Okay you guys,
Its me agn. As most of you know My son Bailey has been doing extremelly well on Adderall and we tried this new Celexa this past week......THEN back to school came ard......(hes been off for 5 days for the holidays)
You all remember how I was concerned abt them using the locked time-out room. And you all helped me with that emensily{{HUGS}}It was "revised" into his IEP that he would have a chair to sit on in the resource room. And this has worked-his behaviors up until now have been great and he has done really well-hardly needing that time-out chair at all......okay on to my vent-HA!LOLOLOLOL
Today was a nightmare-i guess......well it was for me anyway-I was up at the school until 6:15 THIS EVENING!!!with my other two kids parked in the car waiting.....and waiting...and waiting......
Okay I get this call at home abt 2:"WE think Bailey is just trying to push us and he is up to owing(time accumilated from not complying to who knows what)63 min-so I think we need to keep him after today......(I already told them I hate this -that i dont agree with this and I didnt want to do this with Bailey)"Oh and Mrs Britton we had to impliment a 7 min timeout-in the timeout ROOM today-as he was scratching me(the spec ed teacher)(I TOLD them I did NOT want them implimenting this already-went as far as to have it even taken off his BIP and replaced with the chair)
So I totally understood where the behaviors got out of hand as anytime that stupid room is involved things go crazy......So I go to the school end up waiting abt 2 hrs-go in, Bailey starts running away-comes back to me-starts to cry. We then all escort Bailey back to the resource room where he needs to sit for 15 min and do his work-wouldnt do it-flat out refused to sit in that chair. So I leave-obviously Im not helping???I guess?????SO I wait agn for an hour and I see the spec ed tecaher leading Bailey back into the school building-the resource room is a sep building. Anyway Im thinking in my head DONT EVEN be going to the time-out room. 15 min go by and Im thinking what the heck is going on-I get out of the car and the doors to the school are locked. GAH!!!!!!!Sheesh...so I go back and call him and he calls back" Timeout room"-lucky guess-eh? OKay so Im pretty perterbed at this point and IM not up to talking and Im waiting agn for abt 1/2 hr then out they come.
Okay so I gues he grabbed the blinds in the resource room and tried to hit the spec ed tecaher with them-so he went to the timeout room. and thsi is where he is supposed to calm himslef.....HA! He was climbing on the door knobs, trying to get to the ceiling to get out of there-gotta hand it to him-where there is a will there is a way it seams.LOLOLOLOL;)okay so he has started running away agn-to get out of going to that stupid stupid timeout room-SHESHHHH. Is it just me being nuts-or am I the only one seeing that this room is a problem??????
Okay so with all of this I dont know if it is because of the break or if that new med Celexar is doing wacky things......
One thing I DO know: they are going to impliment that dumb room with or without my permission. They are going to drag him there with or without my permission. They are going to keep him after school with or without my permission. Nothing matters-not what is on the IEP-not what I fight for. Because at the end of the day its them there with him at school and not me
My NT daughter(6) had a breakdown as she thought we were leaving her brother there at school.....she was bawling. And yes for each one of these situations I have to tote ard my other two small children......
Just when I think we have all come to an understanding on thinsg -BAM-something comes up. And its not taht they do these thinsg-they do it all out of the blue and make me feel I have no choice or say so at the time-kwim? When Im gone -I can sure think of loads to say-LOLOLOL-but at the time-Im stunned I guess and have no clue.....
