As a parent of 5 children and on the advice from social workers and other professionals
1. IF your child can not tell you whats going on you must depend on their behaviors.
2. If your child is unhappy, or your child does not want to go to school or is showing behaviors that they did not show before. And you have a gut feeling somethings not right. And the school is going behind your back doing things without even giving you a curtosey call, PULL THEM!!!
3. If your child seems happy, is not showing any problems, and you dont like the way things are done but your child seems happy. Try to work it out.
No child has to attend school until they are 7 years old and at 16 they are no longer required to attend school(in some states it may be 17).
If you do decide to pull, just tell them you dont believe that this is appropriate for your child at this time and you will contact them when she/he gets older and see what happens then. If you are going to start fighting(which usually ends up meaning you are declaring WAR) when your child does turn seven and has to attend school, you only have a few choices. 1. Place them back where they were, 2. pay for private school,3. Or homeschool.
If you place her back in the school you have made angry at you even if you are right do not expect things to change or get better. Reality Bites, it will probably get worse.
Private school is expensive
If you homeschool, it is a little costly but very time consuming/ Be prepared to give up your job and anything else to give your child an education.
I know this is probably not what you wanted to hear. But, there it is.
The Truth
In the end you are your childs best expert. Do what you feel is right just make sure you think about the long term effects not just the here and now. Since your child is so young if you want to take her out so she can get better services, I would do it. I would just tell the school that I was not ready for what they have in mind and you have decided that you are going to wait. Thats not starting a fight. Maybe the services she recieves over the next couple of years will enable her to be better prepared for their school enviroment. Maybe she wont need many extra services at all. Intensive intervention at an early age is crucial.
Venus
"I got a call from the school nurse to come pick up my son today because he had smelly loose bowels and needed to be sent home. If that's their criteria for being sent home, he is going to be sent home ALL the time! "
Whoa, If your child is not potty trained then he should have extra clothes at school. There should be a goal for self-help skills(pottying) in his IEP. I would get the documentation that the school requested your child be picked up due to loose stools. Quickly! AND IN WRITING.
My sons school repeatedly requested that I pick up my son early from school, I wont go into all the reasons. When I finally got a complete copy of his records it stated that parent was called about such and such problem and decided to pick up the child and take him home. What a lie. It made it look like they were calling to inform me and I took it upon myself to remove him. There was not one piece of paper that showed the truth. Boy, was I surprised. Lessons learned!!!
As far as social skills your child at this age can get social skills from play dates , daycare,etc.
Do what you feel is the right thing for your child. We all do, regardless of advice given, pressure, etc. In the end we do what we think is best/appropriate for our children. No matter our occupation, no matter if disabled or not, no matter if we are rich or poor.
Best of Luck to You and your Family
Venus
I am seriously thinking of taking my son out of preschool and doing all his therapies through the Children's Hospital. Has anyone done this? Will I be allowed or can the school system stop me?I don't think any child "has" to go to school until age 5 or 6. I would call the board of education and ask them when does a child legally "have" to be enrolled in school (or homeschooled).I didnt start school for my son(5) till this year...and I put him in preschool...The school system looks at you funny but I didnt think he was ready for school and of course he isnt potty trained...April 2006 he was dx....The school place him in preschool...which I was happy since he has never been away from me till now..
I was told here that you didn't have to have your child reg for school be it public private or homeschool which is what I do, till they were 7. I don't know if that is true everywhere but in MN I guess it is or I think or I would of been in trouble.Preschool is not mandatory. And in some states neither is kindergarten. However, my system does a basic skills evaluation on all kids that register for kindergarten or on kids coming in and parents wanting to place them in 1st grade when they have no record of being in K anywhere. If the child who hasn't been in K doesn't know basic K skills, my school will place them in K. If they do know basic K skills, then they will place them in 1st. But going to K at age 5 is not mandatory in my state either. Not sure of what the age is though when it becomes mandatory.
No one will stop you from pulling your child out of preschool services. Are you just not happy with the services? You could do preschool and private through Children's. At least what your child gets through school is free.
