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stickboy26
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| Posted: May 24 2007 at 8:15am | IP Logged
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I'm seeing several posts here mentioning meltdowns and the confusion and general disorder that they can bring about. And while no one has directly asked about it that I've seen, I'm going to take the initiative and dig up a post I made on AW about two months ago which diagrams, to the best of my ability, what happens during one of these so-called "fits."
While I have the full intent of helping anyone I can with this post, I think I'm in need of doing it today mostly because I've been on the brink for several weeks straight and I really need to get the feelings off my chest. So I'll either be helping or ranting, one or the other.... 
-3/3/08- OK I went and got the consolidated version of this from my writing composition, so it won't be spread all over this thread.
OK, here’s what seems like another signature characteristic of autistic kids: those massive tantrums and physical rebuttals that you see on Oprah and 20/20. What on Earth could be up with that?
Well let’s see if I can shed some light. First thing's first, keep in mind that "meltdowns" (outward tantrum-like or otherwise vicious outbursts) or more often in my case, "shutdowns" (inward withdrawal from surroundings) are extremely terrifying to the person who exhibits them because they are the direct result of the person getting disconnected or disoriented in respect to his world as he knows it.
I will try to diagram one of these "meltdowns" from my own viewpoint.
Let’s start by taking a look at my comfort zone. I basically lack, to some degree, the natural ability to cue from other people in order to determine my actions. So in order to not become disoriented or confused amid a group of people who are interacting comfortably with one another, I need to get a firm grasp on what's going on around me. This is usually accomplished by being aware of the possible outcomes of my actions in a given set of circumstances. Any "unknowns" (i.e. elements of a situation which I haven't yet taken into consideration) must be dealt with before anything else can be accomplished, because only when I am in complete knowledge of my surroundings can I proceed without fear.
When you suddenly change the plans, rules, environment, etc., you suddenly throw in a multitude of these "unknowns" simultaneously, which must then be simultaneously dealt with in order to maintain composure. I say "simultaneously" because it is often necessary to instantly make an appropriate response in order to avoid causing drama, which means the window for processing is very short -- often 2 seconds or less. At some point my mind becomes overloaded with details and goes into what amounts to a short-circuit or, in the sense of a computer, a "freeze-up." At this point I will "shut down," or basically cease to interact. I know I can no longer cope with my surroundings so I tune them out, figuring that any further reaction to them will be an incorrect or inappropriate one.
Now at this point one of three things will happen: either 1) I will process the new information within 5 or 6 seconds, respond as best I can, and use one of my scripts to save face; 2) if I cannot snap out of it within a few seconds, the other people will become disinterested and leave me be (in which case I will process the new scenario, recover, and try to rejoin the group again at that point); OR 3) someone will force the issue, and demand that I respond, not knowing that I have lost connection with my train of thought. Remember that since I have few natural social skills, the ones I exhibit are the result of careful planning, stored information, and repetition. Thus, with stored information blacked out, I am suddenly thrust into an alien world when expected to make any type of immediate outward relation to another person. Now I am forced to figure out a socially appropriate response without my mental database of scripts to draw from. When that happens my mind races so quickly that it does not grasp onto anything, and the resulting outburst you see is nothing more, and nothing less, than the frustration associated with being in a seemingly no-win situation that can't be escaped. I say "no-win" because it's basically a given that if I make a response at that point it will be an inappropriate one, and if I do not respond at all (i.e. remain in shut down mode) the party addressing me will incorrectly deduce that I am insulted or that I disapprove of what they have told me. Thus the frustration you see is usually the result of not knowing what to do and having no way to gather the needed information in time, rather than being the result of the actual thing that was said or done.
It's analogous to the girl in the horror movie who screams maniacally because the monster is about to eat her and she is backed into a corner with nowhere to run except into the monster's jaws. Only in my case, the figurative "monster" is invisible, and when I react to what is very real to me, no one else can really see or relate to it and so it appears that I am grossly overreacting to a less significant, but more visible, incident. What happens is basically the people around me displace the feeling of "lost-ness," to which I am actually reacting, to the visible situation that apparently caused the outburst. Back to the analogy, if the monster in the horror movie were not visible it might appear as though the woman were screaming because she had reached a corner, and moviegoers might similarly believe this to be an over-reaction because she could seemingly just go in a different direction. They would not realize why she was really pinned into the corner.
Once I began to realize the effect that these shutdowns and meltdowns had on other people, I began to go out of my way to find ways of avoiding them. I would be willing to bet that other autistic people, whether it be by non-compliance or over-compliance, are making a nonverbal effort to avoid this terrifying situation, especially since a person reacting to it will inevitably compound the problem by making a further environmental change (trying to "help") rather than rewinding or pausing the situation (depending on circumstances) to allow for processing.