ANY-ANY advice would be appreciated-I CAN NOT, CAN NOT take another year of this........ Behavior Intervention Plan that the IEP will FORCE all adults in Bailey's life to follow. Make sure the IEP includes having the consultant come in regularly to show the teachers HOW to implement the plan and have the IEP include parent training for you at home, so a similar plan can be put into place at home. Medication can only put a child in the right place to LEARN from a behavior plan. Medication, on its own, teaches nothing. Make SURE you make the IEP Team understand that Bailey's behavior deteriorated considerably after a school break. This is considered regression and will qualify him for summer services. I daresay that you'll see the same thing over Xmas Break, or worse. The truth is that the system is failing Bailey by not giving him the supports an autistic child NEEDS. If they cannot or will not do this, then his current class is the WRONG placement. If you think you're having difficulty with him at THIS age, if he doesn't get into a better situation, things will get far, far worse as he gets older and bigger. This is NOT Bailey's fault. It is the fault of the school for not providing him with what he INDIVIDUALLY needs. They continue to insist on treating him as a normal, if problematic, child. His is NOT normal (I know that's not PC, but it's the truth). His abnormality is that his brain thinks like an autistic brain thinks. Until all the adults in his life come to understand this, he will continue to break down, sorry to say.Tammy, I am so sorry that you, and Bailey are going through this! What what an awful situation. I cannot believe that they're using that room after it was taken out of the IEP. That is considered noncompliance by the staff. He is entitled to a Free Appropriate Education, and they HAVE to provide him with that. His learning envoroment is not conducive to learning. 63 min of time out???? That is ridiculous! They're setting him up to fail, then punishing him further for failing. I'd definetely get a FBA (like Tzoya said), and I'd find an advocate. I'd document all this, what they're saying, and doing, and on what date. If you're like me you forget little details. It's hard fro them to argue with you at an IEP meeting when you have more documentation of what's been happening then they do. One thing that I'm going through with the school is that they're expecting my ds to act like he's 5, when his developmental age is at a 2 1/2 to 3 yo level. Their tests said that. I don't know how old your ds is, but what matters more is where his developmental age is. They can't ask him to behave in a way that he's incapable of doing. I would call another IEP meeting. i hope things get better.
Thanks Tzoya and Serenity for responding.
I wrote a letter to the school explisitly telling them the owed times were not to carry over after school and also we were not allowing the time out room under any circumstances from here on out. The stupid room is unsafe for my child and I have a serious problem with that. Bailey went home last night with a hurt back and raw fingers trying to get out of there-plus he was falling from climbing on the door handles.....good grief!
The spec ed teacher called and he sounded very upset with how I handled things-very short with me not wanting to talk abt anything....just kept telling me we woudl talk abt it at the meeting....so I dont know how our relationship will be from now on....which upsets me-honestly I dont know how I could have handled it better-right? He also told me that we are meeting on Monday morning and until then if the chair doesnt work they will be simply calling me to pick him up. So its the room or simply me coming to get him now-ugh!
I called the disability Law center and basically I guess they can do this until it reaches 10 days-whether or not it is because of his disability-sheesh what a load of crap!
But Id rather have him home if all they are going to do is lock him in a room and watch him go crazy in there. The whole thing is stupid-and yes Tzoya I agree with what you are saying but Im dealing with an outragious District lady who doesnt thinkand refuses to acknowledge my child has ASD anything and thinks he just needs to be punished into compliance. She thinks all my responses are enabling my son to be bad.....sheeeesh...........That behavior school -self contained classroom they were threatening me with last year sounds better and better each day......but he is doing really well academically this year mainstreamed with only failing spelling-all other subjects he has an 80 above average. Could a self contained class work at his same level he is at right now???
I am sooooo not looking forward to this meeting-that darn district lady is going to be there and we ALWAYS butt heads-FUN!
I guess I really cant say to much at this next meeting because by law they can call me to come and get him until 10 days-right? I dont know of any way ard this do you? or what to do abt this.....Im requesting an FBA in writing and presenting it at the meeting...but that is going to be scoffed at. I just hope and pray that that behvior specialist is there thsi time-she actually wnast to see things work and I think she would agree with alot of what I have been saying.....I just have to keep my cool at the meeting-but I dont exactly know what to prepare for -kwim?
Any advice???
