Tzoya is right about this situation being a difficult to call without really knowing the situation. I wasn't goint to post anything at all, but I then decided to just say one thing.
Unless the teacher is doing something wrong, the school is going to support her. There are alot of schools that don't let parents into the classrooms unless it's certain hours of the day. You are probably not the only parent of a child in that school that is being stopped. Even though your's has special needs, a school policy is a school policy.
I know that in my school and the school where my sis in law is asst principal, we are really having to crack down on people stopping at the office and not going any further due to the situations in schools the past 2 weeks.
You have to remember that there are other chlidren in that classroom. My experience in a classroom with those same aged children and the same disability (although they are all different) has led me to believe that when a parent does enter the room, all the routine is is thrown off for all children. Having an extra person, much less a parent, really makes it hard to continue with a schedule. I had this same thing happen when I was teaching in this classroom. I finally had to ask the principal to ask the mom not to come unless asked. She was just coming in and hanging out all day. She wanted to volunter, but after giving her everything I could think of for days upon days, it really became more of a distractor. This parent wasn't even there out of concern for her child. Just simply because she was bored. But having that extra person, and another child's parent made the classroom dynamics be totally off. Sometimes parents must look at things from the big picture.
Now, all that being said, I am not interested in a debate. I am not at all implying that I think the school has done nothing wrong. Or that things aren't happening in that classroom to cause regression. You have put a lot of time and effort into getting your daughter where she is right now. And I can only imagine how precious that is to you. I can totally understand the need to make sure nothing jeapordizes that. I am not there and have not observed what is going on. You obviously have reasons for concern. And there is no reason for someone to treat you the way you have been treated. There is no reason for anything to be happening in your child's education that shold cause regression. I am really sorry that you are having to go through something like this as is your daughter. I was just simply trying to give you some other things to think about. Please please please don't take this to me I don't think you have stated some very valid concerns.
Sometimes, yes, people within the school system can have alot of pull. When that happens, it's really bad sometimes. I had an aide whose family was big in the school. It caused alot of problems for me as the teacher. So much, I left the school when I had a chance for another job. Things like this are very unfortunate. It did not matter who I talked to. Or what I said. That energy would have been better spent on something else.
Sometimes it's hard to see things from the other side. Thanks Wray for pointing that out. Good luck lalepooh I know how hard this must be.
We really don't have any trouble with the IEP, I have fought and she now receives OT and they extended the time for ST. However, we are having a problem with just the school in general. I have a son in this system also, and am very pleased with the results. however, with my daughter in mind, the developed a highly structured classroom (which was called the autism room until Ms. P tore me apart at the meeting.) then she renamed it. It is almost institutionalized and my daughter regresses, cries when she comes to school, etc. Last year I took her to the class after three weeks of pure hell on her, and I put my foot down. I was going to stay until she was better and then leave, within three weeks, she ran into the classroom. Since this time, I have started my masters and been trained in Charlottesville on ABA, etc. I worked with her over the summer and she is a completely different child now. As I am a completely different parent, and will not let them traumatize and let her go into regression. (She is now talking and tantrums are at a minimum.)
The first week of school, the teacher and I agreed she would be better if I bought her as to shape her behavior, and it was successful last year. The second week of school I was met in the hall by a ST and her teacher and was told she was behind on her schedule cards, and would need to be dropped off at the office for now on. This was only for my daughter as I spend too much time in the classroom. they have also asked for him to be dropped off, leaving no parents having contact with the classroom, but she refuses.
When they met me at the school, the tried to grab my daughter from me and said she was better off. I immediately left and took her out for the week. Not one person from the school bothered to contact me. I contacted a county official to find out what I needed to do, as all trust was lost with her teacher. (I really feel like this benefitted the school not the child!) We had a meeting and agreed they would see if they had another class she could be placed in. At the solution meeting, they bought in Ms. P, who in so many words put everyone of my family down, praised the teacher for sticking up for herself, said she could not be moved and refused me a due porcess saying I did not know anything.)
Well...I fought and wouldn't budge. I could not let her regress which the first week she regressed at home and stopped eating. Plus, none of the aides or teacher are verbal, leaving She with no one to mimic, which she is now doing. Also, the children were not sociable, and she has begin playing with other children, so clearly this was not the right setting for her. Ms. P then told me the that they decide least restictive not me. (She was not happy I knew the term!) She said we also can't pick the teachers, it dodn't matter that we discussed soemthing and the teacher did other wise and that casued distrust, I explained to her that it means everything when she is with my daughter 6 hours a dfay if I don't trust the teacher. Plus, paretns have been asked not to visit or go to the room???!!! I explained to Ms. p that children with autism only benefit from parents seeing and understanding the classroom, so we can do things at home for generalization purposes. She said I had no proof. this went on forever, adn as we were ready to walk out, ms. pletke leaving a very nasty taste in my mouth with School County, (Asstprinicipal, or as Ms. P gave her a titla of buidlingasmistrator) said she would find a class, but if it didn't work, then they had no were for Ali., She also we one record stating this was to her not the best decsiion for ALi.)
So, we moved her to the new class, with 9 other children her age and she is doing great. However, we feel they are getting ready to start pushing for ALi to enter the other room again,a s it takes time to tech her to use a spoons as listed on the IEP. I thought this was a tratit on developmentally delayed not just autism...
Anywyas...Ms. P said she will be at the IEP meetings for now on, and frankly the woman was ridivudlous. She devalued me as a parent and even went as far as putting down my mother and husband. She called herslef the mediator but was unable to listen to anything and was totally for the school. (Her teacher who bought all this on never aplogized and the school felt no worng doing. I explained it as someone trying to take my child away. The teachers family is dominant in the school system, however I have a probelm with a first year teacher being able to make decisions such as this.)
Anyways, I want to get ready for battle, as even though she is running in the room and sitting next to classmates, they are still hesistant. It has created an unwelcomign environment for me taking both my chidren to school, and I am not sending thjem on the bus. I want to know what they are wokring on each day etc. i have not went patr time and quit my full time job, spent all summer doing ABA etc to have them let her regress.
Supposedly the autism specialist is back, and I am afraid they will get him to say its best for her to be dropped off at the office. (I shape all her behaviors and spend so mcuh time....then to have them throw her in a tantrum to suit themselves and have her hate school the rets of her life! I still don't see where the teacher was coming from. I still don't understand why parents are encouraged not to visit and ignored! Ugh!!!
Well...more to com but this is just the starter of it all...Also, please keep in mind I am usually really easy going. My son has done great. He is almost 4, and she will be 3 at Christmas.
What state are you in?
I am astounded that the school system is refusing to let a ABA trained parent have more input, even here they welcome parent interaction, I have even been offered to volunteer in the classroom.
I really have no advice for you, I think you know far more than I already about the workings of the process. BUT I can relate to what you are going through and only wish to add that I completely identify with feeling as though your child's and your relationship is too damaged to move forward with the current situation. I also feel that establishing that relationship with your childs educators is crucial for her educational process.
I am sorry you are going through this, and I am wishing you much luck and positive thoughts!
So sorry. It's hard to give advice without being there. SO much depends on the group dynamics. If you must, don't hesitate to consult with an advocate. Perhaps a pro can give you some advice, not just for the IEP but for interaction. Or she might be able to go to the Sped Head and get her to get Ms. P to behave better. SO sorry.