Like so many others have said you pick your battles. You do what is right for you, your child and your family. I gave in to lieelt things and forced some of the things i thought was important to push. I wouldn't make the cutting of food a battle personally.... keep in mind that for most of these kids it is the habitual things that make their world seem "right"my son dont eat those but there are tonz of other foods he need to have it presented to him certain way to eat it ... but i dont think that has to do with us supporting bad behavior etc..... our kids are different and they see things different from us and thats why certain things has to be presented certain way... or you get a meltdown ... for us means nothing to not have something cut or not but for them means the world. but if he is not verbal you can use that as reinforcement for speech. I have the same concers too. But I still do things te way she likes themThanks guys!! My OT told me she thinks that these kids preception is off so for instance if my son has a cookie and it falls on the floor and breaks HE CAN'T EAT IT he has to have a new one came with bread candy cheese ect.. She said she thinks since it's broke and looks different then to them it is not a " cookie" anymore in their eyes. I don't know kinda makes sence to me but that is my opinion. |
||
|
Copyright Autism-PDD.net
|