Love ya,
Tammy
The 10 day rule if for suspensions. Please post your state and I will post a short list of lawyers and advocates for that state. Not every lawyer knows everything. These people specialize special education law for kids thru 21. You are being abused, your son is being abused. You need a barracuda to help you. Nothing less will do. I certainly would bring a lawyer with me. Also, KEEP EVERYTHING IN WRITING. Send EVERYTHING certified mail, receipt requested. Bring a tape recorder to EVERY meeting you have with EVERYONE. Give them notice so they can tape the meeting, too. Follow up EVERY phone call with a letter stating what the phone call was about. Keep ALL the written correspondence in a 3-ring binder. When you DO get representation, this will be a treasure trove for the lawyer or advocate. When you ask for the FBA in writing, send a copy to the Sped HEad and also to her supervisor, even if her supervisor is the SUperintendent of Schools. Start making LOTS of noise. Call an IEP meeting IMMEDIATELY and make the time out room off limits as a disciplinary tool. They may not agree to that, but you'll have your conversation about it on tape and made official. IF they refuse to disallow the time out room, request a Prior Written Notice document. Look it up on wrightslaw.Thanks Tzoya-Im in Utah
Well that is just it-they said they wont use the time-out room anymore, but then they will call me if it gets to that point and I will have to bring him home-which I also dont agree with-but I dont know with what I have to work with on this one-as his behaviors are physical-when he is grabbed and then he scratches the teachers etc-kwim? So I think by Utah law it was if it was dangerous to slef or others-so basically I could be called quiet frequently-depending on how crazy they want to go with this. But they have had to have tried the chair at first....
Can I say something else needs to be done instead of the time-out room-do you know what we could put in there instead.
I just was perterbed as it made me think they were threatening me with the calls if I didnt allow teh time-out room-kwim?
If your child was ever physical with staff when he was younger-what did you have in your BIP? I could use any suggestions to bring to the meeting....
LOve ya ,
Tammy
THank you fro reminding me abt the tape recorder-I had completely forgotten abt that :) Def will be bringing that one....
Hi Tammy,
I am so sorry to hear about this going on with Bailey. He deserves better. The BIP should be a way of trying to prevent the "time out room" from needing to be used at all- it should be a plan full of strategies that prevent the behaviors. But from a teaching standpoint I can tell you that even the best proactive behavior interventions take a little time to start working. So in the meantime,
My question is WHY is the "time out" room being used? Is it because he is SO loud and disruptive that he is interfering with other's sense of safety or their education? Or is he SO escalated that others start to form a horrible impression of him (such as hating him or being scared of him) due to the escalation and he needs a quiet space to be away from others and get calm? Or is it being used as a PUNISHMENT, meaning, "If he does ________ he has to go to this room for ____ minutes."
The last example is the one that is COMPLETELY unacceptable, this is totally inappropriate and will NEVER work for a child with ASD. However, if he is escalated and needs a quiet place, could he go to a separate space when accompanied by staff? This is what we do when needed. Our philosophy is to protect the dignity of the child who has lost control, to make sure other kids feel safe, and to provide as space that has totally minimized sensory input when escalation has spun out of control so that additional stimuli don't increase the escalation. When we do use this separate space (it is basically a small room with a window and nothing in it) it is always the child plus 2 staff people, and at least one of the staff MUST be trained in ASD and escalated behaviors. Oh, and by the way, it is NOT called a "time out" room, it is NOT locked, and it may NOT be used for punishment at all, no punitive language or attitudes are allowed from staff when using it.
So- back to the reason for my questions, I am trying to think what to put into his plan instead of what is there, but that depends on the reason why the staff thinks he needs this "time out" room.
Thanks Karolysgirl.
The time out room was put in teh BIP fro when he actually hurts someone-could be pushing, could be kicking, could be scratching. They were using this all the time and so I had the BIP changed to a cool down chair in the resource room-teh time out room being an emergency clause-which wa sstated to me would not be used unless it was an emergency-made someoen bleed etc.
His behaviors that are annoying to others such as poking-this also will send him to the chair-so it could be quiet frequent depending on the type of day he is having-his frustration levels etc.
Thsi time out chair-I had to fight tooth and nail for as the spec ed tecaher stated he needed this room for his own safety. I get the impression, I dont know if you do, but that this room is clearly for him(the spec ed teacher)not the safety of teh other students-as eh never gets to blood point with them.
Also liek I noticed teh other night wa sthat he grabs Bailey when he wont comply-which QUICKLY increses Baileys anger. And this is when it can quickly turn into an emergency wher teh tecaher can get hurt. He is not aggressive liek thsi with the tecaher unles stouched and forced to comply.