There's many reasons I am not happy with the school but my main thing is just a "gut feeling". Every day when I drop him off or pick him up, I get an awful feeling in the pit of my stomach saying this isn't right. He's only been going a month but I can't shake this feeling. I do not believe it's because "I'm not ready" because I've already gone through the preschool thing with my 4 year old.
Also, communication betwenn the school and home SUCKS. If they even send his communication book home, the rarely ever write anything and almost never respond to what I write. They refused to give him his IEP required aide without even consulting with me. After a little tirade from me about my rights, they apologized. I then ok'd the no aide for now due to class size. 4 kids, 2 aides and 1 teacher. We agreed that if class size changed he would get an aide. 2 days later I go to pick him up and some strange woman was walking him out. He's got a new 1:1 aide. She spoke extremely broken english to the point I couldn't understand her name even after repeating it 3-4 times. She was also very small and about 60 years old. I am not predjudiced in any way but I feel he needs someone who is proficient in his language and also active enough to keep up with him. So I complained about that and about the appearance of an aide after all the hoopla a few days before. Teacher said she didn't know she was coming, she just showed up. Principal gave me a whole song and dance about the class size increasing even though there's no new kids. I just got my first note from the OT. UP until this week I didn't even know for sure he was getting it. I still haven't heard anything from/about speech.
His new aide as with the first one, has no ABA experience. They give on the job training with a 2 hour inservice every Wednesday. The other kids in the class did not has ABA before going to school but my son has had ABA for over a year. I don't feel comfortable with him having more experience than his aide. They told me there is no way to get an aide with prior experience. That may be fine for the school system but it's not ok for me.
Then there's a million little things. I send him with mittens and gloves and they send him out with none. Today he has to go to school with nothing because they're all there.
About the IEP. Anything and everything you expect for him should be on the IEP. And if the school district is not following the IEP, complain IN WRITING. Anything that is not written down simply was not said. That works both ways. Expect THEM to answer in writing, too, or send them a follow-up letter to your conversations. If they even ask that you forgo something that is written on your son's IEP and you agree that you want to go along with that, ask that another IEP meeting be set up to changes things OFFICIALLY on the IEP. The aide needs to be trained. I think you can also make a case that an aide whose English is not good is an INAPPROPRIATE choice for a child who has a language disability. Your son needs good role models. The schools are legally responsible for giving your child an APPROPRIATE education.
I know this seems like a huge headache right now, but eventually you will need to properly advocate for your son and you might as well start now. I HIGHLY recommend the book From Emotions to Advocacy It might be in your library, you might find it on eBay, but it's .95 at www.wrightslaw.com and worth every single penny. As I mentioned, the school is responsible for giving your son an appropriate education and making SURE he progresses. You have procedural safeguards through the school that help you force them to do this, if it comes to that. You have no such safeguards through medical intervention. With outside therapies, you get what you get. IMHO, there is a place for both school intervention and outside intervention. If you are concerned with ANYTHING that is happening in your son's class, call a team meeting if not an official IEP meeting. You can get them to understand that his face needs to be wiped, etc. You can get those things on the IEP if necessary. But the fact is that our kids NEED to learn to be in a classroom setting. Maybe even more than other kids do. Because our kids' essential disability is social, they cannot learn what they need to learn by being kept out of school. That is my opinion. Plenty of homeschoolers will differ. But I see no benefit in keeping our kids out of the environments they will eventually need to learn to deal with. Society.
No child has to go to a public school, even at the mandatory age of 7, if that child is duly enrolled in a private program thru the parents. Even if that program is homeschooling (rules for homeschooling vary state to state, so you have to check). If you want to list your reasons for not sending your child to preschool, perhaps we can comment on them, if you like. Also, it may not have to be either/or. A child can go to preschool or get services from the school district but also get after school help, privately.No, appropriate should not mean mediocre, but many courts have already said that it definitely does not mean best. NEVER use the word best in your communication with the school about your son. NEVER. Train yourself to use the word "appropriate." What appropriate has come to mean after 30 years of IDEA and many, many court cases is "adequate." Of course "adequate" is no more definite than "appropriate." In the light of the fact that IDEA 2004 has been aligned with NCLB, "appropriate" is going to come to mean that a child will meet the same school standards that are required of ALL kids. That is exactly what No CHild Left Behind says. It says that ALL children, including special ed. kids, will meet state education standards. I forget by what year. It will be in your child's school life, definitely. That is actually going to increase what "appropriate" means. But right now it means more than minimum and less than best. That is the LEGAL definition. What that REALLY means is what we fight over all the time.