SO WHAT CAN BE DONE?
First of all, remember that meltdowns are ten times as horrific to the person doing it than they are to the people observing it, so punishing the behavior is unnecessary. Trust me when I tell you I don't do it for attention or to force my way. The panic I feel is involuntary and simply has to be dealt with in the right manner in order to keep it from overtaking me completely.
The key thing to remember about a full-scale meltdown is that once it is in full force, it is too late to rationalize with the person concerning the issue that apparently set it off. Why? Because the reason for the panic is not what you think it is. He is not throwing a fit because he doesn't want to do what you told him. Rather, it is because he has become disoriented and lost in all of the sensory input. As a result, he cannot resolve the fact that you appear dissatisfied with what he is currently doing. So seeing no other recourse, he becomes gripped with anxiety, panics, and melts down -- and will not be able to regain composure until he can figuratively get his feet back on solid ground. That means that if you try and resolve the situation by punishing him, scolding him, or forcing him through the task you've given him, you're only going to make him progressively more frantic because all he is going to see is that you are becoming progressively more displeased. The person has to first calm down before anything else can happen. The fit has to literally de-escalate in the reverse order in which it happened. In other words, if the meltdown happened in this order:
change in plans--->question/resistance-->zone out-->tantrum
then it can only de-escalate as such:
tantrum--->zone out-->question/resistance-->change in plans
In other words, if I'm having a meltdown, I must first CALM DOWN. Nothing is rational during a full meltdown, so don't even try. Hold me, rock me, reassure me, lock me in a padded room, whatever, but don't ask anything else of my mind -- at this point it just does not exist.
Once I calm down, now the tricky part -- where did the problem begin? I have to re-trace my steps to that point and re-boot. This is where so many people make the mistake of displacing the problem. In order to continue from where I was before the situation got ugly, I have to go back to the point NOT immediately prior to the outward meltdown, but rather, back to the point at which I first showed trouble. This point is usually marked by a question or a look of utter confusion or exasperation. It's vitally important to re-trace steps. If I can accomplish this (it can be done more quickly with the help of at least one patient or un-offended person), then all I have to do is re-compute, which means going back to the process described at the beginning of this chapter -- I re-assess my circumstances and once again become aware of the possible outcomes of my actions in this new set of circumstances. Once I have done this I will be functional once again, and will do well if all memory of the past few minutes is erased as completely as possible. Any references to my previous behavior will put further doubt into my mind as to my level of acceptance and cause me to be much more reserved (in essence prolonging the shut down period), which means keeping me on edge and thus much less fun to be around.
So to make a long story shorter, if you don't want the meltdowns to happen, you must prevent the panic and frustration from erupting in the first place. Eruption can usually be avoided by recognizing the warning signs:
*Sudden and dramatic increase in stimming behavior (caused by a sudden feeling of alarm or panic)
*Zoning out (can be misconstrued as refusal to comply)
*Asking analytical questions when a change of plans or sudden command is issued (can be misconstrued as arguing or back-talking)
*Muttering to oneself (this is a means of "thinking out loud." Think of it as a sort of an auditory stim, and a means of getting one's bearings in an emotional sense. Parents -- if you can't understand what he's saying, don't assume it's personal and call him out on it. You'll pull the trigger.
If you observe these signs it can help matters if you'll give some time for processing. I know a lot of parents want immediate compliance, but sometimes this is beyond our emotional threshold. I always found that it helped me considerably if I was told way ahead of time if there was a big "to-do" coming up, and periodically reminded about it. Predictability can do wonders. I got better when I learned to tell time. I wore a watch around from the time I was in first grade, and even before that, I consistently used a clock as my guide. As long as I could predict when things were going to happen, it was easier to plan my perseverations in accordance. Often my mom would warn me 30 minutes to an hour in advance of mealtime, bath time, and bedtime, especially if the planned times deviated from the norm. Because of this, I think it would help any autistic person if they are given a watch as soon as they are able to comprehend numbers. Once they learn how to tell time, their watch will be a valuable tool in preventing the meltdowns that happen because of predictable or routine events. That will free up the parent to deal only with the more spontaneous events, and it will allow the child more time to focus on them as well.
I never really resented doing as I was told, but sometimes a sudden command went completely against my mental script for the day, so doing it required a new script, which usually took some time to formulate. In short, a person who is exhibiting the aforementioned warning signals is telling you that some down time is needed and should be allowed.