This is what usually happens. Bailey pokes a neighbor-teacher is called and Bailey is told by him to sit on the chair. Depending on whether Bailey thinks it is justified Bailey might comply or might not-if not-then physically guided to the chair-starts to scratch teacher-wont stay in chair-physically guided to timeout room-and during this time it has escalated so much and the teacher still has his hands on him and Bailey is HOT-so his aggression is not controlleable-kwim?
So to me it all stems on the physical touching-which I heard him tell the tecaher last night he didnt like and to let go(was not listend to by the way)-then the timeout room-which Bailey has extreme anxiety in-claws at the door you name it to get out.Mess-eh?
And I dont blame Bailey one bit-Id be heading for the hills too....
Id love somesuggestions from you-anything you think would help. At this point Id be all too happy to just come and get him if they cant handle these behaviors-and they are caused by their own doing-I NEVER have these problems with him.....
LOve ya,
Tammy
Who is not safe at school? Bailey or the teachers who are not managing him properly? If it were me, I'd politely tell them that it is impossible for you to come pick him up when they call. Also, if you have a person listed as an emergency contact, tell THAT person not to go pick him up. If they have to keep a kicking and screaming Bailey in school and don't have the "emergency trap door" of you coming to pick him up, I think you'll see them put into place a FAR BETTER behavior plan than they currently have. Right now, they're seeing it as YOUR problem. The fact is, Bailey needs to be in school so it's THEIR problem. I'd rather see him officially suspended. Then you may HAVE to come pick him up or allow them to put him into some kind of in school suspension room. However, once he reaches 10 days of suspension in a year, he'll have to have a Manifestation Hearing. This is an IEP meeting that addresses behavior management. By law, they HAVE to perform a Functional Behavior Assessment because the Manifestation Hearing is all about whether Bailey's bad behavior is a MANIFESTATION OF HIS DISABILITY. What is his spec. ed. classification? If it is autism, this is a slam-dunk. Clearly, his behaviors are caused by his autism. If he's classified as something less specific, you 'll have more difficulty. But if he has a dx of an autism spectrum disorder from a doctor, that is also evidence that will bear on the fact that his behavior is a manifestation of his disability.
The REAL truth, IMHO, is that Bailey is misplaced. He needs to be in a smaller environment that is set up to be much more structured and in which ALL the adults have excellent training in special ed and, ideally, in autism -- especially the higher functioning forms. If it were me, I'd immediately institute the process to find out where there might be a more appropriate placement for Bailey and request to see other classes -- in your district or out-of-district.
BTW -- I looked up lawyers and advocates on the advocacy site I belong to and I found none in Utah. By that I mean that there were none from this organization who posted as accepting new clients from Utah. I posted two new topics here about choosing an attorney or choosing an advocate. These may help you choose once you find contacts in your area. You and Bailey really NEED legal help.SIGH... I have suggestions, but I am not terribly hopeful that they will be followed by this teacher, simply because of the information you have provided about how the teacher has been so far.
First, for your own understanding, it is COMMON that kids have more behavior problems in one environment than another. The expectations at school are very different from home. I agree, that the minute anyone touches Bailey he is likely to escalate (this is pretty much universally true of humans) so touching him when it isn't essential for safety reasons is a mistake. For this, I recommend MANDT training for the staff, because this system (used by many police departments) teaches de-escalating a situation with the LEAST physical intervention possible, and it was in this training that I learned about how touch can escalate people quickly.
Having said this- you may disagree with my philosophy on the rest, but I believe that certain behaviors (mainly hurting self or others) are simply NOT OK no matter what your disability may be, and I do tell my students this. I will physically move or hold a child who is hurting himself or someone else. Even in these cases though, a typical hold lasts less than 3 minutes and by the end of this time the child is physically completely calm, and after a couple of more minutes of soothing talk or a back rub, usually ready to return to work, etc. TRAINING in how and when to do this is the most important part. I could see the teacher or staff arguing that you just don't understand since he does not do this for you, or talking behind your back and disbelieving that you are being honest. I can also see that if they feel you are blaming them for the behavior (THEY ARE WRONG) they are less likely to try to work with you to find a better way.