At your son's age, there are not state standards because he is not school age yet. HOwever, his IEP serves at the standard. Skills have to be learned "across all environments." So the fact that he doesn't do these things across environments means he has not mastered his goals. Take a close look at the goals. They may have been written very vaguely. They should be observable and measurable. Have the teacher SHOW you how your son can do on each goal. If you like, copy the goals here and we can discuss them.
The truth is, if you pull him out of school, he won't be getting an appropriate education, either. You can certainly get him more therapy thru your insurance and/or you can use outside testing to prove to the school that they are not doing a great job. But your son's future is in a school. Lots of social goals cannot be worked on except in that environment. Separate what is potentially good about his being in school from what needs to be changed or addressed in some way. If you are thinking about pulling him after only one month, look closely at your own feelings about school-- whether it's appropriate or not. Many of us are reluctant to let our babies go. That's a natural feeling on our parts. But our children can't afford the luxury of just hanging out at home. Of course, they should never be subjected to a school environment that is not helping them meet their goals, either. Try to get this situation to improve. Even if you have to access professional support. It will be an investment in your child's future. If these are the characters you are going to have to deal with for the next upteen years, make friends. Establish as good a relationship as you can. Help create a cooperative environment with the IEP team. Put out any fires now, but give the situation some time to develop at school. It may not get any better, but over time you may be able to fix it. After only one month, no one will listen thinking this is still the shake-down period.
[QUOTE=tzoya]No, appropriate should not mean mediocre, but many courts have already said that it definitely does not mean best. NEVER use the word best in your communication with the school about your son. NEVER. Train yourself to use the word "appropriate." What appropriate has come to mean after 30 years of IDEA and many, many court cases is "adequate." Of course "adequate" is no more definite than "appropriate." In the light of the fact that IDEA 2004 has been aligned with NCLB, "appropriate" is going to come to mean that a child will meet the same school standards that are required of ALL kids. That is exactly what No CHild Left Behind says. It says that ALL children, including special ed. kids, will meet state education standards. I forget by what year. It will be in your child's school life, definitely. That is actually going to increase what "appropriate" means. But right now it means more than minimum and less than best. That is the LEGAL definition. What that REALLY means is what we fight over all the time.
At your son's age, there are not state standards because he is not school age yet. HOwever, his IEP serves at the standard. Skills have to be learned "across all environments." So the fact that he doesn't do these things across environments means he has not mastered his goals. Take a close look at the goals. They may have been written very vaguely. They should be observable and measurable. Have the teacher SHOW you how your son can do on each goal. If you like, copy the goals here and we can discuss them.
The truth is, if you pull him out of school, he won't be getting an appropriate education, either. You can certainly get him more therapy thru your insurance and/or you can use outside testing to prove to the school that they are not doing a great job. But your son's future is in a school. Lots of social goals cannot be worked on except in that environment. Separate what is potentially good about his being in school from what needs to be changed or addressed in some way. If you are thinking about pulling him after only one month, look closely at your own feelings about school-- whether it's appropriate or not. Many of us are reluctant to let our babies go. That's a natural feeling on our parts. But our children can't afford the luxury of just hanging out at home. Of course, they should never be subjected to a school environment that is not helping them meet their goals, either. Try to get this situation to improve. Even if you have to access professional support. It will be an investment in your child's future. If these are the characters you are going to have to deal with for the next upteen years, make friends. Establish as good a relationship as you can. Help create a cooperative environment with the IEP team. Put out any fires now, but give the situation some time to develop at school. It may not get any better, but over time you may be able to fix it. After only one month, no one will listen thinking this is still the shake-down period.
[/QUOTE]
I know that a lot of stuff you are saying is true. It's just too exhausting face it. I have a call into the school systems parent liason. She leads our PAC council so she knows who I am. I am still waiting for a call back. I am pretty confident my issues with the school are due to difficulty in letting my baby go. I've been through that with my oldest last year for preschool and this feels very very different.