Let me say, at this point, that I noticed when I worked with preschoolers that some kids, especially those on the low end of the spectrum, tend to seemingly go into meltdown instantly, without the warning signs, and I think it may be that they have not yet developed the mental lines of defense that, in my case, came from wanting to please others and realizing that outward tantrums accomplished just the opposite.
Now mind you, I'm not saying that your child should be allowed to not obey in order to avoid meltdowns. What I'm saying is, see if you can get to the root of why a particular command set the person off. Rest assured that there is a deeper reason than him just not wanting to comply, and it probably has something to do with him not being able to process the amount of information that was thrust upon him at once -- but more on that later.
Some people mention their children hiding in bedrooms, closets, bathrooms, etc. either during or after having meltdowns. Although all autistics are different and I can’t speak for all of them, I know that if I were hiding in a secluded area after a meltdown it would be for one of two reasons:
1) I need to be away from the people I've been around in order to calm down. These people are either causing the meltdown directly, or making it worse by forcing me to respond to them while I'm emotionally/mentally incapacitated.
2) I am aware of the uproar that my behavior has caused and am afraid to face my peers because I assume they are still mad at me for it. If they are, and they question me about it, it could re-ignite the meltdown -- which I want to avoid at any cost -- so since I can't go out there, the only thing I know to do is seclude myself for as long as possible. The more time that elapses between my tantrum and my return will be more of a buffer to the other kids' memory, and maybe if I stay away long enough, they'll forget it completely or be out of the mood to talk about it by the time I return.
In the case of Scenario #2, the child has begun to realize that his actions are not appropriate. He is also realizing that he does not know how to control the behavior. This is where self image begins to come in and it can be a breeding ground for anxiety and depression. If the person is beginning to hide himself from others, the first and foremost thing to do is give him his space. When he does come back (and he will), make sure he knows that he is still accepted. You can always address the thing that initially upset him at a later time. Just remember that he is having as much trouble coping with this as you are, and the last thing you want is for him to begin to feel like he is expendable or unwanted.
Now, before I go any further, I know I am inevitably going to encounter a critic such as this one I got on an autism message board:
“This is... interesting..., but I don't see where you discussed meltdowns. I can see where when you shut down that is painful for you to deal with, and difficult for those around you that don't understand what is happening, but it's the complete opposite response to what a meltdown is...
I would describe a meltdown as a monster tantrum, which is almost impossible to stop. My son is so out of control of his decisions by the time he has reached a meltdown, that he will bang his head with force into a window, or bang his head on a concrete floor and will not physically feel the pain. He will scream, bite, throw, hit, head bang and have no concept he is hurting himself or any one in his way...
People often use the word meltdown, in situations where it's something much milder, and dilutes what a true meltdown is. If you've seen a child have a major meltdown, where they're either going to injure themselves or someone close by, you won't have to ask if it's a meltdown, it's very obvious.”
OK. While this is a very understandable viewpoint from someone whose child has the more violent type reactions, I must make one point very clear, because this is important to know:
Meltdown, or basically full-scale panic, is where all the feelings that I described are pushed beyond the capacity for reasonable thought, and it all boils over into what is usually described as a tantrum. The often unheeded "shut down" or "zone out" phases are often a prequel to this, and are usually the last line of defense, which is all too often shattered by a further stimulus, thus pulling the trigger.
I think at this point that I have adequately described the lack of environmental awareness and responsiveness, as well as the outburst itself. I think what many people don’t immediately catch is how the shutting down, zoning out, and "backtalking" (which I described in much lengthier detail) can factor into and lead up to the more visible outward tantrum or outburst.
Once the person's emotions have boiled over, and he is in full-scale panic, the only thing you can do is freeze frame the situation and allow it to pass. You can't actually communicate with your child when he is in this condition. Once he comes out of it he will revert back to the shut down stage, which is where you can begin to bring him (or he can begin to bring himself) back to earth.
As I said (and I'm not assuming that any particular kid applies here) some kids on the very low end of the spectrum seemed to go off into meltdown immediately without showing any cognitive warning signs at all. Regardless of why this occurs, I am fairly certain that these sudden meltdowns are for similar, albeit simpler reasons, and should probably be dealt with in the same way, as calming down was still always the first vital step with these children in the recovery process.
Also, remember this: there is always a noticeable outward expression of some sort when I use the term "meltdown," but different kids/people express it in different ways, and this is mainly due to individual disposition. Regardless of how the tantrum manifests itself, however, the emotion is the same: gripping fear, panic, or anguish sufficient to obstruct rational thought or logical reasoning. Just because one kid is throwing himself through walls or windows does not mean that he is not equally as inconsolable as the kid who is simply screaming on the floor or crying secretly in his room. And thus, the problem must be dealt with in the same manner, regardless of what it looks like from the outside.