If you suggest MANDT training (it is expensive, but the district should be providing some type of training due to liability) they might go for it because it teaches them how to hold CORRECTLY if needed and that might appeal to them, and then they will realize that the first 10 hours of training is all about how to de-escalate WITHOUT touching.
I am always big on trying to work it out amicably because I believe results can be faster and often better. I believe in educating rather than condemning. However, if they persist in being stupid- and still touch your kid when you have told them not to- sue 'em.
Thanks Karolysgirl-
What is weird abt what you just said was that the packet at the beginning of the year from him said that Mandt procedures would be applied-so apparently this teacher has been trained in this?????I dont understand if he has had this training why he insists on doing this-maybee it is his thought that Bailey will run unless he has his hands on him-and yes he will if he is on his way to the timeout room;)LOLOLOLHmmmm...???I dont know. The principle had also hired some staff and explained to the team that maybee these new people could help with monitoring(this was at our last behavior meeting with the team)The behavior specialist was adament abt this spec ed tecaher handling ALL situations as he had been "trained in deescalation techniques" so agn I am just confused. I guess he is doing it fro a reason-I just have yet to figure out what it is, or Im not getting teh whoel story how serious things get-kwim? Either way I just wish he would talk to me and not sugar coat ANYTHING-then I could understand a bit better I think.
But hes upset with me now anyway for writing that letter-who knows maybee he has gotten into trouble because of this???I dont know???I mean he stayed just as late last night and went through everything with Bailey and I KNOW he care abt Bailey-so I think I hurt him somehow by writing the letter?? I even addressed teh letter to only him-so he had the option of just fixing hwta I had said, but no he CC'd it to everyone and wants to go over everything in the letter at the meeting?
I called another mother with a support group I am apart of and she explained to me that I need to work with them and that bringing him home is not such a bad thing-if hes not safe at school-she would rather her own child be home etc. She made it sound like a positive thing and said I shouldnt fight abt it-that it was a good thing taht fighting bat it is what they want to get me all rowled up-which I am sure they are expecting at the meeting.
So maybee I should just surprise them and go with it? Tell them i think its a good idea and that I would be happy to come and get MY child if they cant handle his behaviors-;)make it a not fun time for him, doing school work etc knowing taht his actiosn will not be a fun ticket home etc-I dont know-I guess Im second guesing myself now at this point-wondering if this would be better and stop all the hostility I created with the school staff. I mean they have taken the timeout room away and thats what I wanted.
Im going to go do some research abt this Mandt training.maybee what I witnessed was in line with this????
Thanks for tthe advice
Love ya,
Tammy
Wray and Karolysgirl -- You both have posted what a good placement would do for Bailey. As excellent, competent teachers, you both KNOW how Bailey's classroom should function for him. Clearly, the people working with him are INCOMPETENT. Their idea of discipline would be awful even he were NT. I'd RUN from that classroom and school if I could. Tammy cannot change them. I have NO hope that any amount of research is going to change a punitive, vindictive person who calls herself a teacher into someone who instantly understands good behavioral interventions let alone someone who has a CLUE about autism. This is a rotten class in a rotten school, no two ways about it. I agree that Tammy should tell them in no uncertain terms that she is NOT going to pick up her son. Period. Then, scramble around as fast as she can to get an advocate or lawyer to step in. If this situation could have been resolved by a parent, it would already have been. As it stands, I really believe only a lawyer or advocate (a barracuda) will do.Tzoya and Karolysgirl: I totally agree. She is going to need some help with this one.Have to join in the rant for just one minute:
Who was the f'n genius who came up with the "owing minutes" plan- like that has ever worked for anyone????
Ok, I feel slightly better, now lets rewrite that plan:
Bailey will earn 5 minutes of (computer, game, free, visiting, tv, you name the reward here) time for every 30 minutes of the school day that he keeps good personal space (hands off others) and expresses feelings appropriately (no name calling, big fits, throwing, kicking, hitting, etc.).