I have sent in all his medical records and explained his GI issues to EVERYONE involved with my son. He didn't have his first solid stool until this past year and his stool has been foul from birth. I got a call from the school nurse to come pick up my son today because he had smelly loose bowels and needed to be sent home. If that's their criteria for being sent home, he is going to be sent home ALL the time! This whole topic may end up being moot! I had a cat scan scheduled for this morning so I didn't have time to fight about it but they knew I was annoyed. I hate feeling defeated so early in the game. [QUOTE=tzoya]
My personal opinion is that your child will do better in school than out. It's not that there are not issues. There are. But you have to separate the issues that have an effect on your son's progress from the annoying things that don't matter in the larger scheme of things. Of course, missing mittens can be an indication that people are not paying enough attention. On the other hand, it could be that they are paying attention to the important things regarding teaching your child and they have not yet gotten to the point where they are teaching him to remember his own things. Get mitten snaps or put them on a ribbon that goes through the sleeves. Take care of what CAN be made easier for them so that they can concentrate on the important things. For example, make up a checklist for them to fill out each day instead of having to compose a few sentences about your son's day. Try to figure out how to make as many things better as you can and then concentrate on important issues like is he making progress. Of course, one month into this, it will not be easy to tell. [/QUOTE]
According to his teacher he already meets his goals on the IEP. Which to me is odd since he doesn't do these things at home and all his evaluations indicated he doesn't do them and EI, ABA and his Dev Ped found these all as areas needed to be addressed. Either the teacher and aides are miracle workers or something is seriously wrong. I'm going in after the break to observe.
[QUOTE=tzoya]About the IEP. Anything and everything you expect for him should be on the IEP. And if the school district is not following the IEP, complain IN WRITING. Anything that is not written down simply was not said. That works both ways. Expect THEM to answer in writing, too, or send them a follow-up letter to your conversations. If they even ask that you forgo something that is written on your son's IEP and you agree that you want to go along with that, ask that another IEP meeting be set up to changes things OFFICIALLY on the IEP. The aide needs to be trained. I think you can also make a case that an aide whose English is not good is an INAPPROPRIATE choice for a child who has a language disability. Your son needs good role models. The schools are legally responsible for giving your child an APPROPRIATE education. [/QUOTE]
I have a 3 month progress meeting already scheduled and I am going to write a formal letter (for ex: Letter to a stranger) and cc it to practically anyone with the ability to read.
[QUOTE=tzoya]I know this seems like a huge headache right now, but eventually you will need to properly advocate for your son and you might as well start now. I HIGHLY recommend the book From Emotions to Advocacy It might be in your library, you might find it on eBay, but it's .95 at www.wrightslaw.com and worth every single penny. As I mentioned, the school is responsible for giving your son an appropriate education and making SURE he progresses. You have procedural safeguards through the school that help you force them to do this, if it comes to that. You have no such safeguards through medical intervention. With outside therapies, you get what you get. IMHO, there is a place for both school intervention and outside intervention. If you are concerned with ANYTHING that is happening in your son's class, call a team meeting if not an official IEP meeting. You can get them to understand that his face needs to be wiped, etc. You can get those things on the IEP if necessary. But the fact is that our kids NEED to learn to be in a classroom setting. Maybe even more than other kids do. Because our kids' essential disability is social, they cannot learn what they need to learn by being kept out of school. That is my opinion. Plenty of homeschoolers will differ. But I see no benefit in keeping our kids out of the environments they will eventually need to learn to deal with. Society.[/QUOTE]
I'm definitely going to get that book.....today. I understand that the school is responsible for giving my son an appropriate education but my opinion of appropriate is apparently different then theirs. My feeling on the outside therapies is the feedback I get. I get little to none from the school and that is not acceptable to me. I have complained and complained to deaf ears. I just think he'd be better off going to a regular preschool or playgroups for socialization and getting therapies I know are happening AND working. I feel that the last 2 years of intensive therapy is going to be all for nothing if he stays here. My son and I both worked extremely hard for it to go to waste.
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