BE CAREFUL NOT TO MISCONSTRUE WHAT YOU ARE SEEING!!!
When dealing with a tantrum or rebuttal, it is important to view the issue from an autistic point of view rather than an NT point of view. It is very easy to relate these tantrums to those of NT children, which are often caused by the child not getting his way or not getting to do what he wants to do, when he wants to do it. And it can certainly appear this way with an autistic child (e.g. you tell him to get off the swing and he does not respond. You then make him get off the swing and he falls to the ground kicking and screaming).
Tempting and sensible as it may seem, try not to buy into this misconception because it is very often not the case at all. It's an entirely different viewpoint with an autistic child going into a meltdown. Take a closer look at the incident: did the child know how long he would be allowed to swing? Why did he want to swing? Was he perseverating on the swing, and if so, was his perseveration satisfied yet when you forced him off of the swing? How long did you give him to process the fact that he would not get to finish what he was doing? Was it long enough? How long does it normally take him to process a new set of instructions when they are suddenly given to him? If you do not know the answers to these questions, then it's likely that getting to know your child's tendencies a little better could prevent a large number of these meltdowns, because you will be better able to prevent him from losing touch with his environment.
It's really not so much about getting your way. I understood early on that I couldn't always have what I wanted, and I always factored that into the equation as I saw appropriate, depending on the circumstances. It seems to me that in NT children, on the other hand, getting what you want is sometimes a power play for them, so they will often scheme to get their way as sort of an achievement over the barrier of authority. NTs do this all the way through adulthood. It is part of the natural process of self-assertiveness, and while it evolves as the child ages through adolescence and adulthood, the basic principle remains the same.
From an autistic perspective, however, the goal is almost solely on regulating environmental stimuli and being able to predict what these stimuli will be and when they will occur. I never gave a rat's ass (pardon the expression) where I stood on the hierarchy of dominance and authority. All that ever mattered to me was that I was in control of my own environment and could prepare to deal with any and all environmental stimuli. Only when things are more or less in order from that perspective will I be comfortable, regardless of whether I'm the boss, the ring-leader, or the mere lackey. So, when dealing with a meltdown (or the warning signs preceding it), what you are seeing is a person whose environmental stimuli are becoming too numerous or overwhelming for him to organize and prioritize. In a low functioning child this set of stimuli may not range past seeing his blocks lined up in a particular way or keeping the string on the mini-blinds in constant motion, while for a higher functioning child it may be a complex and intricate array of internal as well as external aspects. In the latter case, these factors are sometimes interchangeable through the correct use of words, which may explain why it is sometimes easier to coax a higher functioning child back away from the threshold of meltdown than it is for a child with "classic" autism. Generally the less verbal the child is the more tactile their comforting stimuli are. With the highly verbal ones sometimes words and wording can present discomfort more so than the actual request that is presented. They may be melting down because you didn't deliver your request in a manner they could quickly process, then forced a response before they were ready, rather than because they didn't get their way. In nonverbal kids their comfort zone is extremely tactile and physical, so they may be melting down because you had to take their toy away, move them, or otherwise presented a physical sensation that they were not ready to process. I have experienced both of these types of discomfort, so I am assuming that if I were nonverbal I would only be experiencing the physical ones.
So simply put, while the child seemingly reacts to not getting what he wants and not getting to do what he wants to do, he is actually reacting to having trouble regulating himself and his environment, and the extra demands put on him disrupt that or interfere with directing energy towards self-regulation, thus pushing him over the edge.
The most important thing to remember is that no matter what the meltdown looks like from the outside, it is necessary to first allow time to calm, and then retrace the steps in order to get things back on track. Remember that nothing is doable until the panic subsides.
Edited by stickboy26 on March 03 2008 at 1:33am
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Still in touch with my inner child ;)
 
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foxl
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| Posted: May 24 2007 at 8:37am | IP Logged
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Thank you, Nick.
I just forwarded to my husband!
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Linda
Proud-but-harried mom to T, 8, ASD
S, 6, ADHD
A, 5 ????
we are an adoptive family
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ormomoftwo
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Thank you very much!!!
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almostsane
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| Posted: May 24 2007 at 8:56am | IP Logged
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That was wonderful. My son has meltdowns and sometimes hides in the bathroom at school after his outburst..I would like your opinion on what techniques he could use to self-calm? Thank you!