Now, IMHO this plan is probably too advanced for Bailey's current level. He would probably need more immediate rewards than this. Which is also why Einstein's "owing minutes" for bad behavior plan did not work. So:
Every moment I notice Bailey using personal space and expressing feelings appropriately, I give him a token (star, sticker, ticket, you name token reward here). As soon as he collects 3 of these he can trade them in for a bigger reward he really likes, and if he trades in 5 he can get a reward he really,really likes! Then I am constantly noticing him doing the right thing, and telling him that! (go figure, it is not rocket science). I also build into the day at least one or two NON CONTINGENT reinforcers such as recess and play time that cannot EVER be taken away no matter how "bad" he is.
There is research to support all this- PM me and maybe I can email you a couple of PDF files if you want em.
Thanks Tzoya for all that information.
One question-if it is not an "official" suspension-then it doesnt count towards the 10 days in which we would have to agn meet? Am I understanding this correctly? So it would be in Baileys best interest at this meeting on Monday-if they insist on me picking him up, then I would insist that it count towards an official suspension-so if it did accumilate to 10 days we would have to meet-whether they liked it or not-right?
So-I guess there is a thing as them just calling me to pick him up-and it not counting as anything-so this would essentially take them off the hook of everything-this makes sense if Im understanding things right. Making it an official suspension at least holds them accountable.
So I need to make this clear at the meeting.
Bailey is classified with Autism on his IEP-which I fought all last year for. He also has a psychiatrist diagnosis of PDD-NOS, Anxiety-NOS and ODD. When I talked with the Disability Law Center they told me that this would qualify(the scratching and poking)as a manifestation of his disability-no question. So It wouldnt be a problem as far as the manifestation meeting after the 10 days I dont think.
Baileys behavior since Tuesday has gone back to normal-so I guess it was the Thanksgiving break which contributed alot.-which I can sight for ESY services this summer.Normal as in the usual poking/bothering his neighbor and refusing Math work or help-just not so major.
Im going to see how this meeting goes on Monday-If they are not willing to work with me I will be seeing about different placement options. Im not going to relive last year-I WONT do it. One concern I do have is that Bailey is mainstreamed right now and doing very well academically-could a self contained classroom give him work like his NT grade level peers -or would they be sooo focused on behavior and let his academics drop-and then would that be a bad thing? If they got ahold of the behavior sheesh...I have no clue......Also another fear I have is once he is put into a self contained class-how easy would it be to get him out of there?????I guess since he is being mainstreamed the behaviors arent really getting the focus they need to be getting-instead focus is on academics.He goes out for resource in Reading and writing, and Speech and has help in class with Math but the focus is on Academics except for his resource social skills.
I guess the big question is 1.do I want to keep him mainstreamed and worry abt behavior all year-but see his grades drastically improve, and fight with the school abt behavior interventions 2. put him in self contained or other smaller classroom,watch his behaviors improve and academics drop and have them listen to my behavior suggestions and it not be a fight all year?
Isnt this basically the choice here? I honestly dont know what is best for Bailey.I just am scared if I do choose a more restricted placement that he will be just a behavior case and get lost in all that and they wont focus on gradees and Ill never be able to get the academics from him that I know he is capable of-does this make sense?
Maybee Im just in denial-maybee I keep thinking everything will go away-that he can succedd in a mainstreamed class when in actuality he is really failing misereably???So I keep him in there hoping that one day he will just blend in with all the other NT kids.....:(
Maybee THAT is the real problem here......:(Its me......being tehe problem
LOve ya,
Tammy
I would tell them you will NOT pick him up. PERIOD. If he is officially suspended, let them make it an in-house suspension. School districts have room specifically for kids who have been suspended in school. Not every parent can drop everything and pick the child up. The truth is, I think they will be FAR less likely to call you and kick Bailey out of school and far MORE likely to deal appropriately with his issues if they are not constantly being rewarded for failing themselves by you picking him up and taking them off his hands. Make no mistake. The teacher and the school now view Bailey as a huge headache and want to see him gone as much as possible. Don't reinforce their attitude by rewarding it by picking him up. At this point you WANT the 10 days to be official so that the disciplinary issue can be addressed at a Manifestation Hearing. Of course, at that point everyone will be discussing a change in placement, but the fact is that this placement is not right for Bailey, is it?
