I’m back | Autism PDD
Hello to everyone I am back. I am so sorry that I lost touch with all of you but a lot has been going on in my life and I do not know where to begin. Well my son was enrolled in his new school in La Crosse on Sept. 5th and it was the hardest thing I ever did in my life. I fought to keep him at home with me but as most of you know he was overpowering me and I was actually starting to fear my son for the first time in my life. Well the day we had brought him I prepared myself for the worst and it was nothing like my dreams. I had dreamt him chasing after me and screaming and crying and I looked back to see this and him being held back as we looked at each other through the window. Yes at first he was combative when we got there he did not know what was going on or where we were. He did not want to enter the building and once inside he wanted to exit. Finally some staff came and walked with up and down the halls which is one of his favorite things. His dad and I then went to his enrollment meeting and when we were done and went to find him he had already decided he liked it and I tried to be big and strong and I told him I loved him and that I would be back to see him in 2 weeks. He just kept wandering the halls and we left I making sure not to look back so he could see the tears streaming down my face. The ride home silence. Not much too say, feeling like the only thing holding us together is gone. Now what? Still unsure over a month later. I work fulltime now and he works 3rd still so we basically see each other in passing. When we do see each other we really don't have much to say and if we do it ends up in an arguement.
Well back to my son. I was promoted to secretary at my work from a driver and the opportunity came up for me to deliver some blood to the hospital in La Crosse because we could not find anyone on that day. So I gladly offered as I knew I would only be a mile from my son. I got to pop in and when I did I actually witnessed my son wearing tennis shoes for the first time in years. Only sandals would do usually. I also saw him drinking from a water fountain on his own. He had never done this before. He turned around and saw me and had this blank look on his face and I thought oh my gosh he doesn't remember me. Then he walked over and set my purse on the floor meaning he wanted me to stay and he took my hand with our fingers intertwined and walked the halls for over and hour. It was late and time for him to go back to his duplex and me to get back to work with the company van. It was more difficult to leave that time but I assured him I would be back on Sat. with dad. I broke free and kept going no looking back. When we down on that Sat. we brought our two nieces 12 and 13 and we had the best time ever. We took CJ for pizza and when we got back he was so cooperative about getting out of the car and going back. Boy we had a wonderful time we met alot of the kids and my nieces said they wish they could live there. We played catch with a bunch of the kids in the courtyard and watch them ride there bikes. One gave my niece a ride in a wagon. I have to say I find it hard to leave there I love each kid I have met and they give me hugs and beautiful smiles. The staff is amazing. They are great with the kids and for fighting placing my son in a residential school I could not have asked for a better more homier place than this. They are the Harvard of schools for the Autistic! Each time I go to visit I am blown away by the progress my son is making. This past Wed. a couple people from the school my son will once again attend when he comes home and I went for his IEP and I had the chance to peek inside his classroom and witness him sitting at a table participating in a task and getting a reward of a cookie and eating it. My son was only attending school here at home for 5 to 30 min. 2 times a week and we spent that just trying to get him into and to stay in the room. Big stuff here. On Friday night my mom and I drove 3 hrs. to go get him for his first home visit and it has been the best. He slept Fri. which I really thought he would be too excited to do. I heard him get up on Sat. morn. and go to the bathroom. I shot up out of bed to help him and he did not put up any fights for bath time. Infact he took 3 on Sat. he actually sat down and played liked he used too! Before he went away we were having major problems getting him even into the bathroom it took both of us to do it and we ended up with war wounds. Are you ready for this one I had to feed him everything except for his pizza and cookies. Anything off a fork or spoon I had to feed him and he was on a pizza kick for the last 2 months before school where that is the only thing I was able to get him to eat. Well for breakfast I made him pancakes and 2 pieces of cinnamon toast as well as a little bowl of cookie crisp cereal (dry) and a can of ensure. I put it at the table and remember he would never sit to eat I had to chase him for every bite. Well he kept going over and would sit then wander but by the time I finished my makeup and came out to check on him it was gone but for the last 2 bites of pancakes and some of his cereal. We then went to my sisters for my little nieces 3rd birthday and he snacked up a storm. When we got home I heard him open a bag of dorrito's his dad had been snacking on earlier and he started to eat them. He has never liked chips or helped himself to anything other than soda or cookies. For supper I made one of his fav. no not pizza, Spaghetti!! I put it on the table with a fork and guess what? 10 min later I caught him sitting at the table on his own eating the spaghetti. He actually used a fork and although most of it fell off as he is still quite aukward with it I cried I could not take my eyes off of him and what I was seeing. My boy is getting so big and independent and I am so very proud of him and his accomplishments. I got out the video camera as I had to savor this moment forever. God how I love him and miss him. I will be taking him back tomorrow and I hope it is ok with him. I am hoping he finally realizes I will come back and I would never forget him or abandon him. He has had some tough times at school too! He has recently been moved in with the girls as he was targeting the boys. He has grown up with my nieces around and they are all verbal in his unit and are better able to understand and communicate to get out of the way if need be where as the boys were all non verbal and more unaware of the situation around them. They say he made the transition well and I this one girl Brittany is such a blessing. I ran into her in the school hallway before observing CJ in his classroom the other day and I said, "Hi Brittany" and she said, "who are you" I told her, "I am CJ's mommy remember?" She said, "oh yeah, CJ is in our unit now, and he got me on the neck!" (scratched her) I asked her if she was mad at him for doing that and she said, " No he did it because he was sad because he missed you." That broke my heart. I then asked her if she takes care of CJ for me and she said to me, "Yeah, I do!" She then wrapped her arms around me and I could not help but feel love for this girl and I could not hold back the tears. When we picked CJ up on Fri. she came running right to me with open arms and I introduced her to my mom and she hugged her as well. That is really all I have to report at this time except that I had my internet, cable and phone disconnected to cut back on costs with my son gone and me not being home that much. I found out I just could not live with out my internet anymore because that was my connection to you all. My support system. Thank you all for listening to my story I hope it catches you all up and I look forward to hearing from you all. Vcuddy I am thinking of you and Justin and hope all is well with you both. You are always in my prayers. Serenity I hope all is well with you and your family as well. It has been so long please catch me up all of you.
So glad to hear of your wonderful update and how great CJ is doing at his new school. You are a very strong person to be able to let your son go to be able to have a better and more fulfilling life. I was also glad that you will be able to eventually have him back home with you and your husband. Be strong and know that all the longing and lonliness for him will sometime be worth it to see him learning and having a more meaningful life. God bless you and your husband. Merry
I have been wondering where you disappeared to! I'm so happy to hear that CJ is doing so well! He has made some big accomplishments! You are such a loving, and courageous mom. I'm glad you're back. Keep us updated! 
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