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- Mother of 12 year old son - HFA/Asperger's
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NYMommyof3
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What an AWESOME post! Great info ... thank you.
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Single Mom to Nick (5/02), autistic, Chris (8/99) APD, and Mike (5/95) w/OCD, ADHD, Mood Disorder NOS.
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stickboy26
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| Posted: May 24 2007 at 9:14am | IP Logged
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Quote:
My son has meltdowns and sometimes hides in the bathroom at school after his outburst..I would like your opinion on what techniques he could use to self-calm? Thank you!
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Well my famous first words are always that I can't pretend to be inside his head, but if I were hiding in the bathroom after a meltdown it would be for one of two reasons:
1) I need to be away from the people I've been around in order to calm down. These people are either causing the meltdown directly, or making it worse by forcing me to respond to them while I'm emotionally/mentally incapable.
2) I am aware of the uproar that my behavior has caused and am afraid to face my peers because I assume they are still mad at me for it. If they are, and they question me about it, it could re-ignite the meltdown -- which I want to avoid at *any* cost -- so since I can't go home, the only thing I know to do is seclude myself for as long as possible. The more time that elapses between my tantrum and my return will be more of a buffer to the other kids' memory, and maybe if I stay away long enough, they'll forget it completely or be out of the mood to talk about it by the time I return.
If #2 is the case, you may not be able to keep him from hiding at all, but to keep this from taking so long he may need at least one of his peers to earn his trust enough to believe that they will stick up for him when necessary.
If #1 is the case, then hiding may actually be his method of re-booting, which is necessary for calming down. In this case you'd probably have to ward off the meltdowns completely in order to prevent the seclusion.
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Still in touch with my inner child ;)
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ShelleyR
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| Posted: May 24 2007 at 9:34am | IP Logged
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Thanks so much for the very insightful description of what is feels like to be going through a "meltdown/tantrum/shutdown" it made a ton of sense to me. As a parent it is so heartbreaking, frustrating and a feeling of hopelessness of not knowing what to do when it is full blown..
You feel compelled to do something ...
Sarah will tantrum rarely..her mode of survival is to zone out and shut down which although better on my senses ....makes me worry to death she may one day completely shut down for good:(
You are lovely to let us in your world~Thanks:)
Edited by ShelleyR on May 24 2007 at 9:39am
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Sarah~8 yrs. old 7/27/00 Pdd/hyperlexia
Stephanie~17(nt)
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stickboy26
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| Posted: May 24 2007 at 9:40am | IP Logged
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ShelleyR wrote:
| You are lovely to let us in your world~Thanks:) |
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No problem. It gets lonely in here, you know.
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~Nick
Still in touch with my inner child ;)
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MamaKat
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Nick, I think you're a genius! Truly. You have an incredible amount of self-
awareness and insight into what drives you as a human being. You have an
enviable ability to communicate all this wisdom through the written word. I
am so happy you found us all on this board. I'm really grateful for all your
contributions.
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Phred
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Thanks for the post
I had a question on my sons meltdowns. One consistent meltdown we struggle with involves turning around or ending what we are doing. For instance when we go for a walk in the woods, at some point we need to stop and turn around or at least start heading back to the house. He seems to know exactly when we are no longer going away from home and he will say "I want to go this way". This way is always farther away. Normally if I have time (or daylight) for a long walk I can make a big loop and possibly avoid the meltdown, but sometimes I have my 3 yearold with us or daylight is ending or the bugs are coming out and we have to turn back. I try to tell him multiple times (before and during the walk) that, for instance "we can walk to the field, but then we will have to turn around and go home". This does not seem to change things. His meltdowns are not too severe, last a minute or so and usually end with him coming over for a hug. I leave for most bike rides, walks or just outdoor playing knowing that ending it will be an issue, but I hope I am doing the right thing and his enjoyment of the activity is worth the stress of ending it. This all seems to get better when summer is older and he is starting to learn that we can and will take another walk/ride the next day. But living in New York we are constantly changing activities and each one seems to be a clean start. Each time he does something he likes for the first time of the season it is a huge issue. On our first cross country ski run this year we were out for over an hour and I had to carry him most of the way home. It was way too cold to keep going so I had to end it and all hell broke. I just wish there was a way to help him thru this he is getting big enough so it is hard carrying him when all else fails
Thanks for any insights - PS - love your signature
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Tom
father of Monty ASD born 4/2002 and Lydia NT terrible 3'er
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Autism-PDD Message Boards : Parents of Children Living With Autism
Topic: "Anatomy" of a Meltdown