This year IDEA 2004 was aligned with No Child Left Behind. That means that no matter where a spec. ed. child is educated, he MUST be given the same curriculum as his peers and receive the same standardized testing. Only the lowest one or two percent of spec. ed. kids are exempted. The school is STILL made to include Bailey's standardized scores in their overall scores as a school and they DON'T want to be cited as a "school in need of improvement" so they WILL give him his academic challenges. The truth is that a child who is not having trouble academically will learn academics in any situation he's in. But a child who is having behavioral trouble will NOT learn to behave appropriately if he's not being taught in the right placement with a qualified teacher. You can always supplement his 3 r's at home (we did with our son) but school is where he'll learn to behave in society. That is where ALL kids learn that. You can't recreate the real world in your home, but you can pracitice readin', writin' and 'rithmetic there if you have to.
Thanks Tzoya-
Youve given me alot to think abt here-as usuall;) You make sense, but what if your child doesnt WANT to change anything, this is also a concern of mine as well-Bailey wants the same teacher, same spec ed teacher, same kids who are mean and dont understand him. He doesnt want or like any sort of change-change is BAD-you know what im talkin abt here.......Ive talked to him abt it and this is what he says" I want to stay with Mrs. X!!!!!!" etc.....Doesnt want to talk abt it even-ist just not gunna happen deal-kwim?
Love ya,
tammy
He and every single other ASD child who ever existed HATES change. But that doesn't mean things have to remain the same. I don't know what the options are, but those options have to be chosen based on Bailey's long-term best interests. Don't ever let him hear you say anything bad about his current placement. The LAST thing you want him to think if he ends up moving is that somehow he caused it and it's some sort of punishment, which it's not. The decision about where Bailey will be educated has got to be based on his best interests, not in his inability to accept change gracefully. When the time comes to make the change, you'll be able to manage it with him. Learning how to prepare him for change is a skill you must develop in any event because life changes all the time and you'll have to be ablet to help him handle it and learn copijng skills. ALso, the decision of what the right placement will be has not yet been made. Perhaps it includes being where he is at least parttime. What IS clear is that the situation as it exists currently STINKS and I really believe that it's because the placement is not right for him. Least Restrictive Environment does not mean mainstreaming at all costs. Right now, being in the mainstream is costing Bailey A LOT. LEast Restrictive Environment means the environment closest to the mainstream in which the child can LEARN. How can Bailey learn if he's always disruptive and always being removed from the learning environment. There are many reason why he's nto learning, most of which COULD be fixed if the school WANTED to fix these things, but clearly they don't. He'd be FAR better off in an environment where the people WANT to meet his needs. ALL his needs. Your job is now to discover what environment that will be.Have the stopped to think that maybe for this child, or any child, that staying after school for 63 minutes is going to cause alot of frustration. That is for any child, but especially a child with ASD who is on a schdule in his little head and when it's time to go home, it's time to go home. None of us like to be caught off guard and have to do over an hours worth of something we don't want to do. And probably don't understand why we are doing. Dang, he probably thought they were holding him hostage. I doubt he understood the length of all that time. And if they know so much about ASD, then don't they know that consequences and rewards should be immediate. Not accured in terms of minutes and carried out later. What the heck did they expect him to do for a whole 63 minutes? You were much better than me. I would have gone in an physically gotten my child, and told this special ed teacher he could call the police or whatever he wanted to do, but Bailey's time was finished at school for that day.
You don't need to care if the sp ed teacher likes you are not. Your job nor his job is to be friends. It's your job to be Bailey's mother and advocate for his best interest, which you did. It's his job to be a sp ed teacher and implement appropriate strategies for ASD, which he is not doing and feeling the heat from when he receives letters. Most parents just say screw it, it's too hard to deal with and they let the school system win. Sometimes, we don't know what to do with parents who really advocate for thier child.
I personally and professionally would rather my child be restrained or whatever Karolysgirl called it in he state, it's called something different in mine. I would much rather that be implemented with my child than the time out room if he is hurting himself in there. Clearly, he does not understand. I would tell them that if they put him in that time out room agian, you will be calling the police for child endangerment and calling the local news and newspaper to get the word out the school locks an ASD child into a room who hurts himself when he is in there instead of finding an appropriate way to deal with it. Their new strategy is to call you to come pick him up, they are doing that to inconvience you. I know they are, I have seen it done before. That is the only reason why they would want you to come get him, so you can stop what you are doing and deal with it since you won't let them do it thier way. Well, they need to find a new way. I am sure that Tzoya has given good info about an advocate or lawyer. You don't need that spill again.
I don't really know what to tell you to do, things you've already done and things people have told you to do on here. You know everything I am ranting about, I guess I am just sharing in your frustration.
I suppose I would tell them not to call you unless they are going to formally suspend your child. That is the only way you are coming to get him. Otherwise, dont call you back and don't use the time out room. Period. End of dicussion. Then they can only do that for up to 10 days and then it 's documented that they made you come and get him and then a lawyer can eat that up that they are suspending a child with ASD instead of having a more appropriate BIP in place. What is the point of the BIP if they aren't going to follow it anyway.
UGGHHH! I am just ranting with you and I'm sorry. But I just don't understand how some school officals and professionals just don't get it. I mean, is he so totally different than any child they have to deal with? You seriously need an advocate. I don't think you are going to fix it until you get someone else in there on your side. Otherwise, they are going to continue to push you around and push Bailey around.
[QUOTE=Wray]Their new strategy is to call you to come pick him up, they are doing that to inconvience you. I know they are, I have seen it done before. [/QUOTE]
I have seen this happen before too.
Thank you all for your advice.
I can tell you right now what they are going to say at this meeting- "well.... what do you suggest instead?" And this right there I have a problem with-I just find it Stupid-just plain stupid that I am having to come up with suggestions to punish my child when the interventions I have listed for them that would help- OT suggestions( which was also in the letter) etc-havent been listed to to stop his behaviors from getting out of control to begin with-kwim?
From what I have read if they feel punishment has to be used because he is now hurting them and being physical-then they have missed something in the process-some clues or interventions they should have put into place to simmer things down before hand-but they dont want to hear that and they just want to deal with the aftermath and punish him.
I found a sight: The Center for Evidence Based Practise online and it is funded by the dept of Ed and it stated the qualifications of Punishment and then discipline. The timeout room clearly is definded by their terms as punishment-so I will be showing this to them at the meeting. See them try and wiggle out of that-LOLOLOL-but they will try-LOLOLOL
Im also going to call my state Autism Specialist at the Dept of Ed this afternon-see what she has to say abt all of this......Ill throw her name in at the meeting too-LOLOLOL-coulddt hurt-right?
Thanks everyone-sometimes it just so nice to hear you all agree with me-to see the wrongs going on. Sometimes I feel like its just me seeing thin crazy. You all give me the courage I need. {{HUGS}}
LOve ya,
Tammy
Karolysgirl-your box is full-but Id love any info I could print out and read to them-its got to me written for them to listen-so that would be great if you had anything.
I just called the Parent Center and they told me the door cannot be locked for safety reasons(the behavior specialist is going to love this-she told me it was alwasy open and that the spec ed teacher was alwasy to be in there)Also they cannot threaten me that if I dont allow the timeout room to come and get him if they havent even done an FBA(which I have been requesting for a year)
Okay here is my plan:
as of now Ive got 1. sheet formally requesting an FBA -I would consider coming to get him If I thought they had performed this and were trying to find out the CAUSE of his behavior.
2. An outline -abt escalating behavior in Bailey( what gets him going-how he can be stopped without escalating the behavior)
3. That Punishment/ Discipline sheet
4. Questions on their so called POSITIVE plans they have tried with him
5. My previous letter asking why no OT suggestions have been implimented as requested by the OT(whom I still need to call)
How does this sound?
LOve ya,
Tammy